Page 25 of Delayed Penalty

How do I explain that just because I’m not going back to him, doesn’t mean that we’re turning this into something it’s not?

“Nope. I’m pretty sure cheating on me with at least two women last night made this one pretty cut and dry. Although, he’s not quite getting the hint,” I say, looking out the window at the city, focusing on the madness below and not the busyness in my mind.

“What do you mean he’s not getting the hint?”

“Oh, he’s just been texting and calling me since like five this morning and doesn’t understand it’s over. He keeps waiting for me to quit being dramatic and to come back to him. Then, he wasa dick and said I have nowhere else to go and I’d come crawling back to him.

It’s quiet, too quiet, as I look back and see Harris is doing the same. Only he looks lost in thought.

“Well… you could always stay here. You know, until you get your life figured out,” he says quietly, his eyes looking up to meet mine and I see it now.

The hope.

I can’t stay here with him.

I know I could; it would make my life a lot easier to not have to search for a place right off the bat, plus he’s a lot closer to my work than Kelly is. It would take me at least an hour longer of commute time to and from work, and also, by the looks of it, he has a lot more room than Kelly does with the kids already sharing a room right now.

But I also know it’s a bad idea… especially after what we let happen last night… and again this morning. I emotionally don’t think I’m prepared to have to be around him, yet somehow keep my emotions turned off. Maybe one day we could be able to be around each other and not let the sexual tension get the best of us.

“I think we both know that’s not really the best idea,” I say with a smile, setting my coffee cup down and turning to face him. “What happened last night?—”

“Don’t you dare say it was a mistake, what happened between us could never be a mistake and you damn well know it,” he seethes, every word filled with intensity.

“That’s not true. It was a moment of weakness while I was emotional, and we went with something we both felt safe with. Sexual tension started from day one with us, and it’s always been superhot so it’s really no surprise we had as good of a time as we did. But it can’t happen again.”

“Why not?” he asks quietly. “Nothing about what has happened between us feels like a mistake. We didn’t just run into each other for you to leave your fiancé and us not to see what this is.”

“No, Harris. We know what this is. It’s comfortable and it was easy and I’m sorry I let my vulnerability cause this confusion, but I’m not willing to go down this road with you when the last time we did it ended so horribly.”

“Ave, come on now, that was so long ago. I’m not even asking you to move in as my girlfriend. I’m just telling you I can help you out, be a friend for you. Why not, though? I have the means, I have the space, if you feel safe with me then it feels silly for you to not let me help you out.”

“No. I’m getting out of a relationshipwith a fiancé, I’m not jumping into living with an ex,” I say, knowing I need to start getting a move on and get out of here, but he’s not making this easy on me. “Look, I’m just going to get my stuff ready and head over to get my car then go over to my sister’s so I can start figuring out what to do next.”

I stand up, leaving Harris sitting there and go rinse out my mug in the sink, the feeling of his eyes follow me the entire time, but he doesn’t say anything until I’m nearly in the doorway to his room.

“If you just give me five minutes to change, I can drop you off on my way.”

I look at him for a moment considering telling him no, but unfortunately it would make my life a lot easier if I didn’t have to lug bags around the city just to get to my car.

“Fine, but only if I won’t make you late.”

“I’m pretty sure they’ll be okay if they have to wait a minute or two for me. Especially if they knew it was to help a friend.”

I just nod and get my stuff ready, doing my best to not let my mind wander on what sort of plans he’s got going on today, justpraying it’s not with another woman after everything we did last night.

The emotionsand the reality of everything I’m going through hits me the second I’m on my sister’s couch with a bottle of wine, our pajamas on and some action movie ready to play on the TV, because who wants a chick flick when you’re going through a breakup.

And in this moment I feel like I just went through two.

With Peter, it’s not that I’m mourning him in the sense one would assume after you’ve been together for almost six years. No, I’m more mourning the old me, the one before Peter turned me into a shell of myself. I’m most certainly not sad I’m not with him anymore, I’m sad I stayed with him for so long when all he wanted to do was suck the joy from my life.

I should have just treated him like a Dementor and just eat chocolate whenever he’s around, but then he’d probably just tell me it’d make my ass too big.

His loss, I tend to like my ass on the bigger side, more for a man to hold onto.

But that’s beside the point. I’m frustrated that I let myself be so blind to how unhappy I was for so long that I don’t even recognize myself anymore. That doesn’t mean I’m not afraid of the repercussions that will most likely come from the fallout in these next few weeks as we slowly untangle our lives, but I also know that I’m not willing to let a man dictate life if they’re not willing to put in the work to be a partner. So now I feel like a little kid staying with my big sister as we snuggle and drink.

“I feel like I should be throwing you a celebration for finally leaving his sorry ass, but I also know the right thing to do isto be respectful and let you process your breakup if that’s what you need. So, which one is it?” Kelly breaks the silence bluntly. Subtlety has never been her strong suit.

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