Page 23 of How to Write a Rom-Com

I’m sitting on the deck one morning, editing, when my phone vibrates, the sound startling me. It’ssoquiet here.

Elle: Help!

Lucy: Yes?

Elle: You know the scene inFriends, like waaaayy in the first season, when Monica dates that guy Allan that everyone loves?

Lucy: Of course.

Elle: You know how they say that the size of a man’s whozawhatsa is the same as the length from his pointer finger to his thumb?

Elle—the woman who edits erotica but also uses terms like whozawhatsa.

Lucy: I’m so excited to see where this is going.

Elle: Well, I have an author who wants to use that theory but I’m not sure if it’s true.

Lucy: Ask one of our male colleagues.

Lucy: Oh wait, we work in publishing. The only man there is the CEO.

Elle: Bitterness not helping, Lucy.

Lucy: Google it? I personally do not have any experience to prove that theory.

Elle: Damn.

I chuckle and put my phone down on the table beside me, turning as I hear a voice coming from the side of the yard.

“Mia, get back over here!”

I hold my hand over my eyes to shade the glare from the sun, just as a small child appears on the gravel path next to the deck. She can’t be more than four or five and has pin-straight blonde hair and a familiar face. It doesn’t take long for me to realize why her face is so familiar. I’ve seen those blue eyes before. I saw them in my dreams last night.

“Mia, you cannot run away from me like that!” Jill rounds the corner of the house, a large bag slung over her shoulder, sunglasses falling off her face, her hair blowing in her eyes from the breeze off the lake. The troublemaker in question, Mia, shows no remorse, and instead smiles when she sees me on the deck. I stand up and make my way to the railing, apprehensive about interrupting the scolding Mia is about to get.

“Mia, when we get out of the car, youmusthold my hand. That is a street, there could have been cars!” Jill puts her face very close to the little girl’s, and the tension in her voice is palpable. I can tell this woman is having a day. And it’s only ten in the morning.

Jill turns in my direction, pushing her hair back off her face and fixing her sunglasses on her nose. “I am so sorry, Lucy,” she says, taking Mia’s hand.

“No worries! Everything okay?” I ask, feeling a little bad for Jill. She is visibly stressed.

“Yeah, just kids, you know?” I don’t, but I nod my head anyway. “This is Mia,” she adds, gesturing to the little girl currently attached to her hip.

“Very nice to meet you,” I say with a smile. “Are you guys doing something fun today?” I ask in my best talking-to-children voice.

“We’re going on the boat,” Mia replies, her voice high-pitched and squeaky. She sounds like Minnie Mouse.

“Wow, that’s fun,” I say.

“Hey, why don’t you join us, Lucy?” Jill asks, readjusting her bag on her shoulder.

“Oh no, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense. You have any plans?”

“Well, I—”can’t think of anything quickly enough, I finish in my head.

“We’re just going out for a bit. It will be fun. Meet us across the street in a few minutes,” she instructs, dragging Mia away before I can reply.

---