Page 81 of Ordinary Secrets

“Nah. If he was gonna fire one, he’d have to fire ’em all. I had a hand in almost every department. Everything from cleaning bathrooms to hauling boxes around to bringing people lunch.”

She gives my hand another comforting squeeze. “I can’t believe your uncle treated you that way.”

“That’s not even the half of it.”

“Would you like to tell me more?”

Surprisingly, I do. Sharing deep stuff isn’t easy for me usually, but with Arella, it’s not only easy, it’s soothing. I like how she listens without pity in her eyes. I hate when people look at me like that. I don’t want pity. I want what Arella and Liz have given me—understanding. Except, Arella’s version of it feels different. She doesn’t look at me like I’m damaged the way Liz does.

“I would like to tell you one more thing.” I’ve never said what I’m about to say out loud before. Liz only knows through seeing my memory. If it wasn’t for that, she wouldn’t know anything.

Do I really want to do this?I only think for a second before coming to the conclusion that yes, I do. Ineedto. If I share this piece of myself with Arella, maybe she’ll want to share pieces of herself with me.I can do this.

“My parents didn’t die in a house fire.” The second those words leave my mouth, I almost wish for them to come back.

Arella cocks her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I just tell people that because it’s easier than explaining the truth.”

“Which is?”

“They were... murdered.” That last word comes out cracked and broken. “And—I... I saw it happen.”

“What?”

“I was home when... you know, the people came. They blew up my house with my parents still in it. I only survived because my dad threw me out the window just before the explosion.”

Arella’s warm hand cups my stubbly cheek. Like it has before, her gentle touch eases the pain. I press my hand over hers to make sure she doesn’t pull away. I’m not ready for her to yet.

“Sometimes,” I whisper, “I wonder how things would have turned out if I had done something to save them.”

“You can’t blame yourself, honey.”

I don’t... much. Mostly, I blame the Royals, which is why I’m working so hard on this mission.

Wait...Did she just call mehoney?She’s never called me a pet name before. I like the sound of it. It’s the same name my mother used to call me.

With her fingertips, Arella caresses the spot behind my ear. No one’s ever touched me like this before. So comforting and nontransactional. “Now I understand why you don’t like fireworks.”

“Yep. Hate ’em.”

“Maybe this is a weird question, but why would someone want to harm your parents?”

“I dunno.” It’s not entirely a lie. I have theories, but nothing’s confirmed. I’ve already accepted that I may never know.

“Can I see the rest of your box?” Arella asks.

With a nod, I draw out the last few items. Everything is either half-burned or got lucky in the explosion. My dad’s green tie, a piece of my mom’s floral dress, a chunk of her favorite vase, and my old teddy bear.

This is the luckiest stuffed animal in the world. It was on the couch when my dad threw me on it and tossed me out the window. Besides getting drenched in the rain, it never saw damage. “This is Andy.”

Arella takes the bear from me and pets the top of its head. “He doesn’t look like he was used much.”

“He wasn’t. I’ve barely touched him since I threw him into this box.”

She squeezes the bear’s paws. “Does it sing or anything?”

“Nah, it’s just a regular ol’—”

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