She squeezed my hand. ‘None of it’s easy but try to enjoy the happy moments. Look at your dad right now. That hat. That smile. He might be confused about many things but he knows what his birthday means and who doesn’t love a birthday?’
I watched him laughing as he pulled on a second party hat, making him look like he had horns. Seeing him so carefree like that lifted me. Marnie was right about there being happy moments within the sadness. I needed to take them in and remember that, at the end of the day, the man in the two hats was still my amazing dad and the sense of humour I’d always loved so much was still there.
‘Happy birthday, Stanley,’ I said, joining him a few minutes later and placing his gift bag on the table. ‘Are you having a nice day?’
He smiled at me but there wasn’t even a flicker of recognition. I sometimes wondered whether the sight of me might have triggered something if I’d been his or Mum’s biological daughter and had inherited my looks from either of them. There might even have been a chance if I’d looked like my biological mother, Evie, but I apparently resembled my biological father and he’d never been in our lives. I didn’t have any photos of him, although I had several of Evie and all I appeared to have inherited from her were my full lips.
‘We’ve been to the zoo,’ Dad said, smiling at me before rattling off a list of birthday presents he’d received including a train set. ‘Mum’s made me a cake.’
‘How lucky are you? I bet it’s really tasty.’
‘Mum’s cakes are delicious.’
I sat back in my chair and watched Dad opening his cards and gifts, my throat tightening with his cry of, ‘My favourites!’ when he unwrapped the box of Jelly Babies, and tears blurring my eyes when he unwrapped the teddy bear and cuddled it against his chest. I’d had it made from Mum’s favourite bright red chenille throw and had sprayed it with her perfume. Dad sniffed it and made a comment that it smelled nice, but the fragrance didn’t appear to trigger any memories. Probably just as well. It had been heartbreaking when he’d kept asking where she was and why she’d left him. Better now that he didn’t remember her at all.
The team from Cuddles & Paws arrived and soon the residents were stroking the animals. The smile on Dad’s face as he stroked the ears of a fluffy grey rabbit was a joy to behold. It was so much nicer seeing his fingers touching something alive rather than his fiddle cushion, especially as the rabbit was also holding his full attention. No more searching for something. Or at least for a short while.
Marnie approached me as the party began winding up. ‘Do you need to rush home or have you got time for a chat?’
‘Has he been wandering again?’
‘No, nothing like that. There’s just something I’d like to talk to you about without my work head on, so it would be good to go off-site if that’s okay. The Farrier’s Arms will be open.’
The Farrier’s Arms was one of those newbuild pubs designed to lookolde worldebut which fooled nobody. I’d heard that the food was decent but, as I had nobody to dine with, I’d never been.
‘Fine by me. I’ll just say goodbye to Dad.’
The teddy bear was sitting on the gift table. I picked it up and handed it to Dad, who smiled at me.
‘Do you like your bear?’
‘I love it.’
‘Are you going to give it a name?’
He studied the bear for a while and shrugged. ‘I’m not good at naming things, but maybe…’ He tilted his head to one side. ‘Poppy.’
My heart leapt. He recognised me! ‘Yes?’ I whispered.
‘For the bear,’ he clarified. ‘It’s the colour of poppies.’
I swallowed back the disappointment blocking my throat. Of course he hadn’t recognised me. No miracles here.
‘So it is,’ I said, my voice a little strained. ‘I’ll tell you something funny. Poppy’s my name too.’
‘Is it?’
‘Yes. I was called that because I was born on Remembrance Day – the eleventh day of the eleventh month.’
‘Poppy,’ he said, looking from the bear to me. His eyes locked with mine for a moment and I willed some sort of recognition. ‘Do you…’ He frowned and I wondered what he was trying to unlock. He leaned over to the table and picked up the open box of sweets. ‘Do you want a Jelly Baby?’
Nothing more than wishful thinking on my part yet again. ‘I’m all right, thank you. Full of birthday cake.’
‘I don’t know who gave me the bear,’ he said, glancing round the room.
‘It was from me.’
He knitted his brows. ‘Why?’