Page 48 of Still Made For You

" You automatically assumed the worst of me without even allowing me the opportunity to decide if I could handle it! You know me better than that, Beauty. Even if I hadn’t been on board in the beginning, my love for you would have changed things for me.” He paced the kitchen while fresh tears dripped from my eyes.

I hated seeing the pain flashing across his handsome face. He already has enough on his plate and now I’d added to it. Granted, I hadn’t been the one who came looking for him, it didn’t change the facts. My actions hurt him and there wasn’t anything I could do to change things.

“I’m sorry, Renegade. I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing if I have to. I-my mind was so messed up after what they did to me, and I’ll admit I was selfish. My trust in people was snatched away from me and I allowed my fears to lead me. In my mind, I figured us breaking up would be inevitable, so I saved myself from the heartbreak. Plus, I thought since Prosper knew he-” The anger on Renegade’s face told me he wasn’t aware.

“I’m still trying to understand how the hell he knew this whole time and never said anything. I can’t even confront him because of his illness.” My head dropped when I realized I’d messed up again. I never wanted Prosper to be blamed for any of this. In the beginning, I faulted him for sending those men, but after years of counseling, I realized it wasn’t his fault.

For some reason., I always assumed Renegade knew why I’d left because his father played such an intricate role in how I’d been able to live in peace for so long.

“When’s the last time you’ve spoken with him?” Renegade growled in anger. I jumped momentarily because I wasn’t used to him having this kind of response to me.

“It’s been years. He came to check on me after the incident. Once he found out about what happened, I begged him not to say anything. At the time, I believed it was best to keep you in the dark given where you were. Plus, I felt so dirty, I didn’t want anyone to know what happened to me. I wasn’t ready for the looks of pity or sympathy, so I hid myself for the outside world.”

“Did he know where you were living?” Renegade and I told each other everything when we were together, so the guilt ate me up inside.

“Umm, technically yes. I-” Renegade turned to walk out of the room, leaving me sitting there. My feelings were hurt, but I’d brought this on myself. Although I was happy to be back around my first love we had so much to unpack.

I finished my food in silence, waiting for him to come back. Renegade never stayed upset long so I knew he’d come back at some point. Once I finished my food, I ventured off to the living room. River sent me a text with a picture of the boys playing at the arcade. Yaya’s son Deuce was there as well. I smiled at the photo of all the boys standing together with their arms draped around each other.

Saint smiled brightly, letting me know he was having the time of his life. He wasn’t used to being around new people and I thought it would make him anxious. Clearly, I’d been wrong as I watched the videos of him laughing and running around. I thanked her again before getting comfortable on the couch. There was a throw blanket draped over the back of it, so I pulled it over myself. My eyes grew heavy, and I knew I’d be asleep in a matter of moments.

***

Wakingupinthemiddle of the night, I almost forgot where I was. I remembered falling asleep on the couch which was why I was confused as I turned on my side in a bed, I wasn’t familiar with.

My first thought went to Saint, causing me to hop out of the bed. The darkness surrounding me let me know I’d slept for longer than I intended to. Pulling the sheets back, I searched for my phone to no avail. I decided to find Renegade to see if he could call it for me.

As I shuffled down the hallway, I heard Renegade’s voice causing me to pause for a moment.

“What’s this?” He asked. I wasn’t sure who he was talking to at first, but I got my answer after a few seconds.

“Uhh, a pig!” Saint squealed with excitement. I could hear the sounds of him clapping his hands together.

“Good job, buddy. What about this one?” It took a little longer than the first.

“Uh, a Zebra!”

“Yeah, man! Way to go!” I watched the two of then high five as Saint laughed.

“Let’s go get some ice cream before your momma wakes up,” Renegade told him as they got up from the couch. The moment they came into view, Renegade’s eyes glanced in my direction. He stared at me for a moment then focused his attention back on Saint. The two of them talked in a hushed tone as Renegade sat two bowls in front of them. Saint was seated on top of the counter as they discussed the toppings, they were going to put on it.

“Do you want sprinkles?” Renegade asked him, while assembling their sundaes. Jealousy took over as I watched the two of them interact with one another. I always thought Saint would have separation anxiety from being away from me, but the way he bonded with Renegade and his family seemed so effortless. It was as if he had known them his whole life.

“Alright, you’ve gotta hold the can like this then press down on the nozzle. See?” He instructed Saint on how to spray the whip cream onto his ice cream. The two of them laughed when it squirted out onto the floor.

“I think you might have put a little too much power behind it,” Gee teased him, tickling his tummy.

I ambled into the kitchen, making my presence known. I thought for sure Saint would be excited to see me, but his lackluster response caught me off guard.

“Hey, my baby. Did you have a good time?” He replied by nodding his head. He wasn’t the least bit interested in talking to me.

“Did you miss mommy, while you were gone?” I asked. Saints head shook from side to side; my mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Look, mommy! I have ice cream.” Renegade snickered on the side of me, causing me to glare at him.

“You’re interrupting him. He’s trying to eat his ice cream, not answer 21 questions.” I gave Gee the middle finger to let him know I wasn’t asking for his opinion. The two of them ate their ice cream together, leaving me to feel like the third wheel.

“Mommy, you want some?” Saint lifted his spoon to feed me.

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