Page 18 of The Master

We talked about it the entire way back to the house and while we waited for our steaks to grill. Dinner was simple, but that made it feel even more special to me. Ashlee wasn’t insisting on five-star restaurants and elaborately prepared meals. No outrageously expensive wine or preening under the jealous glares of other restaurant patrons.

Grilled steak and vegetables, good beer, and the enjoyment of eating on the back patio and watching the sunset.

I’d never experienced the peace and contentment I felt while sitting next to Ashlee. Was this what it could be like all the time? I wasn’t naïve enough to think that we’d never have another disagreement or that neither of us –most likely me – would ever do something stupid, but even the best times I’d spent with other women had been nothing compared to today.

“It’s absolutely beautiful out here.” Ashlee broke the silence. “I love New York, I really do, but there’s something to be said for being somewhere you can actually watch the sun go down and twilight set in without all of the lights and buildings and noises of the city.”

I reached over and took her hand, her fingers fitting between mine as if they’d been made to come together like that. I used to scoff at people who made those sorts of comments, as if there was anything more to it than bodies created to fit together for procreation and pleasure. Being with Ashlee had changed so much of how I saw the world, and I didn’t know how to express it to her. Or if I could. The idea terrified me, but the thought of her walking away because she thought I was indifferent was far worse.

There was one thing I could say now that would give her at least an idea of what she meant to me.

“Have you ever wondered why I call youle soleil?”

“I always mean to look it up, but we’re usually in the middle of something that distracts me until the next time.”

I laughed, my thumb moving back and forth across the soft skin of her hand. “If you had, you would’ve found out that it’s French and meansthe sun.” I raised our hands and kissed hers.

Her entire face seemed to soften. “That’s sweet.”

I could have let it go with that, but I wanted her to know the whole story. “My grandfather on my mother’s side was a Scotsman named Ian Wallace. When he was in his early twenties, he went backpacking through Portugal, Spain, and France. While in France, he met a woman named Delphine, and the two of them fell in love. He called herle soleilbecause he needed her like he needed the sun. They married after only a few months, and two years later, my mom was born. Grandmom died giving birth to my mom.”

“Oh, Nate.” Ashlee’s hand tightened around mine.

“As far as I know, Granddad never even dated another woman. He raised Mom by himself and made sure she knew all about her mother. He told all of us kids too. He loved all of us, but he and I were especially close.” I swallowed hard. This next part wasn’t easy for me to say. “He had a heart attack when I was fourteen and was gone before the ambulance got to the hospital. I didn’t get the chance to tell him goodbye.”

Ashlee stood and came over to my chair, letting me pull her onto my lap without a word. She leaned against my chest, wrapping her arms around my neck as I embraced her. Minutes passed before I spoke again, admitting something that I’d never allowed myself to acknowledge.

“I’d always been pretty independent, but after he died, I pulled away from everyone. I’d grown up seeing how much he missed Grandmom, how she’d been the center of his life, and how her death had devastated him. He was a great man and never blamed or resented Mom for Grandmom’s death like some men might have, but that pain had always been there. When he died, it was like I caught a glimpse of what it meant to lose someone who meant so much to me, and I never wanted to experience that again.”

I slid my hand along Ashlee’s side, fingers slipping under her shirt to touch bare skin. There wasn’t anything sexual about it. I just needed the comfort it brought. Talking about Granddad was harder than I’d thought it would be.

“I’ve never called anyonele soleilbefore. I honestly didn’t even realize that I’d called you it at first. After that, it’d just seemed…right. I’d never understood it until then.” I kissed the top of her head. “I wish he could’ve met you. He would’ve liked you.”

“I know I would’ve liked him too.” Her hand dropped to my chest, fingers curling in my shirt. “And I know he would be proud of you.”

I wasn’t so sure of that, but I believed he’d be proud of the man I was trying to be. Right then and there, I made a promise to myself that I would do everything I could to become the man he’d always wanted me to be.

Twelve

Ashlee

The sun.He called methe sun. Because it was what his grandfather had called his grandmother. He’d admired and loved them both, individually and as a couple. It was the highest compliment I could’ve been given, and I had absolutely no idea how to react to it.

Well, on the outside. On the inside, I was thrilled. It was proof that he was feeling things as deeply as I was. But I wasn’t sure he was willing to admit it yet. Not in so many words anyway. I didn’t need it spelled out for me. The fact that he’d chosen to share something so private and special was enough.

“You don’t think it’s weird?” he asked as we made our way back toward his car. “That it’s my Grandmom’s nickname?”

“Not at all.” I stretched up to kiss his cheek. “I think it’s sweet.”

He gave me one of those rare, full-fledged smiles that made his entire face light up. My stomach fluttered, and I leaned against him. The more I got to know him,reallyknow him, the more I saw what a great man he really was. The face he presented to the world wasn’t the real Nathanial Lexington.Thiswas.

“If I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer? Not what you think I want to hear, but what you actually think.” His voice was serious, but not somber.

“I will,” I agreed with equal seriousness.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” He stopped, tucking some loose hair behind my ear. “Here, this weekend, with me?”

I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. “Very much.”

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