Page 92 of The Good Girl's Guide to Being Bad

Instead, I said, “Okay,” sent Mom a quick text to let her know I was staying and got back into bed. I turned away from him, scooting all the way to the edge, but couldn’t seem to stay quiet.

“So…what’d you think of the movie?” I asked, wondering if he’d respond or if he really was asleep.

“I don’t trust that Wickham guy,” he mumbled.

I smiled. So, he was awake, and he’d been paying attention.

“And Darcy’s kind of a douche.”

“Nah,” I said, “it’s only a front. Mr. Darcy’s a complex guy, one of the most beloved heroes of all time.”

Colton grunted.

Looking around his room, unable to hold my tongue, I said, “Can I ask you something real?”

Another grunt.

“Do you know what you want to do after graduation?”

He answered immediately. “Cars,” he said.

“I know you love cars,” I said, noticing the posters of foreign cars on his wall—the only pictures on display besides a few of him and his brother—and what looked like an engine part on a towel sitting on his desk with a bunch of tools, “but what do you want to do? Go to college and study cars? Engineering?”

“Garage. Own one someday,” he mumbled.

Of course, Colton had it all figured out. Sometimes I felt like the only person who didn’t.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I said quietly, and when he didn’t grunt or respond, I hoped maybe he’d fallen asleep. I’d never confessed this to anyone. But it’d been clawing at me to get out, so with a deep breath, I admitted the ugly truth. “I have no idea what I want to do. After school, I mean.”

Again, Colton remained silent, and with my back to him, it was easy to keep talking.

“Part of me wants to go to college. But I have no idea what I’d study,” I went on. “I’m interested in so many things, have so many ideas. Part of me thinks if I go to college maybe I’ll figure it out. But another part…is terrified that I won’t. What if I never know what I want to do with my life? What if I never find the one thing that I’m really meant to do?”

There I’d said it. Confessed my worst fear to what was once my worst enemy, now the guy I was secretly falling for. But he was out like a light, so there was nothing to fear.

“Dance,” Colton said out of the blue, making me nearly jump out of my skin.

“You’re awake?” I gasped. “I thought you were asleep.”

“Dance,” he repeated. “You love it. That’s what you should do.”

Shaking my head, I said, “I do love dance and choreographing. It’s always been my dream. But seriously, Colton, I’ve been rejected seven times already. Maybe it’s a sign that I should stop dreaming and try something else.” I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Maybe I’m not good enough.”

Colton sighed and somehow ended up right behind me. One of his arms curled around my waist, his hand on my stomach and his legs pressed right up against the backs of mine. I was so surprised I stopped breathing for a moment.

“It means you’re trying,” he said. “God Sadie, do you know how brave you are? You get rejected but keep putting yourself out there. It takes guts to do that.”

“Or stupidity,” I muttered, having regained my ability to speak.

“You are good enough,” Colton said. “Their opinion doesn’t matter, only yours does. Do what you love. Smart or stupid, that’s always the right choice.”

If I hadn’t been lying down, that bit of wisdom would’ve knocked me flat. I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried. Minutes passed and still, I had nothing. We lay there, Colton at my back with his arm over my stomach, his breaths deepening once again. My mind kept replaying his words, my heart leaning more toward him with every breath.

Colton buried his head in my hair with a sigh.

“Beautiful,” he mumbled.

Must be the fever, I thought, half-hoping he’d say it again, half-dreading it because it fed my delusions. No matter how much I wanted him, no matter how much I willed it to be true, Colton would never be mine. Despite what he said, I wasn’t brave. I was a coward through and through.

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