Page 9 of Freed Wolfsbane

His lips tip up into a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “No. Unlike with Bastian, I don’t have to worry about you doing irreparable harm.” He pauses in thought for a moment as his gaze roves over me. “Or do I?”

I clench my fists, which causes the skin on my hands to split further. Warm blood drips down my fingers onto the floor as I try to force down my frustration at myself. While I’m trying to listen to Briar’s advice that what happened to Bastian wasn’t my fault, I still don’t feel like I deserve anyone’s concern. Making my family worry about me just makes me feel like a failure. “I’m fine,” I grit out.

Kai barks out a laugh devoid of humor. “You’re not fine. Don’t fucking lie to me, Xander.” His eyes flash the amber of his wolf for a moment before he forces his beast back down. Remorse shines in his gaze as he pushes off the wall and walks over to me. “I know we’ve all been so focused on Bastian that we ignored how you were doing. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how damn sorry I am to you for turning a blind eye to your pain. It can’t make up for it, but I’m here for you now.”

A lump forms in my throat at Kai’s genuine concern. Not knowing what to do with it, I try to brush him off. “You have enough on your plate without worrying about me.” I refrain from insisting again that I’m fine because I don’t want to provoke his wolf. While I’d happily go a round with human Kai, his wolf would tear me to shreds without a second thought if he felt like I was disrespecting him.

Kai shakes his head in exasperation. “I don’t care about what’s on my plate. None of it will ever matter more than my family. All I really have the capacity to give a fuck about right now anyway is you, Bastian, Briar, our parents, and even her mage. Despite how I’ve acted, I do care about you, Xander.”

A ghost of a smile crosses my lips at how put out Kai sounds about caring about Saint. We all care about him because Briar does. But, more than that, he’s shown himself to be a pretty good guy who’s endlessly devoted to our mate. Even I’m warming up to the mage, which isn’t something I ever thought I’d say. Of all the supernatural species, mages and their elitism are my least favorite.

I meet his gaze briefly before staring down at my hands because I’m not good at expressing any emotion other than frustration. “I know you care about me, Kai.”

“Then why won’t you let me, or anyone else, help you?” His voice is exasperated as he stretches his arm up to hold the top of the bag so he can lean against it.

“Because I don’t feel like I deserve your help,” I whisper.

“Why?” he prods. Normally, Kai would let it drop the first time I said I was fine. He wouldn’t push for an answer because he had too many other fires to put out. It’s weird having him care so much about how I’m doing, but it’s kind of nice.

“Because I wasn’t there for Bastian and now Briar,” I admit. It feels like acid burning down my throat admitting how badly I failed two of the most important people in the world to me. “If I can’t protect the people I care about, what use am I?”

Because all that matters is that I’m useful. That’s why people keep me around because of what I can do for them. Without that, why would anyone want me?

“First, nothing about what happened with Bastian was your fault. Second…” Kai breaks off and scrubs a hand over his face. “We all played a role with Briar and the Knights. It wasn’t your fault she got taken. It sure as hell wasn’t your fault she’s so fucking strong and was able to alpha order us. There wasn’t anything we could do in that situation. But we should’ve been more mindful of the Knights, and we should’ve taken backup. That’s not just on you. It’s on all of us. All we can do is learn from it and do better next time. As for what use you are, your value isn’t determined by what you do, Xander. It’s determined by who you are, and I’m incredibly proud of the man you’ve become and that I get to call you my brother.”

Warmth bubbles in my chest at Kai’s words. I never knew how much it would mean to hear that he’s proud of me. The warmth doesn’t last long. My blood turns to ice in my veins as I voice my biggest fear. “What if we can’t bring her home? What if we’re too late?”

“That’s not an option,” Kai growls, his voice vibrating with the power of his wolf. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t look him in the eyes right now with how much dominance is pouring off him. He sucks in a breath before continuing without his wolf leaking out. “I can’t function in a world without her, and Briar needs all of us right now. I have to believe we’ll find her and bring her home before it’s too late.”

I nod because that’s what we all have to believe, I guess. Wallowing in thewhat-ifsand dwelling on theif onlydoesn’t help my mate any. She needs us to have our shit together so we’re ready to go against the Knights when we do finally find her.

“Wanna go a round in the ring?” I know Kai’s just as on edge as I am. We could both blow off a little steam.

He flashes me a savage grin and heads to the mats we have set up. I snort at his eagerness and follow him over, fully prepared to get my ass handed to me as I try desperately not to think about what happens if we can’t find Briar in time.

CHAPTER6

BRIAR

“Hey, Briar, you need to wake up,” a deep voice calls right next to my ear.

I bolt upright, my instincts screaming at me to get away from the threat. All I succeed in doing is smashing my head into a hard chin. I groan as I fall back against the bed and see a pair of familiar brown eyes pinched in pain hovering above me. “Sorry.”

“Nothin’ to apologize for. I shouldn’t have spooked you like that. It’s also not like this is the worst thing that’s happened to me in here.” Anson tries to joke, but it falls flat. He shakes his head at himself, making his brown hair flop around. “Anyway, we’re about to go for breakfast. They dumped you back here after you missed both lunch and dinner yesterday. After a session with them, you really need to eat to keep your strength up. I hope they didn’t do anything too bad since it was your first day.”

I open my mouth to tell him I’m fine, but I think better of it. Anson seems like he genuinely wants to help, but who knows if the Knights bug the rooms. I can’t have them knowing I can heal myself almost instantly with magic that hasn’t been seen for centuries.

I clutch my arm over my ribs to make it look like I’m still in pain. I struggle to sit up, contorting my face like it hurts as I do. “I just got a little banged up. My ribs took the brunt of Ryker’s anger, but it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” I offer him a small smile so he doesn’t worry too much.

Anson winces in sympathy. “Rib injuries always suck for a few days. I hate the feeling of not being able to take in a deep breath. Ryker’s such an asshole. That’s shitty luck that you got him for your first day.”

I snort because Ryker is, indeed, a colossal asshole. “Yeah, he is. Does Ryker supervise all the experiments they do?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. He only really bothers with the super important ones. Most of us only deal with him on the group projects. That’s odd that he participated in your session yesterday.”

I give him a forced smile. It’s not weird at all that Ryker was there. I’m pretty sure I hold the key to the most important thing they’re working on. Attempting to change the subject, I ask, “So, do they just bring us our breakfast in here?”

“Nope. Shifters are social creatures, so they let us mingle three times a day. We all eat meals with other shifters as a big happy family. They can’t have us losing our minds in here before we serve our purpose, can they?” Anson’s voice is dripping with bitterness as he goes over to his cot. Plopping down, he reaches under the bed to pull out a pair of worn gray slip-on shoes.

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