Page 74 of Just Business

Austin’s voice cracks as he continues, pain and anger lacing every word. “He knows exactly where to hit,” he says quietly. “This time, he said I wasn’t even good enough to make it on my own, that I had to go and fuck a studio owner just to further my career.” He pauses, jaw clenched. “I was holding it together until he dragged you into it. That’s when I lost it.”

So many thoughts swirl in my head, so many things I want to say, but he’s in no state to hear them tonight. It’s clear from the pain in his voice that he’s holding on by a thread. Instead, I head to the bathroom and grab a warm, wet washcloth and lie back down beside him to gently wipe his face. Austin’s body shudders, but doesn’t pull away. Noticing his shoes are still on, I carefully slip them off, making him as comfortable as I can.

He watches me while I silently strip down to my t-shirt and panties and slide under the blanket next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He relaxes and leans into me, and I rest my head against his chest. I can feel his heartbeat pounding wildly.

One heavy arm wraps around me and in a broken whisper he says, “I just want to be loved by him. What the hell is wrong with me that I still want that? Why is that too much to ask?”

His words slice through me, raw and filled with so much pain. I press closer into him as tears slide down my face, soaking into his shirt.

My own heart aches with his, and as the weight of everything catches up with me, the adrenaline fades. I’m dragged into sleep, wrapped in his grief, hoping that holding him is enough.

My mouth feels like I spent the night eating handfuls of cotton and a thumping pain pounds inside my skull. I crack one eye open, but immediately slam it shut against the bright sunlight streaming into the room, stabbing at my retina. I sift through the fog in my mind, struggling to piece together what the hell happened last night. Bit by bit, memories begin to surface. I remember Penny leaving to go to Josie’s. She was upset about the tabloid post, and I was waiting on a call back from Ty. I will my head to clear, and it all comes flooding back to me.

I was sitting at the kitchen table when my mom’s number popped up. I knew—I fucking knew. But it’s like a force beyond my control was moving my hand to answer the call. The minute I put the phone to my ear and heard the heavy breathing, I knew I was right. I should have hung up right then. I should have hung up and cut off any chance for him to get in my head, but I was paralyzed. It was exactly like every other time this had happened; I was frozen in place, thrown back to my childhood, unsure how to handle an abusive, drunk father.

“Betcha think you’re really something, dontcha.” He was obviously drunk based on the heavy slur to his words. “Saw that picture of you and your fancy new whore.”

Hearing someone call Penny a whore set my blood boiling, unlocking my words. “Shut the fuck up. Just shut up.” I spat the words out, full of anger at this pathetic excuse for a man who had no business even letting her name come out of his disgusting mouth.

“You told her yet that she better run?” He paused, a rattling cough seizing him from a lifetime of smoking. “She better run as fast as she can, cause you know what? You’re a James. And that pretty little redhead needs to steer clear. We’re no good, you and me. Like I always say, don’t go getting in that stupid head of yours that just cause you got a pretty face and some change in your pocket you’ll end up any better than me.”

I knew I should have hung up, should have blocked the number, should have done anything other than sit there and listen to the poison spewing from his end of the call. But I felt like I was rooted to the spot, my hands refusing to cooperate.

“Ain’t got nothing to say, huh?” I hear the sneer in his voice. “Guess you know it's true. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya when you screw her life up, too.” And then the line went dead.

At least ten minutes passed, his words seeping deeper and deeper into my bones the longer I sat there. Before I could talk myself out of it, my truck keys were in my hands and I was heading back to that liquor store to grab the first thing I saw.

The bottle was already to my lips before I even made it back to Penny’s. With an empty stomach I guess it hit harder and faster, because the rest of the night is foggy, only snatches of memories rising to the surface. I started out on the porch, and at some point I must have gone up to the apartment instead of inside the house. I remember at one point feeling so angry at myself that I threw the empty bottle down to her driveway. And it's just black emptiness from there.

I feel movement in the bed beside me and I crack open an eye to see Penny beside me, sleeping peacefully. I can’t even imagine what she must have thought coming home to find me here like that. A fresh wave of self-loathing washes over me and I close my eyes. Apparently my stomach has other ideas, though, because my guts twist and I barely make it to the bathroom in time.

I heave for at least a full minute before I trust my stomach to stay calm. Since I don’t live up here anymore, I don't have a toothbrush so I rinse my mouth out with water and then swish three separate times with Cassie’s mouthwash. Only after I’ve splashed my face with cold water do I dare to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot, but other than that, the same face is staring back at me. Unfortunately, this face still looks like the spitting image of the man who torments me.

“Austin?” I jump, not expecting to hear Penny behind me. She comes up, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her head on my back. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

I sigh and spin to face her. She wraps her arms around me again and I tuck her head under my chin. A thick silence passes between us and I finally speak into her hair. "Same ol’ bullshit. He saw our picture. Used it as a way to get under my skin. Like I said, same bullshit, different day.”

Penny steps back, looking at me with narrowed eyes. "How long do you plan on letting this go on?"

I stalk to the bedroom without answering her, and she follows me.

"I'm serious! How long? Will you live the rest of your life being harassed by him?"

I whirl around to face her. “What am I supposed to do?” I roar.

She flinches, and a stab of guilt hits me instantly. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry…but please tell me, what am I supposed to do?”

Penny puts a hand on her hip and gives me a pointed stare. "Change your number, for one! It's not hard to do. Let the people who need your number know the new one and that's all."

"What if she needs me?” My voice cracks. “He’ll hurt her again. It’s only a matter of time before he kills her. What then?" I move to the foot of the bed and sit, dropping my head in my hands. The mattress dips beside me and I feel Penny's hand on my back.

“You can’t carry that responsibility. You know that, right? At some point, you have to choose yourself.”

I raise my head just enough for our eyes to meet. Penny’s swim with unshed tears she furiously attempts to blink back, but behind those tears her eyes are blazing.

“Austin, I’m going to say something, and I’ll only say it once.” Her voice doesn’t waver, full of fire. “I do not plan on sharing you with your demons. I’ve already lost one person to this and I’ll be damned if I lose another. You can beat it—I know you can.”

---