Page 64 of Always Knew It Was You

Except I’m thinking about him at work anyway, which is why I got burned, damn it.

“I’ll grab the first aid kit,” Yule says.

“It’s fine. I’m not bleeding or anything, and it will probably just bruise.”

Yule silences my protests with a dirty look and goes off to grab the first aid kit anyway. I sigh and shut my eyes, letting my head drop forward and feeling the dissatisfaction roll through me.

Why the hell can’t I stop thinking about that jerk?

Ever since I came back to Laketown practically bristling with rage, Micah Landing has continuously polluted my thoughts. My feelings oscillate between anger, hurt, and worst of all a strange longing that makes me hate myself just a little. I cannot believe a part of me still misses him. How can I yearn for someone who treated me like he did? Who yelled at me for defending him, who treated me like I was disposable?

I thought we were at least friends, but he clearly didn’t want my input or interference with his life. He probably only saw me as a tool that was supposed to keep my mouth shut and play my role.

I mean, that’s what he essentially said back at the hotel.

Every time I remember that, and also that scene with his grandfather, it makes me furious all over again. I’m mad at myself for interjecting, and mad at Micah’s grandfather for being a bully. I’m also mad at Micah for being blind to it.

But even with my anger, a part of me still can’t forget Micah’s look when the older man cut him at the knees, how hurt he appeared that someone he trusted ripped off his mask and exposed his vulnerability so casually. Like it was nothing.

I truly can’t blame Micah for being defensive because he probably felt so betrayed.

And that’s the thing that makes it hard for me to totally dismiss him as an irredeemable jerk. Because I always stupidly scramble to find the good in everyone and treat people with consideration they don’t often afford me. I’ve been like that since I was a child, and even as an adult, I’ve found myself excusing my parents’ abusive behavior on more than one occasion.

But I know I can’t keep accepting that kind of treatment. Especially not from Micah. It’s not healthy for me to make excuses for him to the detriment of myself. Even if he was hurt by his grandfather, what does it matter? It still doesn’t give him the right to treat me like he did. To yell at me. To completely refuse to see my side of things.

I allow the memories to stoke my anger, justifying my ire.

And then, ultimately, those thoughts lead to what happened after.

The sex that I’m scared to even think about, even though the memories still visit me at night.

And whenever I dream about it, I wake up wet and aching and furious.

I never should have slept with him again.

It was bad enough that I craved him before, but that afternoon… he awakened something deep inside me, something raw, a deep-seated need that I’m scared no one will ever fulfill again,

That’s ridiculous.I blow out a breath.And melodramatic.

So what if I had mind-blowing sex with him, big deal. I’m sure I can find someone else to have mind-blowing sex with. Heck, there are a few numbers in my phone that I can probably call for some out-of-town, no-strings-attached fun.

Both body and mind fight against that though, warning me that sleeping with anyone else right now would be a mistake. None of them can hold a candle to Micah and I’ll only leave disappointed.

But that’s just for now though. It’s only because Micah was so recent and is still so fresh in my mind. I guarantee later on, I can find a man who’s better in bed than Micah Landing.

And if not, well, too bad.

Great sex isn’t everything and it certainly isn’t worth my pride. I’m not about to turn into one of those women who cling to him and beg for his attention after he’s already made it clear he doesn’t want to be with them anymore.

I’m used to disappointment,I remind myself.What’s one more to add?

I shut off the tap and await Yule’s return. I refuse to think about Micah Landing anymore this afternoon. I don’t have time for that. I need to focus on what I’m going to do about my college tuition. That is problem number one right now.

On the bright side, I heard back from an accounting firm in Bayview and they offered me an internship. But the proposed salary won’t be enough to pay my tuition. Plus, I would need to stop working at the Tiki Bar to take the job, and also worry about the commute, since it’s in Bayview.

Typically, I’m only in Bayview twice a week for class and even that’s tough. Five days a week will be killer.

Unless I get an apartment in Bayview, which I currently can’t afford either.

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