Page 78 of Lesson In Faith

It would all be over in an hour, she reassured herself. She could handle sixty minutes.

She gave a good attempt at drying her hair, then gave up and slipped on her robe.

Her bravado wasn’t so well developed she could meet Fordham in nothing but a towel.

Padding into the living room, she went to stand by the fire, hoping the heat would calm her. The cold in her bones was gnawing, making her shiver. She wanted to be surrounded by Merrick’s arms, cuddled into the kind of heat only he provided, that burned away her anxiety and gave her messy mind peace.

Her breath caught as a thought struck her.

Would he stay with her, hold her hand, while his friend took her?

Would he want to watch another man accept the gift she’d offered him?

Tamsyn whimpered softly and closed her eyes, bowing under the pressure beating down on her shoulders. There were too many questions and no way to voice them.

She almost bolted for cover like a rabbit into a thicket at the quiet knock on the front door. Worse, her stomach revolted, drowning in nausea, threatening to expel its contents yet again.

“Hello? Merrick?”

“Kitchen.”

She listened to footsteps approach the kitchen, then heard Fordham curse.

“Christ. Taking it well, I see.”

Merrick’s voice rumbled in reply, too low for her to hear.

“This isn’t set in stone. I can go home and let you two deal with it.”

Another, angrier rumble.

“I was going to ask if you had a game plan in mind, but obviously not. Why don’t I go make Tamsyn comfortable, and you join us when you’ve got your head out of your ass? I’m assuming you want to be present?”

She strained to hear Merrick’s answer, but that rough and angry rumble was all she got. It plucked at her nerves like fingers on guitar strings, hitting discordant notes.

“Do her a favor, Merrick. If you can’t get your emotions under control, don’t bother coming in. I know it has to be hard, but if you’re doing this to give her a good experience, you’re going to fuck it all up by upsetting her. If she’s uptight and anxious, this is a waste of time.”

Now the footsteps were heading in her direction.

Though there was blood pumping through her veins in jerky beats, it felt as though her heart stopped when Fordham appeared in the doorway, one hand in his pocket, with a rueful smile curving one side of his mouth. “Hey, sweetheart. Mind if I come in?”

She shifted nervously, struggling to take a breath.

“Merrick’s taking a moment to get himself under control,” he continued calmly, stepping inside the room. “This is a nasty predicament for both of you. I know it’s not ideal, but he has his heart in the right place.” He gestured to the other side of the fire. “Can I come over there? It’s cold out, even though it’s a short walk.”

Her lips quivered as she nodded.

He walked over, bracing a hand on the mantel. He wasn’t as thickset in build as Merrick, leaner in several areas. There wouldn’t be the same comforting weight on top of her when he…

“Merrick said you’ve agreed to this, Tamsyn. Before we go any further, I want to confirm that for myself. Are you okay with it, honestly?”

Not with any part of it, but what choice did she have? Merrick wasn’t going to do it, and there was no chance of deeper intimacy between them until her virginity was in the past.

When she nodded unhappily, Fordham sighed. “This bodes well. I know I’m not the one you really need, sweetheart. There’s nothing to stop you changing your mind at any point, I want to make that crystal fucking clear. Normally, we use the light system as a safeword—red for stop, yellow for wait, green for go—but we have your vocal issues to take into consideration.”

Tamsyn remembered having this conversation with Merrick. She raised her shaking hand and, although it took a couple of attempts, managed to snap her fingers with a clear burst of noise.

“That solves that problem.” Fordham winked at her. “What happens here tonight is… I’m a tool, sweetheart. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m not going to ask anything of you other than to relax and try to enjoy yourself. I won’t try to kiss you, I don’t want to take anything from you. As far as I’m concerned, you belong to Merrick. Okay?”

---