Page 15 of Freed Wolfsbane

CHAPTER8

BASTIAN

My fingers run over the ivory and black keys of the grand piano, tapping the beat to “Mansion” by NF but never quite pressing hard enough to make a sound. Instead of actually playing, I just stare sightlessly at the wall of windows in our ballroom.

Memories of Briar playing for me, dancing with her, and how perfect she felt in my arms run on a loop in my mind as I sit alone in the moonlight.

It’s been a week and a half since she was taken.

I haven’t been able to sleep without her right next to me, so I spend most of my nights sitting at the instrument my pretty girl loves to play. None of us have been able to sleep, eat, or really function well since she’s been gone. I do the best I can to make sure my brothers and Briar’s mage are taking care of themselves, though. The last thing my pretty girl needs is to come home to mates who are in rough shape. She’ll need all of us when we do find her.

Though, as the days slip by with no sign of her, the hope that we’ll be able to find her is slowly trickling away like sand in an hourglass. I don’t think I’ve felt despair like this since I was a kid. It is a similar kind of helplessness to feeling like the beatings would never stop and that I couldn’t turn to anyone for help.

After Xander killed Father Simon, I thought everything would feel okay again. But it didn’t. My waking and sleeping hours were all haunted by the pain and fear and self-hatred. Eventually, I was willing to do anything to make the memories stop. I tried it all. Drinking, drugs, sex, and, finally, fighting. It was the last one that gave me a high unlike anything else.

Sure, it was fun winning fights. But the only thing that exorcised the priest from my thoughts was the pain of bruises, cuts, and broken bones that made it impossible to think about anything else. I craved that reprieve more than anything, and I was willing to do anything to get it, including almost dying.

Looking back, I see how selfish I was to chase that feeling when I had people who were constantly worried about me. Unlike so many out there, I had parents and brothers who loved me and were willing to do anything for me. I’m lucky I had them there to make me pull my head out of my ass and deal with my feelings in a healthy manner. Without them, well, I probably would’ve been dead long ago.

I’ll never not feel like shit that I was so caught up in my pain that I didn’t see how much my own twin was hurting. It kills me that Xander ever thought any of it was his fault or that he somehow had to make up for it. I don’t know what Briar said to him, but my twin was doing so much better with her. Until she got kidnapped by the Knights that is.

At the reminder of them taking my mate, I want to rage and scream and break things. But, for once, I’m the one with my shit together while everyone else falls apart. Kai is surly and constantly snapping at everyone, his wolf closer to the surface than usual. Xander is constantly looking for a fight and spending most of his time beating the ever-loving shit out of a punching bag or one of us in the ring. The mage spends all his time working on anything he can for Elemental to help find Briar, often forgetting to eat or sleep.

And me?

I’m doing everything I can to keep us from falling apart. Whether that’s working is debatable, but I’m trying. At night, when I’m alone, I let the fear and worry and devastation consume me. As soon as the sun comes up, though, I shove it back inside to be there for everyone.

Resting my forehead on the smooth wood of the piano top, I close my eyes and try to breathe past the feeling of someone hacking apart my heart with an ice pick.

* * *

I must fallasleep at some point, because the next thing I know, I’m startled by a crash behind me. Jerking upright, I wince at how stiff and sore my neck is before twisting around to see what the noise was.

“There you are!” Xander’s standing in the doorway to the ballroom, dressed similarly to me in just a pair of worn sweatpants. His voice is equal parts urgent and exasperated. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

The door banging into the wall must’ve been the sound that woke me up. Standing up from the piano, I stretch my arms over my head, trying to get my stiff muscles to loosen. “Sorry, twinnie. I end up here most nights. Whatcha need?”

Xander huffs at me and shoves a rough hand through his already mussed-up blond hair as he tries to catch his breath, his chest heaving like he just won a marathon. “They found her.”

“What?” I breathe, sure I heard him incorrectly.

His eyes, which are a mirror image of mine, bounce around my face for a beat before he repeats, “They found Briar.”

I freeze, like any sudden movement will shatter the illusion that we’re so close to rescuing her. My heart hammers in my chest as I stare at Xander with guarded hope. “They really found her?”

He gives me a small nod, his face shining with cautious optimism. “I don’t know all the details, but yeah. There’s a briefing we’re already late for to cover everything.”

I jog over to Xander and run past him and through the doorway. “Why didn’t you lead with that?” I call over my shoulder. Shaking my head at him just standing there, I mumble, “Slowpoke.”

Xander snorts before rushing to catch up with me. “It’s entirely your fault we’re late. Do you even know where we’re going?”

“The dining room, I assume? Isn’t that where all the other briefings are?” I ask as I turn the corner toward the makeshift command center.

Xander gives me a sharp nod as we come to a stop outside the large double doors. My breath catches in my throat as I stare at the entrance apprehensively. Standing out here, I still have hope. Hope that we found her. Hope that she’s okay. Hope that we can bring her home. Once I cross the threshold, I’ll know for sure whatever it is that they found, good or bad.

Thumping me on the back, Xander says, “Come on.” He pulls one of the heavy doors open and steps inside without hesitation. I reluctantly follow him in to see Kai, my dad, Saint, and a bunch of enforcers and mages all staring at us. If wolves didn’t walk around half naked all the time, I’d be a little embarrassed to walk into a super-important meeting in only sweats.

From everyone’s exasperated expressions, I guess we’re holding up the briefing.

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