Page 67 of Still Made For You

“Where are your slides?” His tone seemed void of any emotions leading me to assume he was upset with me. I passed him my shoes and sat back as he rubbed my feet then placed the slides on them.

Onyx hated to be in the spotlight, and I prayed we didn’t even up on some gossip blog in the morning thanks to my anger. The last thing I wanted to do was make him look bad in the public eye. Onyx has all kinds of major endorsements and I’d be heartbroken if my actions cost him any issues. By the time we got home, my notifications were going crazy. My fear had me avoiding them because I wasn’t sure if anyone posted a video of the fight. Although, Markeisha got what she deserved, I regretted even giving her my energy.

I took a shower as soon as got in the house, trying to rid myself of the negative energy stirring inside of me. A part of me questioned whether I should head home for the night in order to give us some space. I knew it was just my insecurities talking. Whenever Onyx and I got into any type of disagreement, he made sure we talked through it before going to bed. It took a while for me to get used to because I’ve always been a runner. Onyx handled me with patience; letting me know it’s okay to disagree without it destroying our relationship. Stepping into the bedroom, with my towel wrapped around my waist, I walked over to the dresser. I’d been leaving clothes all over his house for the last few months.

“Come here. Let me rap to you for a minute,” Onyx requested. My body shifted, but my feet took a while to move.

“Stop playing with me, woman. Bring your ass over here.” Throwing caution to the wind, I met him on the side of his bed. He reached out for me, planting me in between his legs.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked with my head facing down. He hated it when I did this, but I was afraid of his reaction.

“I’m not mad at you, baby. You reacted the way most people would have, given the circumstances. You were betrayed by someone you cared about, so it’s natural for you to feel some type of way. My biggest concern will always be your safety and well-being.” Onyx hooked my chin with his fingers, giving me no choice, but to look into his big, brown eyes.

“I’m not going to judge you for your reactions; however, you should never allow anyone to have that much power over you. People are spiteful and she could have pressed charges on you as get back. Things like that go on your record, not to mention the fact that it could take you away from your son. You have every right to defend yourself, but you have to think about the consequences behind every decision you make in life. My coach drills this into our heads on the daily basis. One bad decision or lapse in judgement could cost more than you’re willing to lose.” His advice made a lot of sense. I’ve never had anything to lose until I had Sincere.

Now I have to think twice about the people I allow around me as well as the choices I make. Guilt plagued me because I hadn’t even considered Markeisha pressing charges or the potential fallout from our fight. My anger got the best of me and all I saw was red.

“You’re right and it won’t happen again. I meant what I said back there. I may have lost a cousin, but I’m not upset about Freedom moving on. It took me meeting and falling in love with you to see how much I’d settled in my previous relationships. This is the first relationship where I don’t feel as though I’m fighting for my place. I’m secure and genuinely happy.

Although I’m hurt that he’s going out of his way to hurt me, I still wish him well. I could tell by the darkness in his eyes, he’s battling something far greater than our drama. I want my son to have a good childhood with two healthy and happy parents, so I pray he gets himself together and soon.” Through all of the drama from tonight, I didn’t miss the faraway look in Freedom’s eyes. There seemed to be something deeper troubling him and I prayed he got help before it was too late.

“I won’t even lie; I thank God he fumbled the way he did. You’re one the biggest blessings to ever stumble into my life. I promise whether he gets his shit together or not, you and Sincere will have everything you’ve ever needed. I mean that.” Cupping his face in my hands, I pressed my lips against his while he held me. Life comes with many hard lessons, but when the beauty of it all is that you will enjoy your blessings so much more. Onyx taught me love isn’t supposed to hurt and although I wish I’d learned this sooner, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

“Now take off these clothes and get on this bed,” He demanded. I wasted no time shipping down to nothing before assuming the position. Love hits different when it comes from a real man.

seventeen

“Let’sraiseourglassfor a real one! Happy Birthday, baby brother and welcome home! I’m proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished since you’ve been home. You already know how I’m coming behind you and I’m wishing you nothing but success. If you ever need me, I’m only one away! Cheers to the good life!” Renegade gave his speech in my honor.

“Cheers!” Everyone raised their glasses in celebration while I observed the scene in front of me. I used to pray for days like this, so to be standing here surrounded by my family felt surreal.

“I love you, Bro. Always and forever,” My brother embraced me. We’d been thick as thieves since babies, and nothing had changed. He’d helped me get through life as well as my prison sentence. No amount of money would be able to repay him for what he had done for me.

“I love you more. Thank you for holding me down through it all.” I hated the mushy shit, but my family brought out a soft spot in me.

“I’m going to keep this short otherwise, I’ll be crying in the club, and nobody wants that,” River held the mic in her hands with Triniti by her side. My heart beats in human form.

“We love you so much, LJ and-” River turned her head to hide her tears. Triniti held her and then took the mic.

“We missed you, L-Boogie. It’s been a long time since we’ve had all of the siblings together, but I pray we’ll have many more years of memories to come, so stay your butt out of trouble,” She warned, pointing her finger at me. The two of them talked to me almost daily while I walked down my bid. I hated missing so many of their milestones because they were my first babies.

“I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

“We love you so much. Now we have two brothers to hit up for money. Balance has been restored,” Triniti snickered, handing the mic back to River. Truthfully, it warmed my heart to be needed. My father taught us to take care of family, and I loved being the person my siblings could depend on.

“I’m sorry y’all. I tried to hold it in, but my siblings are my world. It’s been so hard walking around while a piece of my heart was locked up. God blessed us with the best big brothers in the whole world. I love you so much, LJ. I know I can get through anything in life as long as I have you in my corner, and you already know I’m in yours. I pray you receive everything your heart desires, preferably a wife and some babies because the two of you owe us nieces and nephews.” Of course, River’s ass through that bullshit in there.

Dating was the furthest thing from my mind, especially after all the bullshit with Demya. She refused to have any dealings with me at all, which I could fault her for. I fucked up, and these were the consequences of my actions. Since I’ve been free, I haven’t been too stressed about it. My old flames were blowing my line up, but I’ve been so focused on business, I haven’t had the time to entertain anyone. Right now, I need to have my mind focused on my future.

I’d missed out on so much I needed to hit the ground running. Renegade and Justice helped me find a building for my auto shop and I couldn’t wait to get it ready to open. I’ve been blessed to have money saved up thanks to my family, so my stresses were minimum. I could pour my all into my business without having to worry about my bills. My new place was completely furnished thanks to my siblings and Aunt faith. My family came through in more ways than I ever imagined.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I replied, taking a sip from my glass. The burn of the brown liquor felt oddly satisfying. I’ve been working so hard; breaks were few and far between. Tunnel vision hit me like a ton of bricks so partying and drinking were on the backburner. A few more family members congratulated me as we continued to party. From my side view I watched my father get up from his seat. I tried to get him to stay home, but of course he refused. He hated being babied and I respected him too much to go against his wishes.

“Why didn’t you flag us down, I would have brought the mic over to you,” Gee huffed under his breath.

“I’m a grown ass man, that’s why. It’s a shame how often I have to remind your ass,” Our father grunted. Holding the mic in his, I became overwhelmed with emotions. He’d lost so much weight, although he maintained his appearance. Still the same handsome player, but internally I knew his body needed rest.

“The measure of a man comes by how he carries himself after he makes a mistake. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, but you and your siblings are my greatest accomplishments. Regardless of the mistakes you’ve made in life, you handled them as a man should. Taking accountability and changing for the better. As a father, there isn’t much else I could ask for. I’m proud of the man you are and the one I know you’ll be.

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