Page 12 of Lesson In Faith

“There you are. I think we’ll get the bath out of the way,” he mused aloud. “You’ll feel better once you’re clean and warm. Linnie will put the IV and catheter back in when she gets here.” His arms tightened when she struggled. “Stop. Listen to me. The IV isn’t negotiable—you need it, for the next few days at least. If you’re a good girl and don’t try running, hiding, or beating me to death with a pillow, no one will sedate you. I won’t allow it. Okay?”

Tamsyn jerked her head once.

“We can talk about the catheter. I don’t care if you have an accident and wet the bed.” When she stopped struggling, he carried her further into his home. “Chances are, it’s gonna happen. Once you’re asleep—a deep, relaxed sleep—you might not wake up when your bladder tells you. Did you hurt yourself when you pulled out the last one?”

Another, subtler nod.

“Linnie will take a look.” He frowned when she shook her head adamantly. “She’s the doctor, darlin’. We’re gonna listen to what she has to say. If you don’t want her to put the catheter in, I’ll do it. Might be she says you’re too sore to have another one.”

Yes, that sounded like a plan. She could still feel the sharp, crippling pain of the tube ripping free.

“Don’t think you’re in any condition to stand and take a shower,” he continued, turning into a different room; this one with pale blue walls, white tiles and fixtures, and shiny metal taps. “You’re gonna sit here for a second while I set the bath running.”

The toilet seat lid—a luxury in her world—clanged when he used his foot to drop it. She clung to his shirt as he lowered her to sit, then reluctantly released him to keep the blanket and his jacket in place. When he stroked a light hand down her arm in reassurance, she reveled in that small touch.

“I’m guessing you could talk not so long ago,” Merrick said conversationally as he crossed over to the big, shockingly white tub and bent over to set the plug in the bottom. Water crashed into the porcelain base a moment later. “Your vocal chords still work to some extent—you whimper and whine, and make odd little noises, darlin’, I’ve heard you. So are you afraid to use your voice, or did something happen to silence it?”

She wished she knew.

He came back to her, lowering to one knee. Tossing the jacket aside first, he met her eyes. “I think you’re afraid, little owl. There’s nothing wrong with that. Hopefully you’ll realize you don’t have to hide behind your voice—or lack of it.”

She couldn’t tell him it wasn’t an active choice on her part. Things would be so much better, so much easier, wouldn’t they, if she could just explain everything he wanted to know?

Steam began to wisp in the air behind him. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been treated to a bath all on her own, without the dirty, tepid water of the dozen women who’d bathed before her. The ability to clean oneself in fresh, hot water was a man’s privilege.

Merrick parted the edges of her blanket, reaching for her left arm. With only his fingertips on the underside of the limb, he lifted it slightly, scowling at the painful disaster. “This is another reason for the IV, little owl. We’ll ask Linnie for some more pain meds.”

She’d rather go without them. The lack of pain was nice, but she hated the wooziness and out-of-body feeling that came with the drugs.

He chuckled, setting her arm back down. “Judging by your expression, you’re not keen on the idea. Unfortunately, your health and comfort now falls to me. That means taking care of you even when the drugs kick your legs out from under you. Been there, done that, darlin’.”

The difference was, he was a man. He didn’t have to concern himself with what happened when he was under the influence—no one strapped him down under the guise of a health exam and stuck needles in his arm to make the memories fuzzy.

Merrick ran a knuckle along her cheekbone, then rose to attend to the bath again. Dipping a hand in the water, he switched on the other faucet until hot and cold merged into warm. “I’m gonna tell you something, little owl, and you’re gonna keep hearing it until it takes root. Don’t know where you come from, don’t know if you’re planning on heading back there. While you’re here, you aresafe. I see secrets in your eyes, darlin’, and they aren’t the good kind.”

He wrenched the taps off, turning to face her. Flipping open the button on his cuff, he started rolling the shirt sleeve up until it was over his elbow, then repeated the movement all over again with the other arm. The motion of his strong fingers was hypnotic.

“No one on this property will attempt to touch you inappropriately. They won’t try to hurt, scare, intimidate, or control you in any way. Not without consent, at least,” he muttered under his breath. “For now, you’re confined to the cabin—mainly because in your current state of health, it’s not smart to let you wander around. If and when that changes, if someone hasn’t come forward to find you, there will be some paperwork to sign. Right now, all you have to focus on is being safe.”

Tamsyn nodded slowly. Obviously, she couldn’t tell him that her reading and writing skills were on the same level as a child’s; without a penis, she wasn’t worth wasting time, energy, and education on.

“That goes for me, too,” Merrick added in a serious tone. “This arrangement means you and I are gonna be in close proximity for a few days, with me taking care of you. Bathing, bathroom duties, personal care…” He seemed to struggle for his next words. “You always have a choice, little owl, when and where possible. Like now, for instance. Need to take that blanket from you and lift you into the tub. After that, it’s your choice whether you bathe yourself or need a hand.”

A touch of heat made her neck, then her cheeks tingle.

She glanced down at herself. It didn’t matter, she supposed. He’d already seen her naked, and she wasn’t exactly attractive, was she? Flat chested, bones lifting beneath her patchwork skin, thin limbs… even if she wanted a moment in a man’s spotlight, that light wouldn’t be flattering.

A man like Merrick wouldn’t be interested in someone like her, even if she had a voice and breasts.

If she had any sort of desire to get… familiar with a man.

Besides, she wasn’t used to havingchoices. There was little freedom for women in the community when a man was present—it was allyes, sirandno, sirandwhatever you say, sir. If she even thought about making a choice, especially one that didn’t coincide with his wishes, it usually resulted in an extended period of time in isolation, a visit to the doctor, or just a plain ole beating to get those pesky feelings of independence out of her system.

She blinked slowly, and suddenly Merrick was crouched in front of her again. Seriously, did he have magic powers that allowed him to move so quick and quiet?

“Don’t think it’s gonna be wise leaving you alone in the tub, darlin’.” He grasped the edges of the blanket and spread it open, letting it slide down to pool around her hips. “Can you stay awake until Linnie gets here?”

Of course, she could. She wasn’t tired. Her eyes were just a little sore, that was all.

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