Page 38 of Still Made For You

“You have a lot of nerve. You get to come and go whenever you please, leaving all the responsibility on me. Then, when it’s finally time for you to step up and take your son, you have the audacity to be two hours late, and I’m the one who’s in the wrong?” She shrieked, passing me his diaper bag.

“You have no consideration for the fact that I have a job! I asked you to do one fucking thing, and you couldn’t even manage to be on time. Who the fuck do you think pays the bills around this bitch? Me! So, if I lose my job, what are you going to do then? You barely give me money as it is, and we’re not even going to talk about the clothes that you still have not bought for your son. You do the bare minimum and then expect me to give you credit as if you were helping me.

I guess I am the fool because I still let you fuck me, even though you don’t even help me take care of our son. What a joke.” Breyoun’s words pierced through my heart like a knife. When she broke it down that way, it made me realize how fucked up I’ve really been lately. I’ve been so focused on myself and doing the things that I want to do that I haven’t been the type of father that I want to be. It wasn’t fair to her, and it damn sure wasn’t fair to Sincere. He didn’t ask to be here, and as his father, it is my responsibility to make sure that all of his needs are met. At this moment, my mother’s words of wisdom rang in my ears. I needed to step up in a major way in my son’s life, and I needed to do it was right concerning my relationship with Breyoun.

“Aye, let me talk to you for a minute.” Grabbing her by the wrist, I pulled her closer to me.

“I apologize. I’ve been selfish and only been thinking about myself. You’re the one who’s making all the sacrifices, and I guess I’ve taken them for granted. I’m sorry, okay.” She rolled her eyes in response to my apology.

“I deserve that. I don’t want to fight with you anymore. Sincere should be our main focus in order for us to work together. We have to be able to communicate better. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do everything by yourself because I’m here. You choose to suffer in silence instead of reaching out to me, and that’s not fair to any of us.

I’m going to go to the bank and set up an account so you can get money deposited into your bank every week. If it’s not enough, then call me. I live a good life, and my son deserves to live an even better one. This isn’t about proving that you can be independent. This is about us working together to raise our son.” She sniffled while wiping tears from her eyes. I never wanted to be the one to make her cry, and it made me feel like shit to know that I had become that guy.

“I keep hurting you, and I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t believe me, but I really do love you. Hell, truth be told, I miss our friendship more than anything. Everything just got so complicated, and now I feel like we’re so far apart. I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Leave me alone and let me move on in peace. I deserve to be happy with somebody who wants to be with me and wants to love me. You’ve made it clear that you’re not that person, so why keep me around?” my chest grew tight at the mention of her moving on. The idea of someone giving her the love that I couldn’t made me feel inadequate. Even though I knew it was probably for the best, it didn’t mean I had to agree with it.

“Do you really want to be done with me? Who’s gonna fuck you better than me? Nobody will ever know their way around your body like I do. Do you think he’s gonna be able to make you cum the way I make that pussy squirt? Huh?” I walked closer to her and nestled my face in her neck. Her scent drove me wild, which is one of the reasons why I usually ended up getting caught up. Trailing kisses from her neck up to her ear, I listened to her moan. Taking it a step further, I gripped a handful of her round ass in the palm of my hand. My dick grew hard from the contact alone.

“You really want to be done with me? Huh, Bree? You gon’ give my pussy to another nigga?” Unbuttoning her pants, I attempted to slide them over her ass, but she resisted.

“See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t have a problem fucking me, but you have a problem committing to me. You don’t think there’s anything wrong with this, do you?” Breaking away from my hold, Breyoun rushed down the hall. When she reappeared, she had my son perched on her shoulder.

“He’s already taken a bath, and I gave him a snack before you came. I fixed him dinner, so the only thing you need to do is warm it up and feed him. His sippy cups have water, juice, and milk in them, so they will need to go in the fridge.” She gave me the rundown while passing him over to me. Guilt ate me up inside, seeing the excited look on his face. I didn’t deserve his love, but I wanted to.

“What’s going on with his birthday? My mom said that she saw an invitation, but we haven’t received anything.” She was already upset, so I figured I might as well get it out of the way.

“Yes, my family is throwing him a birthday party. I figured it would be best if we do his party separately to avoid any conflict or confusion,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“Come on, Bree. Don’t you think you’re taking us a little too far? I mean, it’s his first birthday. Why would he have two parties when we can all just come together? It’s not like we don’t have the bread.”

“This isn’t about money, Freedom. It’s about peace of mind. I already do all the work when it comes to your son. I’m not about to share his party with you. If you’re so pressed about celebrating his birthday, then you can plan a party and pay for it yourself. I’m done compromising in order to help you sleep better at night. I’m exhausted, both mentally and physically, even though I know you don’t care.”

“That’s not true at all, and you know it. My cousin has a whole party planning business, so if you needed help, you could’ve said something. You’re expecting me to read your mind, and I can’t. The only reason why I never said anything was because I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. I thought you would tell me and then send me the bill. If I had known that you had planned on doing them separately, then I wouldn’t be sitting here asking you.

I understand you’re upset with me, and you have every right to be. The problem comes with you punishing my family for my sins. They love him, and they want to be in his life just as much as I do. It’s not fair to keep pushing them away every time you and I fall out. My family has no problem telling me when I’m wrong, and they’re willing to play their part in his life. You just have to let them. You’re making things harder than they have to be.

There’s no reason for you to be struggling when I’m here, and my family is willing to be the village that you need. I know for a fact that your mother and you aren’t even close, so the fact that you have her planning this party tells me everything I need to know. You’re not only punishing me; you’re punishing yourself as well.”

“I hate you,” Breyoun blurted. As much as it hurts to hear, I deserved it. It wasn’t right for me to play with her feelings when I didn’t want anyone playing with mine. I need to be man enough to let her go so that she could heal. If I didn’t, it was just gonna cause more pain for all of us.

“I know. I’m gonna do everything I can to make things right for Sincere’s sake. As much as I don’t like the idea of you moving on, I know I’m not what you need. All I ask is that you find someone who isn’t gonna mistreat my son. Don’t bring him around anyone unless you’re serious about them. I don’t care if I have to hop on a plane every time you have to go on a date. I’ll make a way.” Breyoun sucked her teeth in response.

“Talk is cheap, Freedom. It’s about time you started putting some actions behind your words. Honestly, a relationship is the last thing that I’m looking for right now. I need to get over you and all the bullshit I’ve been through. All I want is for Sincere to be happy with two parents who can be cordial. We’ve had enough toxicity to last us a lifetime, and I’m over it.” I nodded before kissing Sincere on the forehead.

“I’m gonna keep him for a few extra days if that’s okay with you.” Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a knot of cash and then handed it all to her. Money has never been the issue; it’s always been our communication. Granted., I should’ve taken more initiative when it came to providing for Sincere. I just relied on the fact that she had my number if she needed anything. I’m realizing now that it was irresponsible on my part. Whether she needed anything or not, it’s my obligation to make sure that I’m doing my part.

Are you sure you’re up for it? You’ve barely even had any experience keeping him overnight. Is your mother going to be with you?” The concern laced in her tone offended me, but I guess she was well within her rights. This would be my first time having him for more than a few hours. Even the times I’ve gotten him, my family usually helped out.

“I’ll never get used to it if I don’t start now.” Adjusting his bag on my shoulder, we waved goodbye to Breyoun before heading out of the door.

“If he’s too much for you to handle, you can always bring him back.” She called out.

“Naw, enjoy the rest of your week. Catch up on some sleep and do something for yourself. He’ll be fine with me if I need help; I have family to help me.” She flinched at my words, even though it wasn’t my intention to be offensive, given the history she has with her family.

“Oh, okay. I’m not used to being away from him so I may call in the morning so I can FaceTime him as well as during the day and also at night.” I chuckled, knowing she meant it too. I wanted to use this as an opportunity to prove to myself I could do it, but also take some of the pressure off of her. As much as she probably didn’t want to admit it, I knew she needed this break more than she let on.

“I’m cool with it. As long as you’re not calling at the butt crack of dawn.” I gave her a warning look, so she knew I was being serious. She wouldn’t be getting an answer from me that early anyway.

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