Page 55 of Still Made For You

“He held my hand during my entire pregnancy, and once Tip was born, he spoiled him rotten. He loved my son as his own up until he took his last breath at fifteen.” I remember the story of her son being killed in a hit-and-run accident. Renegade had a tattoo of his name across his shoulder blade with clouds surrounding it.

“There’s nothing you can do to change the past, and that’s okay. What I will say is don’t underestimate the power of love. Prosper had his flaws, but his heart outweighed them all. My son has a heart much like his father. Allow him the chance to show you what he’s made of.” I watched her take a sip from her teacup as I processed her advice. Renegade and I hadn’t sat down to discuss anything outside of Prosper’s health and what I want to eat. He spent most of his time with Saint when he wasn't checking in on Prosper. The two of them had become as thick as thieves, leaving me secretly jealous. All this time, I questioned whether he could love my child, and he seemed to care about him more than me. Plus, we couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room, being that he was clearly in a relationship. I’m a firm believer in karma, and I could not afford any bad juju on my end. As much as I loved him, I’d never play the sidelines for anyone. Since he hadn’t made his intentions clear, I tried my best to keep him at arm’s length. My heart was much too fragile to play with it.

“Where is Saint anyway? I assumed he’d be here with you.” Triniti asked. I smiled, thinking about where my son was.

“Messiah came to pick him up this morning. He and his new bestie, Deuce had a play date at the Zoo. Renegade wanted to stop by the hospital to pick up Prosper then he’s supposed to be meeting them.” Miyana called me a few nights ago to ask if he could come. At first, I was hesitant, but I realized it came from us being isolated for so long. The delight on my son’s face confirmed I’d made the right decision.

“Aww, I’m going to have to come kidnap my baby soon.” I rolled my eyes at River. She’d been FaceTiming Saint almost daily since we’d been back home. My son loved every bit of the attention he’d received since our return. It almost caused me to feel guilty because I never considered what he’d miss out on by shutting everyone out.

“Don’t be a hater. I have a lot of catching up to do, so I’m going to take advantage as much as I can until y’all get married and give me more babies.” I choked on my tea.

“River please! You’re taking delusional to a whole other level. Renegade is in a whole relationship, so how do you even come up with us getting married and having children in that brain of yours?”

“The only person who’s delusional at this table is you, love. You’re crazy if you don’t see what we see. Our brother is just as crazy about you now as he was when you two first started dating.” Triniti interjected.

“Thank you, sis! I’ve always thought you were bright, Saya. There’s no way you don’t see the way Gee is handling you. Case in point, you’ve been here for over two weeks, and where have you been staying?” River retorted.

“Exactly!” She snickered. “He’s making room for the two of you in his home. Hell, he sent me to the store with his card to buy Saint a toy chest and new bedding for the “guest room”. Beauty, open your eyes and pay attention. It’s not a man’s words you have to pay attention to, it’s his actions.” My heart fluttered as I recalled all of Renegade’s behaviors lately. He had slowly been transforming his guest room into a kid’s room, and when I questioned him about it, he brushed me off. I thought maybe I misinterpreted what was going on. Apparently, I wasn’t paying close enough attention.

“I don’t want to think too deep into this. We both have separate lives that don’t include one another. I’m not here to intrude on what he has going on. I’m simply here to show support to a dear friend.”

“Ahaha! Girl, I cannot even take you seriously. I can’t wait to bring this up at your wedding, during my toast.” River taunted, popping a

“Period, sis. Both of them are going to drive us crazy, trying to act like we don’t see what’s going on. Just give me time to lose about ten pounds so I can fit into my dress. That’s all I ask.”

“The two of you are insane. I guess we’ll just have to see.” An incoming call interrupted my moment with them. A smile graced my face, and I hated the hold he still possessed over my heart.

“Hello?”

“Whatchu doing, beauty?” The butterflies crept in the moment I heard his voice.

“I’m still at your mom’s house with your crazy ass sisters.” I giggled as they talked shit in the background.

“They aren’t as crazy as you think, but ummm, how long do you plan on being there?” My thoughts were jumbled, trying to decipher what he meant by his previous comment.

“I’m not sure. Do you need me?” I assumed his inquiry about my plans meant he needed a favor or something.

“I’ll always need you. I’m good for the moment, though. Pops is finally home, so I’m running some errands for him.”

“How’s he doing?” I know this recent scare sent the whole family into a panic. Now that his health issues were made public, everyone’s been on his case about taking better care of himself. Granny Lula wanted him to move in with her, but he refused.

“He’s straight. He’s back to his usual self, cussing and flirting with every female with breasts and legs.” I cackled. As long as Prosper had air in his body, I don’t believe he’d ever change. It’s one of the things I’d grown to love about him the most. He was unapologetically himself, no matter what anyone else thought.

“I’m happy to hear it. I’m going to have River drop me off over there so I can sit with him. I could use the laughs.” Honestly, I wanted to thank him for what he’d done for me. When everything went down, we never spoke about what happened. My father told me Prosper dropped off a duffle bag for me and then disappeared into the night.

When I received the bag, I found a letter on top of a pile of money. In the letter, he told me I’d never have to watch over my shoulders again, and that he loved me. He made it clear that if I ever needed anything, all I needed to do was say the word, and he’d make it happen. The shame inside of me kept me from reaching out, but he still kept in touch. Every month, I’d get a letter in the mail with a check addressed to me for ten thousand dollars. I tried to send the first one back, only to receive two more two weeks later.

“Okay, shoot me a text when you’re ready to come home. I’m about to go meet up with ‘Siah and nem. Saint needed swimming trunks, so I grabbed him a couple of pairs along with some snacks.”

“Okay, do you need me to send you some money?”

“Stop fuckin’ playing with me.” I hadn’t expected his response, so I laughed nervously.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to offend you or anything. He is my child, after all.”

“You heard what I said, so I’m not even going back and forth with you. You’ve never used your money around me, so I don’t know why you would even ask some silly shit like that.”

“It feels like you’re yelling at me, and I don’t like it,” I whined, knowing he hated when I pouted.

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