Page 40 of Just Business

My throat works on a swallow as I chew over her words. “When did you get so wise, Josie Thomas?”

She taps her head, grinning at me. “Not just a hat rack.”

The band starts up, and we head to where a small crowd has started dancing. Neither of us is very good at it, but that doesn’t matter. I’m just happy to be hanging out with my best friend.

The band plays one song after another, throwing in some that were recorded here. When “Old Time Rock and Roll” starts up, everyone cheers and crowds the street to dance. Austin comes up behind me, the faint scent of alcohol on his breath, and an unease settles over me, but I do what I do best. I shove it down. He grips my hip with one hand, and good grief. The man knows exactly how to move his tall, firm body. We bounce around to the beat of the song as he sings along, knowing every single word.

The band transitions from one song to another and Josie heads into the bar, leaving Austin and me to dance. He never takes his hands off my waist, gripping the fabric of my sundress so that my back is firmly against him. I can feel his heart thudding in his chest from all the dancing we've been doing.

He leans to my ear, his facial hair tickling my cheek. "Let's sit and rest."

I'm sweaty and thirsty, so I'm happy to follow him as he takes my hand and leads me inside the bar to where Josie and Liam are sitting. Josie is trying to be Liam's wing woman while he flirts with someone I don't recognize, who must be passing through town.

The woman is eyeing Austin like she’s trying to decide if he just looks like someone famous or if he is famous. My stomach twists in fear.

Austin heads to the bar to get me some water, and I lower onto the empty chair to cool off. Liam and Josie are both giving me what can only be consideredI told you sosmirks, and I'm starting to think I'll have to get used to that look on everyone's faces. Austin returns shortly, holding a glass of bourbon, and the pit in my stomach grows to a crater. It's too loud to try to hear each other speaking, so while Austin watches Liam do his very best to get the girl's number, I steal glances his way. His leg bounces and he reaches for his glass but then pulls his hand away, like an internal battle wages inside his mind.

Up until the other night, I thought the stress of being famous was what caused him to drink. Now I know better. I know as well as anybody what it looks like to keep things locked up tight, and from the looks of things, he’s locked down like Fort Knox.

About the time I start to cool off, I hear the opening chords to “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls outside at the street party. Austin stands, extending his hand to me and jerks his head to the dance floor. I’ve danced with plenty of guys throughout my life, but I have no doubt that dancing with this man will be a different experience altogether.

I allow Austin to lead me back outside to the street party, his glass of bourbon forgotten. He slides one hand around my waist and takes my hand in his other, curling his around mine. He tugs me against his chest, leaving no space between us. While we begin to sway, I take in this moment, the song, the lyrics.

This song about being broken and wanting to be known is a whispered prayer between us. We’ve learned so much about each other in a handful of days. We've shared our beautiful parts as well as some tiny broken pieces, and I think, in some small way, it’s helped me to start the journey to healing from my own brokenness.

Throughout my life, certain songs have punctuated my memories so that later when I hear it, I’m instantly thrown back to that time. This will be one of those memories. I know that, for the rest of my life, when I hear “Iris,” I’ll forever think of the night I was suspended in space and time, swaying in Austin’s strong arms.

Closing my eyes, I let the moment be what it is. Right here and now, I'm choosing not to overthink how this looks or what’s on my to-do list. It's just the two of us dancing to a song that's putting words to things we haven’t dared say aloud.

Austin lowers resting his cheek against the top of my head, and I feel the telling burn behind my eyes. Right now I want more than I’ve ever allowed myself to have. But most of all, I want this man who’ll be leaving me. I will all my thoughts and emotions to transfer to him, unable to speak them. I don’t know how to word what I want because if I’m being honest with myself, I think I want more than he might be willing to give me, and I’d never ask it of him.

The song ends, and Austin presses his lips to my forehead. I have to swallow down the lump in my throat because that simple kiss feels like this moment meant the same to him as it meant to me. Like what our words couldn’t say, we felt through the song and through the closeness of our bodies.

We stay at the street party a while longer, mingling with Josie and Liam, but my mind is foggy, yet also dialed up to hyper-alert. I’m more aware of Austin’s presence than ever. Each time I glance up, his eyes are on me, and I have to quickly avert mine. I’m intentionally avoiding eye contact because, if I’m being honest, I don’t trust myself after that dance. I’m afraid if I allow our gazes to meet for even a fraction of a second, I’ll hand every part of myself over to him, and the thought is terrifying.

As we say our goodbyes and head to our cars, I hear the distant rumble of thunder. Summer in Alabama can be unpredictable, like Mother Nature herself is too hot and needs to douse herself in the rain to cool off. From the sound of the thunder in the distance, tonight might be that kind of summer storm.

We ride in complete silence, the lightning and thunder intensifying as the storm moves closer, like the electric current arcing between us is drawing the storm in. His phone buzzes with an incoming call, and I seeMomflashing on the screen before he can silence it.

When we get to my house, he cuts the engine, and we sit, not saying a word. Finally, I’m the one who speaks.

“I better get inside before this weather gets worse,” I whisper, because anything louder than a whisper would be too much, like it might crack this moment wide open for us to examine, whatever it is.

Our eyes meet. His are swimming with barely restrained emotion. He gives one quick nod, and I jump out, fat raindrops falling from the clouds and drenching me as I run inside.

Honey is weaving between my legs, probably wanting her bowl filled, but I can’t even think straight.What the hell am I doing?Am I prepared for this?

It’s times like this that I wish Dad was here so I could lay into him for all he’s left me dealing with. In another life, where my dad is here, I wouldn’t have to second guess my feelings. Sliding down my door to the wood floor beneath me, I rest my head against the frame. The rain outside comes down even harder now, matching the swirl of emotions that are impossible to reign in.

I don’t know how long I sit like this, maybe one minute or one decade, when I hear three quick raps on my door. Standing, I open it. We eye each other, his blue eyes burning hotter than any flame. My attraction to Austin is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt, and I was foolish to ever think I could ignore it.

He’s wearing a pleading look on his face, and his clothes are soaked through, his shirt clinging to his chest from the deluge beating down on him.

“Penny,” he rasps. “Tell me to leave. Tell me to go upstairs and leave you alone cause I can’t find it in me to do that tonight.” His fists clench and unclench at his sides, making the veins on his forearms pop. His eyes bounce between mine, searching.

“Austin,” I whisper, not even sure he can hear me over the pelting rain. “I can’t tell you to leave.” A stronger woman might have told him no, but after days of wanting, my strength is gone, and all I can do is let my desire take over.

Before my words have completely landed, he’s taken two strides forward into my kitchen. Austin wraps one strong arm around me, bunching the waist of my dress in his grip as he tugs me up against his broad chest. I'm vaguely aware that the other hand goes up to tuck an errant strand of hair behind my ear right before he tangles his fingers in my damp mane of waves. When I raise my head to look up at him, his lips crash down on mine.Finally, my body seems to say on an exhale.

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