Page 44 of Rhodes to Love

I’d slept in this bedroom a many days for naps when I was little. The bed seemed like it was high as the sky back then. I took off my shoes and got in. “God, soften my heart, because what you’ve required of me seems practically impossible. I don’t want to pray for those people. I literally felt nothing about the boys Ace killed. Forgive me. I’m not operating in Your love. Use me to bring peace to our family and theirs. Help them to live in their truths, and take the hate from their hearts.”

I huffed again as Roselynn kicked. “Take the hate away from our hearts concerning them as well. You said for us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us that we may be sons of Yours. I’m being obedient, God. I ask that You would bless them with knowledge and wisdom. Bless them with Your love. Help them to operate in love. We are in desperate need of a cease fire. Too much blood has been shed. We all need You. Thank You for loving us. Keep my cousin in Your care. He needs You too. I love and praise You for what I know You’re going to do. In Your son’s name. Amen.”

When I opened my eyes and lay flat on my back, I saw my brother, KJ, standing there. “You okay, Rima?”

“Yeah. Just came up here to pray.”

“Yeah. I heard you praying for those people.”

I chuckled. “I was just being obedient to God.”

“Mm-hmm. You better than me, ’cause fuck them people. I have not an ounce of love in my heart for them.”

“You nor anyone else, but that was what I was praying for. You don’t have to be in their face, but the hatred you’re harboring towards them will affect you more than them.”

He nodded then gently rubbed my stomach. “How are you handling the pregnancy?”

“I’m handling it well. Rhodes has really been good to me. I really wish y’all could be cool, but I know that will take time. Y’all are so protective of me. Daddy was at the house earlier and didn’t say a word about Grandpa. I knew that was to protect me until he knew more. But… I’m grown now. I need y’all to understand that I will be okay and that I can handle whatever comes my way.”

He took a deep breath as I sat up. “You right. I’m gon’ try. I was willing to try before, but it seems I was knocked backwards concerning him with y’all being shot at.”

He helped me to my feet so I could go back downstairs. Before I could walk away, he hugged me. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist. Although I was close to Kingsley, Kendrall was the second man I loved. He took care of me, even though he was still a kid himself. Daddy taught him to always look out for me. I kissed his cheek and said, “I love you, Kendrall.”

“I love you too, baby girl.”

We walked back downstairs to see everyone eating. I wasn’t sure what Aunt Jen and Aunt Chrissy had cooked up in there, but it smelled good. My eyes immediately landed on Rhodes’s. He had a plate of food for me sitting on a TV tray next to him. He stood and came to me.

“Are you okay, baby? I didn’t want to follow you up there and have anyone thinking I was just walking all over your grandparents’ home.”

“I’m okay. I needed to pray. What did they cook?”

He smiled and kissed my head. Before he could respond, Kendrall had extended his hand to him. I smiled at the gesture. Rhodes shook his hand and nodded. No words were exchanged, but I knew that was my brother’s way of trying to honor my wishes.

“They fried fish and French fries and boiled corn on the cob. I know you’re hungry. That bag of chips you ate probably been gone.”

“Hell yeah. I’m starving, and Roselynn is definitely letting me know.”

He chuckled and gently rubbed my belly. “Daddy finna set her straight, princess.”

I rolled my eyes slightly, and a tear slid down my cheek. I quickly wiped it. No matter how much I was trying to pretend to be strong, the hurt of losing my grandfather ran deep. I didn’t want anyone to doubt my words by seeing me break. Just because I could hear from God didn’t mean I didn’t feel sorrow at times. I knew they would misconstrue it though. So I typically kept my emotions to myself until I was alone.

I glanced up at Rhodes, and I knew he saw and understood me. “I got’chu when we get home, baby.”

I took a deep breath and gave him a tight smile. Sitting next to him, I blessed our food then inhaled it, using it as a distraction from everything around me. Its secondary thing was to nourish my body. With everyone around me feeling sorrowful, I needed to disappear for a moment to get my spirit right. As soon as I was done eating, that was exactly what I would do.

CHAPTER18

RHODES

We were in the air tub, and I was holding my baby as she lay on her side between my legs, her head resting on my chest. I could see that she was needing to be alone. She was holding in so much for the sake of her family. The way I understood her and could sense and see things about her was scary. It was like God was granting me access to not only her physical sanctuary between her legs and the one in her chest, but the sanctity of her spirit as well.

I rubbed her wet hair and watched the tight curls bounce back after my hand left them. She glanced up at me and said, “You said you would tell me what you saw while I was speaking to my family.”

I closed my eyes and held her tighter to me. “When your uncle put you on that table, it was like someone put a spotlight on you. Heaven had opened, baby, and God allowed me to actually see it. I literally saw you surrounded by angels. It took my breath away. At first, I was scared, thinking something was about to happen to you. Once I realized what was happening, I had to thank God for allowing me to see it.”

She sat up and turned to me with her eyebrows lifted. “You saw angels?”

“Yeah. It feels like God wants me to feel and understand what you feel. So, he allowed me to see why you felt the way you did. I remember you told me you get somewhat warm when God speaks to you, and that the hair on your arms and neck stand. Maybe that’s why. Angels are encamped around you, baby. I’m so blessed to be with a woman that’s so close to God’s heart. It makes me want to be better.”

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