Page 65 of After the Storm

“When you have a family you’ll see how much you’re willing to do for them,” she adds with a wink. I know it though already. I don’t need to have a bunch of kids and a couple of dogs to know what I would sacrifice. Audra’s sitting right next to me and I know right now that I would do anything I had to to make her happy. There isn’t a price I wouldn’t pay to see her relaxed and smiling.

“I have an idea.”

“Do you want a family?” she asks me. I consider avoiding the question because months ago when it came up with Audra it freaked her out and I don’t want her to feel any pressure. I don’t avoid it though because we’ve come a long way since then and we’ve talked about wanting kids. I want her to know I’m all in on her.

“Yeah of course. I want a lot but I don’t feel like as the man that’s my call to make. I would love kids and a couple of dogs though. That’s the dream,” I admit. Her smile grows with each word and I know I’m nailing it. For once hoping for things to go well didn’t curse the night. Her mom is getting along well with me.

“So this whole thing… it’s serious?” she asks, looking between Audra and I. I nod.

“Yeah, it’s serious. I’m really sure about this one,” she says softly like she’s afraid she shouldn’t be saying it. I know it’s because this is the first person she’s come clean to about it. And I know deep down she still feels like people will think she earned the stuff with Tyler by moving on too soon. I wish I could shake her by her shoulders and force her to hear me when I tell her nothing would make her deserve what happened. That she isn’t a bad person for finding happiness after being stuck in such a dark place. Most of all I wish I could make her hear me that she’s deserving of the love I’ve been trying to give her since I met her. Nothing she’s been through since then has changed that. If anything I love her more for her strength and resilience.

“So have you told Ares?” Liz asks. Both of our faces drop. I shake my head.

“Not yet, it never feels like a good time,” Audra admits.

“It never feels like a good time to rock the boat, Honey.”

Chapter27

Audra

“Textme when you get home, okay?” I call out to Roman as he climbs into his Jeep. He gives me a nod and a thumbs up as confirmation. I can’t help but to sit and stare for a moment just smiling at the man who’s managed to clear up all the storm clouds in my life, keep me safe despite me actually being watched for a while, and now has won my mom over. The headlights slowly pull out of the driveway and turn to drive down the street and away from my house.

I’m mildly aware of a time when the person I loved driving away from me felt like the end of the world. When it felt like I had to leave claw marks on things to keep them. Now I know what it’s like to be loved in a way that I don’t have to bid for. I know what it’s like to love without pain being the next feeling queued up. I spent a long time feeling like the two feelings went together.

For a long time I felt like being loved was something I had to earn with obedience and compliance. Since then I’ve learned—Roman’s taught me—sometimes people will just love you. There are no terms and conditions, sometimes people will just choose you and keep choosing you. Sometimes they’ll even attempt to take you on perfect dates and impress your mom.

It hits me like a shockwave. I knew I had feelings for him but suddenly I’m overly aware that I’m in love with him. Thank God my mom is standing behind me otherwise I might make a fool of myself and chase the car down the street to tell him right away. Instead, I take a deep breath and lock that feeling away until there’s a good time to tell him.

“You really love him, huh?” my mom asks. If she had asked me two hours ago, I probably would have told her no. That I wasn’t there yet. Instead, I nod, turning my body from the door frame to face her.

“Yeah. I do,” I admit. It feels good to tell someone. For someone other than us to know about what we have and how special it really is. For someone else to see the way he lights up my entire world.

“So tell me everything.”

“Didn’t he just tell you everything?” I ask, turning and shutting the front door behind me. I meet my mom back in the living room and sit with her.

“You know what I mean.” She huffs. I do, she wants every juicy detail because that’s how my mom has always been. I consider cleaning the story up. I don’t though, for once I’m completely honest and it feels amazing.

“Things with Tyler were worse than I let on,” I admit. The warm and fuzzy look on her face falls to something much less joyful.

“How bad?” she asks but she can’t quite look at me.

“He hit me. More than once. I should have left sooner than I did. I finally did it though, Mom, and I’m so proud of myself.” I nod, trying to give a silver lining and assure her I’m okay now. “I was a mess when I went there that night, when Ares wasn’t home it felt like my whole world was crashing in on me. I didn’t feel like I could do it. I thought I’d have to walk the rest of the way home and for some reason that really felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back.” I pause, gathering my thoughts.

“Then Roman offered to hang out with me until Ares got home. It felt really stupid at the time like it was the last thing I should be doing. I said yes though and I went inside. He sat with me all night and made me comfortable. Even if nothing had come of us, I would never forget what he did for me that night, Mom. We watched my favorite movie and he sat with me in painful silence until I was ready to talk. He listened to it all and kept it to himself despite wanting so badly to force my hand in getting help. It was perfect. He was perfect,” I admit. Tears stream down her face and I can’t quite tell if they’re about Tyler or about Roman. Maybe some bittersweet mix of the two. I don’t know.

“I’m okay now, Mom. I promise,” I assure her. She shakes her head slowly, wiping at the tears staining her cheeks.

“I just wish you had told me. I could have been home more. I could have been there for you,” she says and her voice is quiet, filled with something that seems an awful lot like shame to me. Has my mom been the most present parent in the world? No, maybe not. She’s always made time for things that mattered though and I understand why she worked so much.

“I didn’t want to tell anyone. I didn’t even tell Ares for a long time. For a while only me and Roman knew.” Her pained look softens slightly. She knows I must be serious if Ares didn’t know. I’ve told him everything the entire time I’ve known him.

“I don’t want you to feel guilty, Mom. I purposely kept it a secret. I went out of my way to hide marks behind makeup and clothing. I chose to keep secrets. You had no way to know,” I assure her. She nods. “Is there anything else you want to know about Roman?” I ask, looking to shift the subject away from Tyler.

“Why are you waiting to tell Ares?” she asks.

“Well, at first it was because I wanted to be sure there was something to tell. It was so new, I wanted both of us to be sure about this before we rocked the boat.” I take a breath. “I am though, Mom. I’m really sure about this,” I admit.

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