Page 67 of Dangers of Love

On the last page was a picture of me with both of my parents and a memory from Da that I’d never heard before.

I don’t share this with many people, but my late wife, she had a touch of the sight. The night before Eoin was born, Shannon had a dream that he would be a great man. A brave man who would sacrifice everything for the people he loved, but also a man who would take every loss to heart. A man who would fight and love with everything that was in him. I never told him any of this, didn’t want to put any pressure on him, and maybe that had been the wrong thing to do, but without even knowing, he’s become the man his mother always knew he would be. A man we are both proud to call our son.

Shit.

I rubbed my cheeks, hardly aware that I’d been crying. I would’ve had to be a cold-hearted bastard to not shed tears over that. I wasn’t mad at Da for not telling me this years ago…I wouldn’t have gotten it before. Now, for the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to hear the right thing at the right time to get the needed revelation in time to fix a mistake before it became the worst moment of my life.

I’d done it again. Now, however, I needed to not only apologize to Aline but actually talk to her about the why behind my behavior. I’d admitted it to myself but hadn’t wanted to say it to anyone else. Hadn’t wanted to admit that I was fucking terrified, and my way of dealing with it was to overreact. That I felt like I had to carry all of that weight on just my shoulders instead of asking for help.

Instead of treating her like the equal partner she was supposed to be.

I just hoped she’d actually answer my call.

Thirty-Seven

Aline

While I might’ve thoughtsnow at Christmas would be nice every once in a while, right now, I was glad for the warmer December weather that L.A. offered because it meant I could walk wherever I was going. I didn’t have a specific place in mind. I just needed to be away from Eoin.

And I needed to talk to someone.

Tears burned my eyes.

No, not someone. I needed my sister.

I knew she’d probably say, “I told you so,” but I also knew that she’d come. It wouldn’t matter where she was or what she was doing. If I needed her, she’d drop everything to help me.

When I looked up and saw a café, I decided that was where I would wait. I got myself a decaf latte and then texted Freedom, praying that she hadn’t gone back to Stanford yet. She answered a moment later, saying she’d be here in fifteen minutes. I closed my eyes and let myself feel the relief that I wouldn’t be alone much longer.

I sipped at my drink, more to look like I was doing something than any real desire for it. Not that it wasn’t delicious, because it was. I just didn’t want anyone coming over to talk to me. Maybe, if I stared at the dark liquid long enough, I could turn my brain off. Hypnotize myself or something.

“Aline?”

I raised my head to see Freedom standing on the other side of the table, concern clear and sharp on her face.

“What’s wrong?” She sat down and reached out her hand to take mine.

I pressed my lips together and shook my head. I’d wanted her here to talk to her, but now that she was right in front of me, the words seemed to stick in my throat.

“Dammit, Aline. What happened?” She squeezed my hand. “Did you…did you lose the baby?”

The question startled my tongue loose. “What? No. No, that’s…no, I’m fine. The baby’s fine.” At least I hoped it was. I didn’t feel like anything physical was wrong.

“Did something happen with Eoin?”

After the question, I waited for her to tell me how she’d been right all along, that I’d been irresponsible and lacked good judgment. That I couldn’t handle the real world.

But she didn’t say anything like that. Instead, she just repeated the question, and the floodgates opened, words pouring out before I really thought about any of them.

“Everything’s just happening so fast, and I thought I could handle it, but now, I’m thinking that I can’t because absolutely no one in my life thinks I know what I’m doing or can take care of myself. I mean, I understand why it’s hard for you and Mom and Dad to see that I’m grown up since it’s not like I had a normal childhood and adolescence so you had to take care of me during times when most people would’ve been on their own, but I really thought Eoin saw me the way I saw myself. Capable and smart and independent and…” I shook my head and pulled back my hand to twist my fingers together. “But he doesn’t.”

“That’s not how it sounded last week.”

I shook my head again. “I told him that I wanted to look into doing some substitute work at some low-income schools, and he just started arguing with me, saying that I’d be putting myself and the baby at risk, just like I’d put myself in danger by going to Iran. I told him that he wasn’t my parent, and he said that if he had been, he wouldn’t have let me go at all.”

Freedom winced. “Let you?”

I nodded.

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