Page 58 of Dangers of Love

“You might not think so when you see some of them,” he warned. “I’m not the most artistic person in the world.”

Someone else might’ve thought he was being flippant and didn’t care about the items in that box, but despite the short time we’d been together, I’d learned to read him better than that. He was trying to distance himself from something he was emotionally connected to because he was unsure as to what my response would be.

I hated that he thought I might be anything other than supportive, but I was starting to understand that he still saw himself as the screw-up bad boy he’d been as a teenager. A boy who knew his family would love him no matter what, but still didn’t believe that they liked him or were proud of him. And certainly a boy who could never be loved by anyone else.

I put my hand on his arm, surprised at the strength of the emotions that went through me, both at my realization and the physical contact. “Would you love our child any less if their first picture of you was a stickman with purple hair?”

He looked startled by the question and then laughed. “No, of course not.”

“What you have in there is no less precious because it might not be ‘perfect.’” I put the word in air quotes to ensure that he didn’t miss it. “They’re a part of you and your family that our child – ourfamily– will use to build our own foundation, our own traditions. It’s a beautiful beginning to what will be a great life together.”

Every word I said solidified in my mind that accepting the proposal had been the right thing to do. And my little speech accomplished something else too. It revealed to me the not-so-secret truth that I’d been dancing around for a while.

I might not have been ready to sayI love youto him, but I had fallen in love. I didn’t know when it’d happened, but it was there, big and bold. Something too large to be ignored, even if I’d wanted to.

That awareness clung to me as we went through his box of ornaments, and he shared stories about them, talking more than I’d heard him speak in one stretch at any other point in time. I didn’t interrupt, though. I was usually the one with all the words, but I didn’t mind being the listener today. I was eager to learn all I could about him.

Despite how uncomfortable I’d been a few times during the video call and the anxiety that had come before it, today had quickly become one of my favorite days. We ate the amazing cookies he’d brought home and laughed when the tree nearly fell because we’d put too many heavy ornaments on one side. Then we’d turned off all the lights except the ones on the tree and settled on the couch to watchWhite Christmas.

As the opening scene began, Eoin put his arm around my shoulders, and I leaned against him, loving the way we fit together so perfectly. I hadn’t really thought about the way we must’ve looked together, him being so tall while I was barely average height. The sheer power in his body while I looked delicate enough for a strong breeze to knock me down.

Physicality wasn’t the only difference between us either. We’d both come from hard-working, wealthy families, but that was where those similarities ended. He had a massive blended family, while mine was limited to my parents and sister. He’d gone into the army straight out of high school while I’d graduated young and entered college the following autumn.

We didn’t make sense.

But I didn’t care, and I hoped he didn’t either. If the ring on my finger was any indication, he and I were on the same page, but a small part of me still wondered if our engagement had more to do with the baby than it did him actually wanting to marry me.

We had time, though. Just because we were expecting, engaged, and living together after knowing each other only for a little over a month didn’t mean our wedding needed to come as quickly as the rest had.

I pushed all those thoughts away. I wanted to enjoy our Christmas, and while part of that included the strange circumstances surrounding my relationship with Eoin, I didn’t want every waking moment consumed by that particular situation. I wanted at least something that felt like it could be just a normal Christmas Eve with a guy I was dating.

Not that I had any clue what that would feel like.

Still, I focused my attention back on the film, determined to enjoy the simple act of watching a Christmas classic with my boyfriend. Fiancé.

Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye had just revealed their big surprise to their former commanding officer when Eoin’s fingers began to lightly stroke my upper arm. It was an absent sort of touch, the kind that isn’t really intended to seduce or arouse, but nonetheless, it left tendrils of heat on my skin, twisting coils of warmth low in my belly.

Desire gripped me with an intensity that startled me, though it shouldn’t have. Nothing with Eoin had been expected, so there’d been no reason to assume that anything else would be. I might not have been at a place where I could admit to the seriousness of my feelings, but there was something I could do to show him how much I needed him.

Ignoring the final number playing out on the massive screen, I moved to straddle Eoin’s lap. Surprise registered on his face, visible even in the dim light cast by the tree and the TV, but his hands automatically went to my hips, steadying me.

Before he could ask what I was doing, I covered his mouth with mine, pouring everything into the kiss. All the anxiety, the longing, the confusion, the gratitude. All the things that had been in my life from the moment we’d first met, the ways he made me feel. Because if all I’d had with him had been simple and good, it wouldn’t have been real. Maybe some people could have an uncomplicated relationship, but I wasn’t an uncomplicated person, and I didn’t think he was either. Those complexities were what made us who we were, and they were what would make this work…or would break us.

I wasn’t going to let myself go down that particular path, though. So even with the things that weren’t exactly positive, I channeled them into the optimistic future I saw for us and our child. A future whereI love youwould be frequent and direct. One where it was spoken in words and not only in actions.

And even though words had always been essential for me, for right now, action would do.

I pulled at his shirt, craving the feel of his skin against mine, and he seemed to feel the same way as his hands slid up my torso, over my ribcage, taking my shirt with them. I made an annoyed noise as we separated long enough to get our shirts off, and the sound must have amused him because he was grinning at me before I started kissing him again. The fact that I could make such a serious man who’d had such a hard year happy enough to smile like that meant more to me than I’d realized it would.

His skin was hot under my palms, muscles tense, and I couldn’t stop touching him. His hands were all over me, one fondling my breast over my bra, the other dropping to my butt to give it a squeeze. Fingers crept under the waistband of my jeans, pulling me closer, holding me in place to grind our bodies together. I was more than happy to assist him, the friction through our layers of clothes sending little jolts of pleasure through me. The feel of him hardening under me was as much a mental aphrodisiac as any of the physical contact.

“Damn.” He groaned as his lips moved to my jaw. “Sweetheart. You’re killing me here.”

I dug my nails into his shoulders, the feel of his teeth nipping at my skin sending a shiver through me. “The feeling’s…” I gasped “…mutual.”

His mouth moved down my throat, sucking on my skin in such a way that I knew I should probably be concerned about him leaving marks, but all I could really think about was how good it felt to be with him, to lose myself in the sensations, in him.

“Need you so much.” He pushed up my bra, fingers rolling my nipple, plucking it.

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