Page 66 of After the Storm

“So why are you still waiting?” she presses.

“Honestly, I have a lot of anxiety about how it will look for me to have moved on so quickly. I don’t want people to think I deserve what happened because I hopped right into another relationship,” I confess. Her face melts into sympathy.

“Honey, there’s nothing you could do that would make you deserving of what happened.” I can’t help but crack a small smile. That’s nearly word for word what Roman said to me.

“You know, Roman said almost the exact same thing to me.” I laugh.

“It’s true. You should consider telling him.” I nod, she’s right. I just don’t know if I could handle it if Ares thought it was too soon. I think hearing Ares point that out would shatter my heart.

“Yeah. I should. I just want to wait for the right time.”

“You’ll find the right time,” she assures me. I don’t know that I will. I know I feel ready to tell him but I’m not sure I’m ready for what that brings. Lying always digs a hole and now that I’m six feet inside of one, I don’t know how to get out without accidentally burying myself alive.

Talking all of this out has felt like a giant weight off of my chest. So I bring up the other thing that has been keeping me up lately.

“Roman brought up getting a place together,” I blurt out. I expect her eyes to go wide or for her to gasp but she doesn’t. She doesn’t even look shocked.

“Oh, fun! So are you guys looking at places?” she asks. Her tone is light as a feather like this isn’t a big deal. Why am I the only one who thinks this is a huge deal?

“What? No. Isn’t it like… super fast?” I exclaim.

“Well, I don’t know, honey. Does it feel super fast to you?” she asks. That’s a loaded question. Yes. But also no. I feel like everything has happened in a bit of a whirlwind but on the other hand, it all feels right.

“Kinda… Kind of not though. I feel like things have gone fast calendar-wise. But if you’re asking how it feels, it just feels like we’re doing what we’ve always been meant to do. It just feels right.” I shrug.

“Then what’s all the talk about how soon it is?” she asks.

“I don’t know… Won’t it look bad? Like we’re just young and stupid.”

“You need to worry less about how the things you do look to other people. Worry about how much they fill your cup. I know it’s a little cheesy but when you know, you know, Audi,” she assures me.

How much they fill my cup. How much would living with Roman fill my cup? I think it might leave my cup overflowing. I think I might need a second cup. Thinking about waking up with him every morning and falling asleep with him every night feels like the July sun beaming right on the center of my chest.

“What if it doesn’t work out?” I add.

“Then we’ll pack your stuff and you’ll come home. I understand why you would be hesitant and thinking worst case after everything with Tyler but you can’t keep blocking your own happiness in fear of losing it.” Damn. She’s right. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve been keeping him at arm’s distance thinking it might hurt less if I lose him. It wouldn’t though, nothing could make this hurt less if I lost it. So I’m just hurting both of us for no reason.

“You’re right,” I admit.

“Yeah, always am,” she says with a laugh. I roll my eyes and hop up off the couch.

“When I see him, I’ll talk to him. Thank you, mom,” I say walking over to the love seat across from me that she’s sitting in. I bend down and hug her.

“Anytime. You know this,” she says hugging me back.

Chapter28

Audra

“How doyou not know what a gay island is?” Ravyn exclaims. Ares rolls to the edge of his bed to face us on the floor.

“Audra, please tell her she only knows what that is because she’s gay,” Ares groans. I can’t believe this is a real conversation we’re having.

“Sorry, no can do. I’ve had my gay island locked and loaded for years.” I shrug. He lets out an exasperated sigh.

“So everyone has one but me? No fair, tell me what it is.” His pouty little lip is pathetic.

“It’s a made-up game where you have to choose three people of your same sex to be deserted on an island with. It’s called a gay island because it’s kind of implied that you’d be sleeping with at least one of them at some point,” Ravyn explains.

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