Page 38 of Backstroke

Driving through the city streets, I replay the confrontation with Remy over and over in my mind. His words, his touch, the intensity in his eyes—it all feels like too much. I can’t let him control me, but I also can’t deny the pull I feel towards him.It’s infuriating.

I pull over to the side of the road, resting my head against the steering wheel. My tears finally spill freely, and I let them. I need this release, this moment to feel everything I’ve been holding back. I never cry. I don’t even remember the last time I did. I’m always so good at holding it together, being the glue my mother needed after everything that happened with my father. Always holding people at arm’s length so I wouldn’t get hurt again. But Remy… I let him in without even realizing it. He’s seen parts of me I’ve kept hidden from everyone else. And now, the thought of losing him, of pushing him away, feels like tearing out a piece of my own heart. I can argue with myself all I want about the reason for keeping my nose in books but the truth is, it was easier to push people away than let them in. Yet with Remy, I failed. I let him in, and now I’m paying the price.

As I sit in my car, trying to gather my thoughts, my phone buzzes. I glance at the screen and see Rowyn’s name flashing. For a moment, I consider ignoring it, but I know she’ll just keep calling.

I swipe to answer. “Hey, Rowyn,” I mutter, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Fallon! Are you still coming to the beach?” Rowyn’s voice is bright and cheerful, a stark contrast to the turmoil inside me.

I hesitate, glancing at the clock. I told Remy I had plans but now I’m not sure I want them. “I… I’m not sure,” I admit. “Something came up.”

Rowyn pauses, sensing something is off. “Are you okay? You sound upset.”

I take a deep breath, trying to keep my emotions in check. “It’s just been a rough night. Family stuff.”Understatement of the century.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she questions gently. “Or maybe coming to the beach will help you clear your head. The bonfire is already going, and Lyndsy is here too.”

I consider her offer. The idea of escaping, even to the beach, is tempting. “Maybe you’re right,” I respond finally. For once, my fear of water is overshadowed by the fear of the future, and the unknown problems I’ll have to face.

“Great! We’ll be here,” Rowyn affirms, her voice full of encouragement.

“Thanks, Row,” I reply, feeling a small sense of relief. “I’ll see you soon.”

The drive to the beach feels like a blur, my mind still reeling from everything that happened tonight. As I pull into the parking lot, the sound of waves crashing against the shore and the distant laughter of people around the bonfire start to soothe my frayed nerves.

I spot Rowyn waving at me from near the fire, her face illuminated by the flickering flames. She looks concerned, but smiles warmly as I approach. “Hey, you made it,” she announces, pulling me into a hug.

“Yeah, I needed to get out of there,” I heave. The warmth of the fire and the comfort of Rowyn’s presence start to ease the tension in my chest.

Rowyn hands me a blanket and we sit down on the sand, close enough to the fire to feel its heat. “Do you want to talk about it?” she questions, her eyes full of concern.

“Not really,” I shrug. “Where’s Lyndsy?” I interrupt in an effort to move the conversation away from me.

“Oh, she’s over there with some guy from her history class.” She points in their direction and I see her laughing along to something he said. I wish I could borrow an ounce of her happiness right now. Everyone is enjoying the beach, and I feel like my sour mood is rolling off of me in waves.

“I think you need a drink,” Rowyn chimes in.

“I couldn’t agree more,” I smile as I jump to my feet, dusting the sand from my butt. I drop my heels and dig my feet into the sand, already feeling freer than I have all night. Rowyn takes my hand and pulls me through the throng of people to a table that’s been set up with drinks and snacks. She pulls two cans from the cooler, handing one to me. I don’t even look at what it is before I open it up and take a huge gulp. The bitter liquid burns my throat, making my eyes water.

“What the hell is this?” I cringe, trying to see the label from the light of the fire.

Rowyn laughs. “It’s White Claw. I’m not sure who brought what, but this is loads better than beer. Plus,” she points to the open bottles. “I’m not drinking something that’s already open.”

“Yeah, good point. This will have to do.”

“To friends and freedom,” she giggles. We clink our cans together and laugh as we make our way back to the blanket and plop down.

My blue hair catches the moonlight as my fingers twirl through the strands. My mind races with thoughts of Remy, and how our new situation will bind us together. I’m glad I came to the beach, needing to be somewhere other than the confines of my bedroom. I don’t know if I can tell Rowyn and Lyndsy aboutthe bomb my mother dropped on me at dinner tonight, and I’m not even sure if I want to. They’ve been adamant that I keep my distance from Remy, and now that won’t really be an option. At least not at family events. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that my mom randomly eloped. She never even told me she was dating anyone. I know the news shocked Remy as well. I could see the anger written across his face.

“So, you never told us what happened during that game of hide and seek,” Rowyn hints, pulling me from my thoughts. I hope she can’t see my cheeks flame from the mention of that night.

“What about it?” I wonder, trying to keep my voice steady through the swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

“Oh, don’t give me that! You didn’t get home until late and the next morning you were covered in scratches and…hickies?” Fuck, I thought I had covered them well enough. The bruises over my hips from Remy’s hands are starting to fade, but the memories are fresh in my mind, like I’m still there in the forest with him. Heat rushes to my core and I have to shift slightly on the blanket in an effort to tamper down those sensations.

Rowyn’s curiosity lingers, and I can feel my cheeks burning even more. “It was just a game,” I urge, trying to sound nonchalant, but my voice betrays me with a slight tremor.

She raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “Come on, Fallon. You can tell me. What really happened out there?”

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