Page 42 of Pressure

With heaviness in his heart, he pulled up the administrator panel for the club website and hovered his mouse over the button to disable it.

He would not cry in front of this group, he thought as he squeezed his eyes shut.

With a click of a button, the Solitaire website was down.

He and Marissa still had work to do but the ceremonial step was done, and it wasn’t possible for anyone to visit the site anymore.

The simple click of the mouse felt like a punch to the gut. Feelings of failure swarmed him, and he needed to sit down.

Marissa stayed next to him and the group remained quiet for a few seconds. When he gave the nod that it was done, they subjected him to another round of hugs. He was appreciative, but he knew if they didn’t leave soon, he was going to break down in front of them.

When the board finally filtered out of the room, he leaned with his palms flat on the table.

“You OK?” Marissa whispered.

He shook his head. “Not really. This sucks.” The lump in his throat threatened to give way to tears and he took his glasses off.

“Can I give you a hug?”

“You’ve never needed permission to hug me, Marissa.”

He stood upright and turned to face her. When she wrapped her arms around his middle, he buried his face in her neck and let the tears fall. It was embarrassing to say the least.

“God damn it,” he said, pulling away from her to wipe his eyes. “Sorry.”

“If we were still together, I would say take me upstairs and work your frustrations out on me, but since we’re not, how about we get back to work and get this sonofabitch?”

Lance nodded and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

“I miss you. I hope you know that,” he said.

She looked at him warily. “It seems unlikely since you haven’t contacted me for five years.”

He smiled and his conversation with Austin on Friday night echoed in his mind. “I deserve that. Can I show you something?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

Sitting at the table, he pressed a few keys on his laptop and pulled up a document he’d been keeping for the last five years.

Spinning the laptop, he shoved it in her direction.

At first, she was quiet as she read the screen.

“Seriously?” she whispered a few minutes later. “You did all this?”

He nodded. “You’d made it clear that we were done, and I desperately wanted to respect that, but I also wanted to make amends, so I did what I could without talking to you.”

“God damn it, Lance.”

Was she angry?

“I thought you would appreciate it.”

“I do. That’s not what I’m swearing at. Why didn’t you fucking say something sooner? I would have talked to you. We might have fixed our problems if I had known this.”

He winced. “I try to respect no, Marissa.”

She sighed. “I guess I have to be thankful for that.”

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