Page 74 of This

“When I sat across from her, she glanced up from her book and said, ‘What you desire isn’t here. Seek it elsewhere.’ She went right back to reading as if I weren’t there, but the words felt important. Like she knew what I was missing and that it was out there for me to find. A few days later, I saw this bracelet in the window of a thrift store, so I bought it as a reminder to keep searching or whatever.”She shrugged, returning her gaze to my chain.“Crazy, I know. She probably just wanted me to leave, and the bracelet was way overpriced, considering the other side’s word had worn off.”

“So, what are you looking for, Bennett?” I’d asked this once before—before I knew how much I wanted the answer.

“I’m starting to think I won’t know until I find it.”Peeking up at me again, she added,“But I’ll let you know when I do.”

As I lay her bracelet on the nightstand, I reach for my chain out of habit, but nothing’s there. I lost it a few months ago—somewhere in Colorado. It was a graduation gift from my mother. I’d found it in a drawer before I left for college, wrapped with a note reminding me, no matter where I went or how long I was gone, to come home. Seems fitting I lost it the last time I visited Bennett.

Maybe I should go to the couch, let her sleep, but I strip off my shirt and jeans and crawl in beside her. I pull her to me, needing to remember how she feels. When I press a kiss to her forehead, her eyes flutter open. She stays against me, holding my gaze, and I know she won’t go anywhere. Not tonight at least. Which means I need to memorize everything about having her here with me before she leaves again.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers.

I slowly breathe out, hesitant to lose the calm settled between us, but I’ve gotten the condolences. Now I want the explanation. “Why didn’t you go to San Francisco?”

“Because your grandpa died.” She readjusts, moving her head onto the pillow so we’re nose-to-nose. “Keaton called this morning, so I flew here instead.”

“And you didn’t think to text? Or call?” I shake my head, confused why she wouldn’t tell me. “I thought you stood me up.”

“Liam said to leave you alone and that you’d reach out when you were ready. Then you did, and everything I tried to say sounded terrible, so…” She presses her lips together and looks down. “I came here.”

And I went anywhere else.

She pulls away. I almost fight her until I realize she’s checking her phone. She rolls back to me, her face only inches from mine.

“It’s your birthday.”

“Ask me what I want,” I tell her.

A hint of tension creeps into her forehead, and her voice drops low. “What do you—”

I cover her mouth with mine and remember what it’s like to breathe. She gasps, but then her hands move to the sides of my face. Her lips part, and our tongues collide as I jerk her body closer.

“Dane…” She puts little weight behind what I assume she means as a warning that nothing has changed. I’m not allowed to ask her to stay, and she doesn’t want me to go.

“Bennett”—I push my forehead against hers, my hands already nudging down her shorts—“I don’t fucking care.”

Her eyes dart back and forth between mine before she nods and teases her fingers inside the elastic of my briefs. I kiss her, convinced if I stop, she’ll stop, and I need her to keep touching me. I need more than memories and dreams. I need Bennett for however long she’ll give me.

I’ll deal with the consequences of losing her again. The pain when she walks away will be real, brutal, and I’ll only have myself to blame. But who the hell am I kidding? I’ll destroy myself over and over for her.

Ican’t fall asleep withBennett in my bed. If I drift off with her weight on me, I risk waking up alone. So, I creep out of my own fucking house at five in the morning.

To avoid being a complete asshole, I leave a note on the kitchen counter. A white scrap paper telling her I need to take care of a few things. At first, I wanted to write out a sticky note. Place a kiss on her forehead before pressing it on her pillow. But it felt sacrilegious, a tainting of something beautiful.

Liam’s truck is at the gym when I get there—twelve hours ahead of our usual workout time. Even before seeing him hanging out in the locker room, I assume his purpose is to find me. Understandable, since I returned to ignoring the world after I found Bennett outside my door. I should stop by his parents’ house later. Apologize for checking out on Shane and everyone else.

I toss my bag on the bench. “Am I that predictable?”

He shrugs. “If it makes you feel any better, Keaton went to her parents’ in case Bennett was the one to bail.”

“Nope. I can’t say that helps in the least.”

He hovers, waiting for me to change. “Are we pretending it’s not your birthday?”

“Yep.”

“And that you didn’t fuck your ex last night?”

I’m tying my shoe and jerk my head up. “You want to try that again?”

---