Page 58 of The Master

Owen still didn’t look happy, but I could tell he was weighing his options. With the media out front, staying in the car would most likely result in reporters knocking on windows and maybe even swarming the car. If he came inside, Mom and I would both feel awkward talking about private things with him there.

“All right,” he said reluctantly. “Give me your phone so I can put my number in it. I want you to call me directly if you want to leave.”

I did as he asked, and then headed for my mom’s house. I felt Owen’s eyes on me as I went and knew that he wasn’t going to leave until I was inside. Sneaking into the house made me feel like an idiot, but the alternative was far less appealing. I startled Mom when I knocked on the back door, but she didn’t ask why I hadn’t come to the front.

“I’m so sorry you’re caught up in all this,” I said, hugging her.

The disagreement we’d had yesterday seemed like a lifetime ago, and being in her embrace took me back to my childhood, when her arms could protect me from anything, real or imagined.

“This isn’t your fault,” she said. “Sit. Let me get you something to drink, and then we can talk.”

I sat but didn’t wait to talk. Her life was as much on display as mine was. “I never thought anyone would read my journals, and not just because I had them in a box in my closet. Who would want to read about my life?”

“It’s not your fault,” she repeated as she came back to the table with two glasses of lemonade. “Let’s get that out of the way first. You are not to blame foranyof this.”

I nodded. It was one thing to know it logically and another to actually feel it. I understood now why Nate had kept blaming himself even after I’d told him that he wasn’t responsible for what was happening. I supposed the two of us would be spending a lot of time reassuring each other that we hadn’t caused damage to the people we cared about the most.

Right now, however, I did have something I needed to apologize for. “I’m sorry for how I reacted yesterday. I should have handled things better.”

“I’m sorry too,” Mom said. “I was so caught up in my own issues with Mona that I didn’t even consider that you wouldn’t feel the same way.”

“She left us both,” I reminded Mom gently. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I worried that she was wearing blinders. Even if Mona was actually dying, she shouldn’t get a free pass, not if she truly wanted to make amends.

“She did,” Mom agreed. “But what I should have realized yesterday is that there’s a difference between an adult losing a lover and a child losing a parent.” She reached across the table and put her hand over mine. “I’m not saying that to belittle what you’re feeling. Just saying that I shouldn’t have expected you to feel the same way I did, partly because our experiences were different. And even if they had been the same, we’re not the same person, and it was wrong of me to project that on to you.”

Dammit. My eyes welled up. “Me too. I mean, I shouldn’t have put my own thoughts and emotions on you.”

She squeezed my hand. “I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad. And it’s on me more than you. What you said yesterday was right. I should have looked at things from the perspective of a mother whose child was hurt, and I didn’t. When Mona first left, I was furious with her because of how she’d treated you. I should still be angry with her on your behalf.”

“No, Mom.” I offered her a watery smile. “I’m an adult now. I shouldn’t have expected you to put what I was feeling above what you needed.”

“You’re always my daughter, no matter how old you get.”

We both stood and moved toward each other, arms outstretched. The embrace was a long one, and exactly what we both needed for so many reasons. I knew Nate and Finley were standing with me, but if anything had alienated me from my mom, I’d have been lost. I loved Nate, but I needed my mom.

“Let’s not do that again,” I said as I returned to my seat, feeling a hundred times lighter.

“I agree,” Mom said with a smile. “I like it better when we’re on the same side.”

I took a long drink before I brought up the whole reason we’d been fighting in the first place. “Do you still think I should meet with Mona?”

“I do. I think it’d be good for you to get out all the things you never had a chance to say before.” She paused, then continued, “but I won’t push the issue. I’ll accept and respect whatever decision you make.”

Even though I was about to agree to do what she wanted me to do, I appreciated that she was going to let it be my choice.

“You’re right.”

Her eyebrows went up. “I am?”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t look so surprised. I reacted emotionally before, but when I calmed down and thought about it, I realized that it’d do me a lot of good to get everything out in the open. I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive her, but I’ll see her.”

The relief on Mom’s face told me just how much she’d been worried about me. “She’s planning to come here for dinner in a few hours. I’d intended to tell her that you didn’t want to see her, but I can tell her otherwise if you want…or you can stay for dinner.”

Mom and I had always had a ‘rip the band-aid off’ sort of mentality when it came to unpleasant things. While my head knew that seeing Mona was the best thing for me, the rest of me wasn’t looking forward to it. Which meant if I didn’t rip off that particular band-aid fast enough, I’d get cold feet and back out.

“What are we having?”

She smiled. “Roast chicken and vegetables. I was hoping you’d join us.”

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