Page 42 of The Boss

Except I couldn’t lose myself in it as I had so many times before.

It was that damn sock. I told myself not to carry it around like some kid with a stuffed animal, but every time I put it down, I found myself picking it back up, remembering what I’d used its twin for last night.

What had I been thinking? Going to Ashlee’s place and having sex with her hadn’t been part of my plan for yesterday. Tying her up with those ridiculous socks of hers. Taking her so hard that my own muscles were feeling it today.

When I’d left her yesterday, I’d tried telling myself that the oval bruises on her hips couldn’t be from the first time we’d been together, but I’d known them for what they were. I’d held her too tight, too close. And then I’d done it again. Been too rough and taken things too far.

Except…she hadn’t asked me to stop, either specifically or with her safe word. I’d been with plenty of women over the years, and I liked to think that I knew when they enjoyed themselves. Unless I was losing my touch, Ashlee had liked what we’d done, rough as it was.

And I couldn’t quit wishing for more.

I’d read the same page three times before I set the book aside. It was a little after noon right now, which meant it was far too early for me to go back to Ashlee’s or to ask her to come to me.Tellher to come to me. Not ask. Neverask.

My phone rang, and I reached for it, needing a distraction – any distraction, even if it was a telemarketer. But it wasn’t one. It was my mother.

Shit.

Today was their anniversary, and I’d forgotten. Well, sort of. I’d arranged for a gift to be sent yesterday. A nice gift with a sentimental card that my mom would appreciate.

“Hey, Mom.” My hand curled into a fist around Ashlee’s sock as if it was some talisman. “Happy anniversary.”

“Thank you, Nate. And your gift was lovely. I know that took some doing to get those tickets.”

I shrugged, then remembered that Mom couldn’t see me. “It’s your fortieth anniversary…” Fuck. I gave a weak laugh. “Sorry, thirty-ninth. Didn’t mean to make you a year older. Or me a year older.”

I tried to pass it off as a joke, but we both knew it wasn’t that funny. I’d honestly forgotten how long they’d been married. I was now glad that I hadn’t gotten a card with any of those specifics on it.

“Your dad says thank you too,” she said. “He’s at the store right now, or he’d tell you himself.”

“Of course.” And I didn’t doubt Dad had specifically planned to be there when Mom made the call. Herman Lexington’s hardware store was his life, and my older brother David was his legacy. Joshua was the baby, and I was the disappointment.

“Are you coming to the party today?”

I was tempted to tell her that I didn’t know there was a party, but that would mean she’d get upset with David and David’s wife, Julia, who most likely had been doing the planning. I couldn’t do that to Julia or to my mom. David and my dad could go to hell for all I cared.

“Sorry, Mom, I’ve got work to do.”

A few moments of silence between us made me close my eyes and hope she believed the lie.

“I understand. Being a CEO takes a lot of time and attention.”

Another silence and I waited.

“Have you talked to Joshua recently?”

There it was. Mom’s true purpose for calling. The question she always asked in some form or another. Usually, she wasn’t this blunt about it, but it still always happened.

“I haven’t.”

I didn’t need her to tell me what she was thinking right now because we’d been here before. Mom wanted all of us together and getting along, but that hadn’t been our family in a long time. Maybe since I was a kid. Even then, I wondered. At what age had David become Dad’s favorite? When had Joshua and I reached the point where we wouldn’t talk things through, wouldn’t trust each other?

“Did I remember the restaurant correctly?” I asked, more to fill the space rather than actually wondering. I knew I’d gotten it right.

“You did.” Her voice was warm, but I could picture the expression on her face. I’d seen it plenty growing up. She loved me…but she was disappointed in me.

Nothing new.

“Well, let me know how the shows are,” I said, faking a smile even though she couldn’t see me.

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