Page 87 of Elusion

“If you want to yell at me, this is a prime location.”

“Don’t be cute,” she snaps.

“Impossible,” I say. “So, will you please tell me why you’re mad?”

“Why won’t you consider going to school out of state?”

Oh shit, fight started.

“Why should I have to?”

“Jordan, do you realize how many people would kill to have someone pay for them to go to school? Not only that, but to essentially have a guaranteed high-paying job when they finish?”

“Doyourealize how many people hate their lives because they’re miserable in their careers?”

She narrows her eyes. “Is thatyourreason?”

We’re going nowhere, answering questions with more questions, so I concede. “My mother only wants me to go out of state to separate me from you. Well, originally, Jess, but the point remains the same. If I didn’t have a girlfriend, she wouldn’t care where I went to school.”

“What if you didn’t have a girlfriend? Would you consider it then?”

I sigh, not liking the direction she’s heading. “I don’t even want to go to law school, so this entire conversation is irrelevant.”

She drops her head back, frustrated. “Fine, ignore the law school aspect. What if your parents offered to pay for grad school for whatever you wanted—music, philosophy, bull riding—the only stipulation being you pick anywhere other than Pennsylvania? What would you say?”

“Would the only reason they want me out of Pennsylvania be to put distance between us?”

“Don’t factor me into the decision.”

I massage my forehead. What-ifs almost destroyed my chances of being with her once. I’m not letting it happen again. “Callie, this is ridiculous. We’re fighting about a made-up scenario.”

“I don’t want you to base decisions on me and end up trapped with me, Jordan. Even if you decide not to go to law school, you can go anywhere. Do anything. I can’t. I’m here for the duration, and I won’t be a reason you stay.”

“What are you talking about? In a few months, you turn nineteen and then—”

“And then what? Connor and Cate magically stop needing me? My responsibilities miraculously go away?” She almost pauses long enough for me to respond. “The day after my birthday brings the same set of shitty circumstances. My reality stays unaltered. Nothing changes just because of some pointless date circled on a calendar.”

“How long will you put your life on hold then, Callie? Do you plan on driving there every weekend for the next twelve years to babysit?”

I immediately regret my choice of words. And I have reason to, judging by her reaction.

She laughs, dragging her hands down her face. “Babysit? I forge permission slips and give safe sex talks to teenagers. I call Connor in sick to school when he stays awake all night, worrying about things out of his control. I miss class to comb lice out of Cate’s hair because Lauren has bailed so that she won’t get them. I sell my stuff to buy cleats and book bags and sometimes their food.”

“But you shouldn’t be doing any of these things. You’re their sister, not their parent.”

She sighs, crossing her arms. “You don’t get it. They don’t have parents. They have Lauren living out a drunken, sorority-girl fantasy, chained down by the kids she never wanted. And Graham who, on some weekends, refuses to talk to any of us. But others, he screams at Connor for shutting his door too hard. Or at me for looking too much like Lauren.”

I move closer. “Callie—”

“No.” She steps back, maintaining the space between us. “You need to understand what happens behind the curtains. Connor hates Graham more than I do. I’m terrified of what it’s doing to him. And what will it do to Cate in a few years? I can’t let them go through what I did, let them lose themselves. I just can’t.”

She chews on her lip, staring up at the ceiling, and I stand here, feeling like a complete asshole as she blinks away tears. Not once have I seen Callie close to crying, and it makes me feel worse than I thought possible.

“This is my life,” she continues. “It will be for a long time. I can’t escape it or avoid it, and even if I could, I wouldn’t. I’m all they have, and I’ll never take that away from them.” She looks at me again. “But this isn’t your life, Jordan, and I don’t want it to be, because if you make stupid decisions for me, then one day…” The tears spill over, one after another. “One day, you’ll look at me the way Graham does, and the thought of that ever happening kills me.”

As if I could ever see her as anything other than the amazing, beautiful, world-changing girl in front of me.

When I start toward her again, she puts her hands up to stop me. “What are you doing?”

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