Page 24 of Seduced By a Scoundrel

What truly stopped Derrek from making the gesture and from taking whatever he wanted from his sweet dove was the way Jeremy tensed and fumbled the knife he’d just picked up. “Derrek,” he said in a small, plaintive, almost warning voice.

“Yes, my dove?” Derrek asked, his voice deep and thick with arousal.

Jeremy whimpered slightly. The sound was as much a question as it was a dismissal, so rather than letting the man go and taking a step back, Derrek pulled him slightly back from the table and turned him so they were face to face.

Jeremy gazed up at him with wide, wary eyes, but eyes that also sparkled with hunger. He parted his lips, but instead of words, only a breath escaped.

Derrek came to several conclusions at once. Jeremy wanted him, but he was inexperienced and likely afraid of his own nature. He could not tell whether Jeremy was a virgin, but a part of him hoped that he was. He wanted to be the only man to ever possess Jeremy fully.

At the same time, that would also likely mean a great deal of pain and awkwardness when they finally did succumb to their desires. Derrek had always preferred experienced partners, especially those in the receiving role, because they knew how not to break themselves for pleasure.

That being said, there were other ways to explore desire together besides penetration. Some of them were almost or just as delightful.

“You’re frightened of me,” he said after Jeremy said nothing for several long seconds.

“I am not frightened of you,” Jeremy said in a voice that screamed otherwise.

Derrek grinned, rested a hand on the side of Jeremy’s face, and brushed his thumb over Jeremy’s bottom lip. “Liar,” he purred. The man was so lovely with his soft, brown hair and gentle features that Derrek could hardly hold himself back from simply taking him.

“I am not,” Jeremy said, like a kitten trying to roar. “I know you would never hurt me, it is just that?—”

Derrek arched one eyebrow, waiting to hear just that what.

Jeremy blew out a breath and sagged in Derrek’s arms. “I have never been very good at this,” he said, looking down.

“Good at what? Being a charming, desirable man?”

Jeremy looked up at him quickly. “I’ve never been good at playing the sensual game,” he said. “In my experience, men want to either be rough and aggressive with me or they want me to be just as bold and sensual as they are.”

So he did have experience after all, though Derrek immediately hated every other man who had touched his dove.

“Have I said that I want either of those things?” he asked.

“No,” Jeremy answered slowly, squirming in Derrek’s hold. “But this morning….” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing deliciously, then wriggled out of Derrek’s hold and retreated to the other side of the table. “I felt like you wanted something from me,” he said, not quite able to meet Derrek’s eyes. “I felt like you wanted me to…to offer myself for you so you could…have me, and that you expected me to be eager and panting for it.”

Derrek had no doubt that if he had pushed things in the direction Jeremy had sensed he wanted, Jeremy would absolutely have ended up moaning like a bride on her wedding night and probably painting the wall beside the bed with his seed.

“And that’s not what you want,” he said, facing Jeremy but keeping a respectful distance.

Jeremy squirmed like a worm just pulled from a fresh, spring garden bed. “I did not say that,” he said, his voice hoarse and his eyes downcast once more. “It is just….” He pulled his gaze up to meet Derrek’s. “I have a business and a reputation to maintain. What men like us do, what we want, is punishable by death. At the very least, I would lose everything if who I am was made public. Enough of my clientele already know about me, but I keep their secrets as much as they keep mine. I cannot allow myself to indulge in a moment of weakness and risk losing my life.”

The heavy feeling that always formed in the pit of Derrek’s stomach when the risk of their existence was brought out into the open gnawed at him. Jeremy was right, of course. It took a clever man to live his life as he pleased without flaunting his wants to the point where he was arrested for them.

“I had a lover for many years,” he said, almost taking himself by surprise with the confession.

Jeremy blinked, his stance loosening by a fraction. “You did?”

Derrek nodded. “His name was Joseph. He was a doctor who dedicated his life to helping the poor. He could have had a practice on Harley Street. He came from good stock, his father was a preacher and his mother was connected to the nobility, and his family had done well for themselves.”

He paused, remembering the goodness and gentleness he’d seen in Joseph the first time they’d met, when he’d accompanied a nobleman who had been injured as part of an investigation Derrek had had a hand in to Harley Street. Joseph had been assisting in the practice that day. The connection had been immediate and sweet.

“We found every excuse under the sun to be together,” Derrek went on. “We had a few moments of terror when we thought we’d be exposed, but Joseph was an angel and everybody knew it. Many were the times someone or another could have called the police on us but turned the other way because they knew all the good work he did.”

“Is he….” Jeremy swallowed. “What happened to him?”

Derrek dropped his shoulders at the sudden wave of grief that hit him. “He died of cholera, which he caught while serving the poor in East London.”

“Oh, Derrek, I am terribly sorry,” Jeremy said, taking a step closer to him. “Has it been long?”

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