Page 23 of The Catalyst

“Shut up!”

I laugh before taking a spoonful of ice cream for myself.

“What about you? Are you happy with Nigel?”

I freeze at her question. “I’m not with Nigel, okay? I've told you that a million times.”

She gives me a disbelieving look before shaking her head. “Does he know that?”

Damn her. “He won’t listen. At least Oliver doesn't stalk me and keeps his distance.” That is one reprieve the town psychopath has granted me. I steal another bite and force my gaze on the TV, watching a movie I’ve seen a hundred times. "I hate him.” I hand the pint over to her before grabbing the bag of popcorn.

"Oliver or Nigel?" she asks.

I shove some popcorn in my mouth before saying, "Both, but I was referring to Nigel."

Oliver is an asshole and forced me to confront a part of myself I wasn't ready to meet. Plus, he won't stop giving me those weird looks. Nigel is just a possessive pest with golden retriever energy and a dark side.

“Sure, but do you like him, too?” I scowl at her before throwing a handful of popcorn at her, and she shrieks as it hits the side of her face. “Come on. Be honest. You like him.”

I stick my tongue out at her, but honestly… “Fine.” I groan as I lean my head back against her headboard. “I like him, and I hate it.” I could really use a drink for this conversation.

“Why do you hate it, though? He looks at you with the stars in his eyes. Isn’t that enough?”

I set down the bag of popcorn and stare at the bare wall. I already told Nigel when I had no other choice, especially with him being an over-the-top jealous and possessive jerk. Maybe it would be easier to tell Judy.

“The last guy I dated died in my arms,” I admit, and within a few seconds, she shuts off the movie.

“What?” she gasps as she turns to me.

I nod, not sure what else to add to it. What could possibly be said after that? I’ve been through multiple tragedies, and for the longest time, nothing made sense. Hell, nothing makes sense now. Shawn was the only thing that did after my dad died. Now, I’m just drifting down an endless river without anyone to pull me back.

“Oh, my god. No wonder you’ve been fighting the whole Nigel thing. Are you okay?” she asks as she pulls me into her arms, offering me a hug that doesn’t comfort me. It feels weird. No one has offered me a hug or any consolation about Shawn’s death. It’s just…strange.

“I’m fine. I just…” I pull away and take a ragged breath. “I can’t let him in or trust it,” I explain. “Every guy that has ever mattered to me has died suddenly. Maybe I’ll never be okay with taking that kind of step. Right now, I’m okay with a just sex arrangement with Nigel, but I don’t think that’s something sustainable long-term. That’s what he wants—something that will last. I can’t do that.”

“Maybe eventually?—”

“No, not eventually, Judy. I can’t risk going through that again,” I retort sharply.

Her hazel eyes glow with determination. “No, you listen to me, Beth. You’re a strong woman who has been through a lot of pain, but you know what?Lifeis pain. If you stop feeling pain, you die. Nigel cares about you, and if you really want to live your life like a single cat lady, that’s your prerogative, but don’t you dare pretend that you can’t do it. You could because you’re like a badass heroine from one of my dirty girl books, as Ro calls them.”

I can’t help but laugh at her referring to me as “badass.” “Dirty girl books?”

She smirks. “Those.” She nods to her bookshelf full of dozens of books. I’m guessing those aren’t a bunch of mystery or adventure novels. I have no way of knowing what they are about just from the spine.

“I may have to borrow some of those. Maybe they’ll make my sex life more interesting.”

“Don’t pretend that you don’t have an eventful sex life as is,” she teases, and I roll my eyes.

“Fine.”

“Seriously though…” She trails off and takes my hand. “You deserve to be happy, and you can deny it all you want, but Nigel and his annoyingly fine ass makes you happy.”

I pout and cross my arms over my chest. Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’m allowed to not want that man to affect me. Plus, he's not the only man who has been preoccupying my thoughts. I don't want either of them there.

Suddenly, there’s a loud bang on her window before it slams open, and we snap our heads around. My heart nearly pounds out of my chest as two familiar manly bodies crawl through. Really, I shouldn’t be surprised by Nigel and Ronan appearing like a couple of peeping toms.

This is totally normal.

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