Page 7 of Dangers of Love

Maybe it was because I was tired, and I’d been so worried about Nana Naz that I was just now coming down from the adrenaline. Maybe it was because it was Israel and not my parents. Whatever the reason, I replied with the actual reason that’d been in the back of my mind since March.

“Because it’s not right. Me getting to be happy, dating, all the stuff that Leo should be here doing.”

Israel stared at me for several long seconds before smacking the back of my head. “You’re just really working at being an idiot, aren’t you?”

I didn’t know why his response surprised me, only that it did. How could Israel be okay with me getting to do all these things that Leo would never do?

“Nana Naz and I want you to live life.” Israel’s voice grew thick. “Are we sad that Leo didn’t get the chance to fall in love, get married, have kids? Yes. But that doesn’t mean we think no one else should get to be happy. Especially you. And that’s what Leo wanted too.”

Before I could argue with him, he pulled his phone from his pocket.

“Let me show you something.” He pulled up what looked like a video. “I got it a couple days after.”

I didn’t need him to say after what. There was abeforeandafterfor me too, and it was the same point in time.

Even though I guessed who was on the video, it was still a jolt to see Leo’s face on that screen. I braced myself for what hearing his voice would do, and then I pressed play.

“Hey, Dad.”

Fuck, that hurt.

“I was really hoping you’d never have to see this, but I had to plan for the worst. I make one of these before every tour. Eoin and I have an agreement about what happens if one of us makes it home and the other doesn’t, but with us being together out there, there’s a chance both of us could…you know. So, I needed to have a back-up, and this is it.”

A lump formed in my throat as Leo talked about how much he loved his dad and grandmother, and I wondered why Israel had said I needed to see it, how this was supposed to make me feel better. But I wasn’t going to stop watching it. A part of me thought I deserved all the pain it caused.

“The other reason I made this video is because there are some things that, if Eoin made it back and I didn’t, he needs to know.”

Fuck.

“Guess that means it’s time to talk to you now, brother.”

I wanted to close my eyes. Turn off the video. Not hear that familiar voice. But I refused to take the coward’s way out. I watched, and I listened.

“Eoin, I know you’re taking care of Dad and Nana Naz, just like I’d take care of your parents if your Brady Bunch siblings couldn’t hack it. I don’t need to remind you of our promises to each other. What I do need to tell you is this…live. I’m asking Dad and Nana Naz to look after you too because I know you. You’re going to blame yourself, no matter what the circumstances, and you’re going to convince yourself that you shouldn’t ever have fun again. You’ll fight happiness tooth and nail.”

Dammit. He did know me. The hand not holding the phone flexed, curled into a fist.

“You wouldn’t want me moping and brooding, sitting on my ass – sorry, Nana Naz – if our positions were reversed. Enjoy Evanne and the mass quantities of other siblings when the rest of the Grace bunch start popping them out. Find a woman who’ll take pity on your sorry a-butt and have a couple kids of your own. Name them after me. All of them. Girls and boys. Foreman did, right?”

Israel laughed quietly.

“I mean it, Eoin. You give my dad a daughter-in-law and some grandkids for me. When you finally get out of the army, use that brain and talent of yours to make a difference in this world. You’re destined for great things, brother. Don’t forget it.”

Leo ended the video by repeating that he loved all of us, and then that was it. It ended with him smiling that same smile he got from Israel. It hurt, seeing him, but I couldn’t look away.

I was still staring at the screen when someone came into the room.

“Excuse me.”

I looked up to see a nurse standing on the other side of the bed. She wore an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, but it’s past visiting hours.” She glanced at Israel. “We can only let immediate family stay overnight.”

“He is family,” Israel said. “He’s my son.”

My chest tightened with more emotion than I knew how to handle.

“Of course.” She turned to me. “Stay as long as you want.”

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