Page 81 of Sunshine After the Rain

What could Jessie possibly want to see me for? Intrigued, I replied immediately to say I’d be there.

I did a couple of hours’ work then set off on foot to meet Jessie. It was a bright day with only a few white clouds breaking up the blue sky. The sun filtering through the gaps in the trees warmed my face and arms and I felt a lightness in my step. Last night before settling down to sleep, I’d looked at the photos of Mum and the alpacas and finally cried over losing her. I’d even welled up this morning seeing Jolene and Maud being really cute together, looking like they were giving each other kisses. I hoped that, now that the cork was out and I’d released my tears, I wasn’t going to find myself at the other extreme, crying over everything like Georgia did.

I arrived at The White Willow five minutes early and spotted Jessie seated at a window table, a pram beside her. She waved when she saw me and I couldn’t resist peeking into the pram when I joined her.

‘Aw, Jessie, she’s gorgeous. What’s her name?’

‘Isla. She was ten days late so she’ll be five weeks tomorrow.’

‘Congratulations to you both.’

‘Thank you, and thanks for meeting me at such short notice.’

‘I was intrigued when I got your message.’

Kelly appeared, greeting us warmly, and we placed an order for hot drinks and scones.

‘Seeing you outside The Byre was quite the surprise,’ Jessie said when Kelly left. ‘I’m really glad we got to talk, but I didn’t tell you the whole truth and it’s been niggling away at me ever since.’

Whatever she was about to reveal evidently made her nervous as she’d picked up the salt shaker and was twiddling with it rather than making eye contact with me.

‘Go on,’ I encouraged, my voice soft. ‘You can tell me anything.’

She continued to twiddle with the salt. ‘When Noah died, you wanted to know who he was hanging around with and who’d got him into drugs. I told you I didn’t know – just that they were a bad crowd – but that’s not true. I knew exactly who they were.’

My stomach lurched. After all these years, was I about to finally find out the answer?

She put the salt down and held my gaze. ‘It was Trent. He’s the one who got Noah into drugs.’

I clapped my hand across my mouth. I’d expected her to rattle off some names of kids I’d never heard of, not to name her brother.

‘Trent? But I didn’t think they were even in touch. I thought they’d drifted apart when Trent moved up to sixth form.’

‘They had. Trent didn’t like Noah and me being together – said he didn’t want to be the third wheel. They’d never mixed at school anyway – different friendship groups – so they drifted apart naturally. Trent’s mates were trouble. They got into drinking at an early age and started dabbling with drugs at college. One of them even did some dealing. When Noah started at sixth form, he didn’t have anything to do with them at first but we went to a party towards the end of the first year and it was in this really rough house. I refused to stay, but Noah refused to leave. Trent turned up after I’d gone and that’s where it all started, although I didn’t know that until much later.’

‘Did you know your brother was into drugs?’

‘I’d heard Mum and Dad arguing about it and I hadn’t believed it but then I saw him high and…’ She shook her head. ‘It was awful. At that point, Noah was a couple of terms into sixth form and I knew he’d had nothing to do with Trent so I didn’t tell him about the drugs cos I didn’t think he’d ever be at risk.’

Our drinks and scones arrived so we paused the conversation for a moment. I sipped on my cappuccino but my stomach was in knots so I left the scone untouched.

‘Noah wasn’t himself over the summer,’ Jessie said. ‘He kept cancelling on me and, when we did go out, he was often moody and distracted. He’d never mentioned my brother and he’d always said drugs were for losers so it never entered my head that they’d reconnected at that dodgy party and Noah had started doing drugs himself. I can’t believe I was so blind to it.’

‘That makes two of us. I hadn’t a clue either. Was that when you found out? After the summer?’

‘Later than that.’ Tears pooled in her eyes. ‘There was this Halloween party and I stupidly assumed everyone would be getting dressed up. I made a big effort and, when I turned up, nobody else was in costume and they were all laughing at me. And then I saw Trent and Noah together. They were both high and it suddenly all slotted into place.’

It was uncomfortable hearing it so I could only imagine how Jessie must have felt seeing her brother and boyfriend in that state.

‘We split up shortly after that,’ she said, her voice hoarse. ‘When Noah died and you found out it was because of the drugs, I wanted to tell you what I knew, but Mum and Dad were scared of the repercussions for Trent and they asked me to stay quiet. I’m so sorry.’

The tears were flowing freely now and my heart broke for her to have gone through that at such a young age. I was furious with Helen and Guy for pressurising her to keep quiet. I understood they were trying to protect their son, but what about their daughter? What about Noah? No wonder they’d pulled away from me instead of supporting me. They’d made out that I was too forceful with my questions but what they’d really been doing was closing ranks.

As Jessie pulled a packet of tissues from Isla’s changing bag, I experienced a moment of clarity. Alice had said that the boat house and the car couldn’t be blamed for her accident. The blame lay with Hubert Cranleigh because he was the one who’d made the decision to drive drunk and to cover it up afterwards. In Noah’s case, Trent and his dodgy mates had been key players but ultimately there was only one person to blame for Noah’s death and it was the one person at whom, up until this moment, I hadn’t pointed the finger. Talk about an epiphany! The only person truly responsible for Noah’s death was Noah. He chose to take the drugs. He chose to do something risky and paid for it with the ultimate price. I could have done with a few minutes to let that sink in but that would be unfair to Jessie who was clearly distressed.

‘You don’t need to apologise,’ I said. ‘What happened to Noah wasn’t your fault, or your parents’ fault. It wasn’t even Trent’s. Noah could have said no. He could have walked away but he didn’t.’

‘I wish he had. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.’

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