Page 25 of Freed Wolfsbane

He leans his forehead against mine, not saying anything for a long moment. I feel all my tight muscles relax at his closeness, and I take my first deep breath in what feels like forever. I don’t know how long we sit there, just soaking each other in, but I never want it to end. The only thing that would make it better is having all my mates here.

“Don’t apologize.” Malachi’s voice is gruff when he eventually pulls back. “None of it was your fault. We were all in a shitty situation, and we did the best we could. All that matters is that you’re back.”

I give him a small nod, not feeling like I did the best I could but not wanting to argue. I feel my eyelids start to droop, the trip up here wearing me out more than I would’ve thought. “Will you hold me?” My voice wobbles at the thought of being alone again.

“Of course, baby girl.” He pushes the extra pillows out from under me and helps me lie down. After shucking his faded jeans, Malachi gets in bed and crawls over to me. Tugging me flush against his hard body, he throws an arm over my chest and pushes a leg between mine. I’m already drifting off into an exhausted sleep when I hear him murmur, “I’m never fucking letting you go again.”

* * *

“How’s my patient feeling today?”an enthusiastic voice booms, startling me when it feels like I just closed my eyes a moment ago.

I jerk upright—or at least I try to. The heavy arm draped around my chest prevents my sudden movement. Malachi untangles himself from me and helps me sit up with only a bit of pain. I see Dr. Stone making his way over to me, his wrinkled face and sparse white hair familiar.

“I’m doing great.” I try to keep my voice cheery so Dr. Stone believes me. In my peripheral vision, I see Malachi roll his eyes, but I do my best to ignore him.

Dr. Stone narrows his eyes on me as he tries to smooth his rumpled doctor’s coat, which looks like he hasn’t had a chance to take it off in days. I’m guessing he’s been busy tending to all the shifters the Knights were keeping. “Really? That’s an amazing feat of healing if you can recover from a stab wound, two bullet holes, and life-threatening blood loss in less than two days.”

I shrug and do my best not to wince at how the movement pulls at my abdomen. “I’ve always had fast healing.”

“Uh-huh.” The doctor shakes his head at me before rummaging in his black bag and pulling out a collection of instruments to poke and prod me with. When his hand shoots out toward me, I flinch back into Malachi. My cheeks burn as I see realization, and perhaps a little pity, dawn on Dr. Stone’s face. “Oh. I’m sorry, Briar. I should’ve been more considerate, and that’s on me. If you’re uncomfortable with me examining you, perhaps your mate could take your vitals? If not, that’s fine. As long as you answer my questions honestly, I can assess you that way, too. I just want to make sure we’re not missing any internal damage.”

I close my eyes. I want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment that I just let a practical stranger see me flinch. I thought I had been less bothered by sudden movements lately, but I guess the Knights’ experiments changed that.

I don’t even know why what the Knights did is affecting me so much. Sure, the daily beatings Ryker gave me hurt like hell, but it’s nothing I didn’t know how to handle. But it wasn’t just the physical violence, it was having complete strangers jabbing strange instruments into me, forcefully inspecting me, and slapping me around if I didn’t comply.

I was powerless to do anything about it because the kids would get hurt if I did. It was just a little too easy to slip back into the habits that kept me safe with Patrick while with the Knights.

Malachi grasps my chin and tilts my head toward him. When I don’t open my eyes, he rumbles, “Look at me, Briar.” Unable to ignore his command, I blink open my eyes. “Do you need me to take your vitals?”

I shake my head. “I’m fine,” I protest, not wanting them to see how much I’m struggling. I’m one of the lucky ones. I got out of there alive. My lip trembles as Jake’s lifeless face swims in my thoughts, but I shove those thoughts into one of the boxes in my mind. I’m not strong enough to deal with it right now.

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” Malachi growls as he gets in my face. “It’s okay not to be okay, baby girl. You were kidnapped, experimented on, almost killed, and tortured if I’m guessing correctly. Anyone would be messed up from what you went through. No one expects you to be fine.”

“Nothing happened to me,” I whisper, the guilt trying to swallow me whole. “I’m alive, unlike the others. I tried to protect them, but it didn’t work.” When my voice breaks, I try to look away, but Malachi’s grip on my face won’t let me.

“Oh, baby girl.” Malachi pulls me into his chest, letting the few tears that escape soak into his faded black tee. He rubs a hand soothingly over my back as my shoulders shake with sobs I refuse to let out. “It’s not your fault.”

I pull back and shake off his hands. “If I had shifted sooner, he’d still be here!” I scream at Malachi and then instantly regret it. None of this is his fault. I scrub my hands over my face and lock my rage and sorrow and anguish away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” My voice comes out empty, but I don’t have it in me to pretend to be okay.

“You absolutely should’ve, Briar.” My eyes dart up to his in shock. Instead of anger, Malachi is just gazing at me with determination and what looks a little like love. “Yell at me. Throw things at me. Hell, even hit me like Bastian does if it makes you feel better. Just don’t bottle it all up and let it eat away at you. You have me. You have us. Let us help you.”

“That’s not a healthy way to deal with it,” I object. Just because I’m struggling doesn’t mean it’s okay to take it out on other people.

“It’s sure as hell healthier than keeping it inside. Sometimes, when it hurts so damn much it feels like it’s suffocating you, you just have to let the pain out, any way you can. All of us have been there, and we won’t judge you for snapping or breaking down or losing it. It’s normal, expected, and part of healing. You’ll never heal if you never deal with it, though.”

“I’m scared,” I breathe.

Malachi tilts his head in confusion. “Of what?”

“If I let it all out, I’ll never surface again.” I can’t just open one of the boxes in my mind that I lock my feelings away in. Once I start letting feelings out of one, I know the rest will come pouring out in a massive tsunami wave that’ll destroy everything in its path. I don’t think I’ve ever been strong enough to survive it but especially not right now when I’m barely hanging on as it is.

“We won’t let that happen, baby girl.” Malachi slides his hands under my shirt to rest his palms on my bare hips. I shiver at the contact. His touch both soothes me and causes a tiny flare of arousal to shoot through me. “If you go under, we’ll be there to pull you back out. You won’t have to handle any of it alone. But you also don’t have to start dealing with it right this second. Your body still needs time to heal up.”

I open my mouth to respond, but the door to his room crashes open. Bastian storms inside, his eyes darting around frantically and his face lined with panic.

CHAPTER13

BRIAR

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