Page 78 of Always Knew It Was You

I turn back to Micah, who is standing a few feet away, watching me steadily. Waiting. I don’t know what for. But I don’t want him here. Or at least I’m not supposed to want him here.

I try to recover some of the anger I felt toward him earlier today, but I don’t even have the energy to do that. I’m tired of being mad. I’m tired of feeling like life is unfair and everything is against me. I’m so tired of being tired.

Micah walks closer to me and I don’t stop him as he takes my wrist and tugs me to his body.

“Let me go,” I murmur weakly into his chest but he just shushes me, wrapping his arms around my back.

“It’s okay,” he says. “You can let go.”

I don’t want to, but I can feel the emotion hiccupping into my throat. My chest tightens, tears stinging the back of my eyes. I don’t want to cry. I’m so sick of crying. But it flows down my cheeks anyway, silently, as I clench my fists stubbornly attempting to hold them back. Then I grip his shirt too, inhaling him, crackling sobs piercing out of my throat. The breath that I couldn’t get out, forces its way out of me in an explosive hacking sound and then the dam breaks and it’s all rushing forward.

“Why?” I rasp harshly. “Why, why, why the fuck does this keep happening?”

I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I feel cursed, like life is determined to teach me a lesson. But I don’t know what that lesson is. Is it that I’m not supposed to have nice things? Everything is just meant to go wrong? Am I supposed to stop trying?

“I’m sorry.” Micah’s nose rubs in my hair and his arms tighten around me. Right now, it feels like they’re the only thing holding me together. “I’m so sorry.”

He sounds so genuinely sad. Why? It’s not like he gives a damn about my family and it’s not like he cares about me either.

It’s probably just a part of his game,I think, but it doesn’t stop me from clinging to him either, holding him close, using him as an outlet to let out all the emotions and stress of the past few weeks.

And then, finally, as the sobs subside, the tightness in my chest eases, and I’m surprised to find that I feel a little better than I did just minutes ago.

I finally let go of him and make a move to step out of his hold but he takes a few seconds to release me.

I avoid his eyes wiping my face.

“Sorry about that,” I say.

“Don’t apologize.” When I finally risk a glance at his face, it’s to find his expression soft. Not pitying, but gentle. “I didn’t mind at all.”

I nod. “In any case, I’m fine now. I have to go back in there to figure out the hospital bills and everything, but I’m pretty sure Emma’s picking me up when I’m done so don’t feel like you have to stick around.”

“Why?”

I don’t understand the question so I cock my head. “Why what?”

“‘Why is it on you to figure out the hospital bills? Does no one else in your family work?”

My spine immediately straightens, as I get on the defensive.

“Remember how you yelled at me for scolding your grandfather?” I say.

He smirks. “You mean the thing I just apologized for?”

“Yeah, well, I’m not going to apologize for what I say to you if you say anything bad about my folks. They may be trashy and rude, but they’re my trashy and rude, if you know what I mean.”

His expression is admiring, but also holds a tinge of frustration.

“You’re incredible, you know that?”

I’m stunned because I don’t expect him to say that. “I am?”

He nods. Then he takes my hand. “Come with me for a second. I want to show you something.”

“I already told you I can’t. I have to–”

“I’ll take care of the bills.”

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