Page 42 of The Master

I kissed her calf, then her thigh, and hooked my fingers under the sides of her panties. I lowered them, kissing down her other leg as I went. I pressed my mouth just below her belly button, my teasing tongue earning a gasp, and then I stood. Her bra joined the rest of her clothes, and I allowed myself a few seconds to appreciate the beauty in front of me.

“Your turn,” she said, reaching for my shirt.

I let her undress me at the same excruciating pace, suffered her feather-light touches and tender kisses. When, after removing my underwear, she kissed the tip of my cock, I thought I would explode right then and there. I clenched my fists and refused to let my control slip. If she wanted to explore my body, if that made her forget, then I would bear the exquisite pleasure-pain torture for as long as she wanted to inflict it.

“I-I want–” she stopped as she stood, eyes downcast. “Never mind.”

“No.” I tipped her chin up. “Look at me,le soleil. Tell me what you want. Always tell me what you want.”

“I want you like this.” She wrapped her hand around my cock, stroked it. “Skin to skin. Nothing between us.”

My heart did a strange skip. It was one thing to get lost in pleasure and forget. We’d had a brief talk about it after it’d happened and agreed that we still wanted to be careful. The fact that she trusted me enough to ask for it meant more than I’d realized it would.

I cupped her face between my hands. “It would be my honor.”

When I kissed her, I savored her. The taste of our abandoned dinner. The softness of her lips leisurely moving with mine. A tentative touch of tongue and then an exploration. I let her take what she wanted, what she needed, and gave her back everything I had.

One moment we were standing, and the next we were on the bed, limbs entangled, hands caressing. Without my usual sense of urgency, I found satisfaction in the simple joy of being near her, being with her in my bed. I’d always made my subs’ pleasure important, but it had still always been, for me, a testament to my skills as a lover. The longer I was with Ashlee, however, the more I realized that I’d completely misunderstood what it meant to have true intimacy with another person.

I moved over her, propping myself up on my hands as she wrapped her legs around me, heels on the backs of my thighs. I kept my eyes locked with hers as I slid inside her, one continuous motion until we were completely joined, the closest two people could be. We stayed like that, motionless, existing together. I drowned in her eyes, lost myself. Found myself. With her. In her.

Only when she rocked her hips did I move, but even then, I took it slow. Each stroke went deep, every inch of her against every inch of me. She gasped and moaned, my name mingled with other sounds of pleasure, no coherent thought expressed. I breathed it in, let it fill me. Every cell in my body felt alive in ways they hadn’t before.

She was responsible for all this. For all the ways I’d woken up and changed, all the ways I’d stayed the same but with a new acceptance of who I was. The enormity of what she meant to me, what my life would be without her, brought darkness that threatened to overwhelm me.

“Shh.” She put her hand on my cheek, the tender touch chasing the shadows away. “Be with me. Here. Now. Just be with me.”

I nodded, leaning down to cover her mouth with mine as I took her higher, faster, spiraling us both to the peak before we fell over the edge together.

Twenty-Eight

Ashlee

I wasn’t surprisedthat I woke up several times during the night, but the fact that I’d gotten back to sleep was unusual. Each time, Nate was there, holding me, even when he was still sleeping. The reminder that I wasn’t alone, that I didn’t need to go through this alone, was new.

We didn’t set an alarm but still woke around the time we usually did for work. Our plan to go to Mom’s after lunch helped us focus on work better than we had yesterday, so when it came time for us to leave, we’d actually accomplished quite a bit.

Nate was quieter than usual, but I understood the silence. He wanted to be there for me, take care of me, but he didn’t know what to say or do, especially since neither of us knew the reason for my mom’s invitation. He didn’t ask what I wanted him to do or say, understanding without me needing to say that I had no idea what I wanted from him either. As we drove to Staten Island, my hand in his was enough.

Mom opened the door before we could knock, and the knot of anxiety and dread in my stomach grew. Nate squeezed my hand as he greeted my mom, and he didn’t let go when I moved inside.

“Have you eaten lunch?” Mom shut the door behind Nate.

“We have, thank you,” Nate said politely.

He didn’t add that I’d barely picked at my food.

“Can I get either of you anything to drink?”

She wouldn’t look at me, her gaze landing somewhere over my shoulder, on Nate’s and my hands, anywhere but on my face. Annoyance joined the other negative emotions twisting up my insides. I’d been patiently waiting since her mysterious call yesterday even though a part of me had wanted to drive straight over here. Now that we were here exactly when she’d told us to come, she was still putting off talking to me.

“No, we don’t want anything to drink,” I said sharply. Finally, her eyes cut to me, her blue-green eyes guarded. “I’ve been worried sick about you since yesterday. I want to know what’s going on.”

If Nate thought my tone was out of line, he didn’t say it, which I appreciated. I’d given him my thoughts on his relationship with his family. It would’ve been only fair for him to do the same with me.

Mom sighed. “All right. Let’s sit down.”

Nate and I took the couch, my grip on his hand tightening. I leaned against him, our legs pressed together, the heat from his body a welcomed reminder that he was here with me and for me. Whatever Mom had to say, it wouldn’t be like before, when I’d been the only person to hear.

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