Page 22 of What I've Tasted of Desire

It was only three or four minutes before the bus pulled up and Alex climbed inside, safe and sound. He didn’t know it, but the world was a better place today. God willing, no young boys would suffer Barbara’s tender mercies ever again. All because he was brave. All because he loved freely. My poor, sweet Alex. Being moved to a new foster home and ripped away from Tom was hard. Life, to him, must seem wholly unfair. I just wished I could let him know that he had something better than a guardian angel watching out for him. God could be fickle—just ask those poor kids that had been removed from the house—but I intended toalwayscome through for Alex. No matter what he did, said, or thought. Unconditional love was in rare quantity, but he had it in spades. If only he could know!

The bus drove away in a cloud of noxious diesel fumes, taking my heart with it.

Chapter Twelve

I reread the text message I’d drafted once more, trying to make sure I had a good balance betweenthis is a professional text that I had to send, andI’m trying to flirt with you via text hoping you’ll open up to me a little more, and I can get to know you…

ME:Hey Alex. It’s Gabe with EFD. I just wanted to let you know that we got the other two extinguishers, and I’ll be by on Monday to install them. Sorry again about the mix-up, but at least I’ll get to see you again. :)

It was also Saturday. Was it weird to text someone about business matters on the weekend? Firefighters worked all the time, right? The last thing I wanted was to come across as unprofessional or creepy. But I wanted to talk to him againsobadly. I wanted to watch his cheeks turn rosy colors as he bit his lip nervously and looked away when I smiled at him. I wanted to count the faint freckles on the bridge of his nose. I wanted to stand close to him, smelling the sweet scent of his body, and imagine ravishing him.

I had enough self-awareness to know when someone found me attractive. That much wasn't in doubt—or, was it? All l I could hope was that my yearning for Alex hadn’t made my mind see things that weren’t actually there. On the other hand, Alex had blushed twice.Twice!

Everything I had worked for over the last few years was finally within reach. I had gotten myself into shape, every aspect of my physique tight, toned, and tanned. The $65,000 worth of dental work and implants had given me a dazzling smile. I’d recently moved Tom out of the way like an unwanted chess piece, and the Westing House project was going swimmingly, just according to plan. The big picture was all coming together, and it wasbeautiful.More so than I had ever dared to hope. I just needed tonot fuck it up.

Alex had just walked into the mall. Now that we’d officially met, I didn’t dare follow him inside. My gut told me that I would never recover from how perverted I would seem.Although,my brain countered,would it really be the worst thing?I could go inside, grab a smoothie and just happen to ‘bump’ into Alex. We would chat for a few minutes, and then I could ask him to lunch…

I shook my head. “Too coincidental,” I muttered to myself. I sighed and finally hit the send button on the text I’d spent way too long composing. I put my phone down and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel of the car, my whole body abuzz with nervous energy.

You just texted Alex!

Maybe the smiley face at the end was too much? Was I trying too hard?What if he thinks I’m a total creep? I’m texting him about fire extinguishers on the weekend, essentially asking him to work when he’s off the clock. That’s just… annoying.

“Ugh, I should have waited until Monday morning. That would have been more appropriate and less… desperate.” I was glaring at my reflection in the rearview mirror so hard I nearly jumped when my phone dinged.

Alex texted back!

Love of my life ??:Hi Gabe. Sounds great on the extinguishers, but you know you don't technically have to wait until Sunday to see me again. If you want, that is.

I pored over both his reply and my initial text. I had told him I would be there on Monday, not Sunday. Was that a nervous mistake on his part?

He said I didn’t have to wait tilltomorrowto see him again. Washeaskingmeout? Exclamation point, question mark?

My heart was beating faster than a jackrabbit’s, and it was getting difficult to hold my phone and type from all the sweat seeping out of my palms. Was it unduly forward of me to assume he wanted to see me… today? Tonight?Was this it? Was Alex falling for me?

I curled my top lip between my teeth and chewed on it as I started typing.

Me:Pick you up at eight?

I was starting to feel a bit lightheaded, like I’d just been through an intense cardio workout at the gym. I tried to keep myself contained enough to not start squealing like a schoolgirl during her prom-posal.

Love of my life ??:Can’t wait :)

I suddenly hated the fact that I was stuck in the car, as all I wanted to do was get out and dance around the parking lot like a love-sick loon. I had a date with Alex!

I HAD A DATE WITH ALEX!Tonight!

Oh… fu-u-uck. What if it goes really well, and he wants to make love?

The butterflies in my stomach quickly soured and sat heavy in my gut as anxiety took over.

You are inexperienced and ill-prepared! You’ll make a fool of yourself, and, worse than that, you could hurt him…

I smacked my forehead with the palm of my hand a few times, hoping to quiet the voices, even just for a moment so I could think.

I pulled up my contact list and fired off a quick text to my personal trainer. It was short notice, but I’d heard more than once about his…extracurriculars.Jason was a sweet guy and a tremendous advocate of my self-improvement, but it was a badly-hidden secret that he made the lion’s share of his salary on activities a lot more illicit than helping a few personal training clients juice. Hard drugs were one of the things he peddled, but there were others. More human vices.

I felt like I was going to be sick.

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