Page 108 of Shâhzâdeh

“I want it to be gold.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Fête à la maison

VANYA

“TELL ME ABOUT you.”

We were on the back screen porch of the house enjoying the spring weather. The onslaught of pollen had been washed away by a recent storm and it felt like you could actually breathe when you stepped outside. Xerxes had come back from a trip from out of town last night and it felt good to have him back home. The few days I didn’t have him in the house had made this aching loneliness develop. His mother and I had finalized details of my dress and I’d been introduced to his father over dinner. And my God that man was gorgeous. Genetically, Xerxes was a masterpiece, but seeing his family I understood why he ended up looking the way he did. We’d gone to a private dining space where Xerxes’ chef had made dinner for all of us.

“What would you like to know?” His arm was around the back of the chair and I snuggled closer to his side

“Anything. I want to know you. Not the glamours man in the suits or thethobe.”

I felt his head move and I looked up to see him beaming at me. “You’ve been researching I see.”

“I’m trying. I don’t want to offend someone and make any of you look bad.” I winced at the last part and I knew I should’ve kept my mouth shut.

He squinted briefly before those beautifully lashed eyes widened in understanding. “Zhat is what it is.”

I turned to him even more but stayed in his embrace. “What what is?”

“Zhat is your trigger. Zhe zhought of letting ozers down.”

I frowned because he made it seem like it was a big deal and to me it just seemed normal. “Wouldn’t that be anyone’s trigger?”

His head shook quickly, his hair brushing the side of my face softly. “No. A driving force, yes. But zhis need to make others look good is a reactionary measure. Vanya, no one should expect you to be perfect at everyzing immediately all the time. It is impossible. Having respect for zhe culture, religion or the person is paramount. My parents have been married almost zhirty-six years and even my mother forgets zhings. Learning is a lifelong process. Just like I’m sure zhere are tings about you zhat I will need to be reminded of. I pray you will not take offense if I get somezing incorrect.”

I chuckled because this man had done so much to show me he respected and revered me that I would never be angry at him over something so small. “That would be stupid of me—”

“Zhen feel that way about yourself. Zhat it would be stupid of someone else to hold you to an unattainable standard.”

I smirked and had to keep myself from melting at how he never missed a chance to make me feel better about myself. “I thought we were talking about you.”

“I don’t mind the deflection. But me. I was never supposed to be born.” His voice didn’t change, the words gliding over one another in that same seductively smooth fashion.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that my father’s family is anti-Black.”

“Like… racist?”

“Yes.” He pulled his hair back into a low ponytail but the hair in front still escaped.

“But…”

“Racism isn’t a ting zhat only white people can do. Understand zhat Iran is in what is considered zhe Middle East, but it has just as many ties to Europe. Zhe Persian language is an Indo-Iranian language but is a subset of a larger Indo-European one. So yes, it is in zhe Middle East, but some Iranians have issues with zheir neighbors. It is more zhan preserving culture, it is being seen as better zhan. In Iran, zhe indigenous people are zhe most predominate, zherefore zhey can be racist against a group of people zhey deem inferior. Sadly, zhat is prevalent in countries all over zhe vorld.”

I didn’t think of Iran as some utopia that would be welcoming, but I assumed that since they had been persecuted in other parts of the world, they wouldn’t be that way towards others. It was crushing to see that anti-Blackness was pervasive in every culture. “Dang. No escape anywhere.”

He squeezed me closer to him almost apologetically. Like he hated to have burst the bubble of how I had envisioned things. “I understand how you feel. I have an uncle, one I actually like, whose mother was Sudanese. He is darker zhan me and more phenotypically African zhan I am. He is a devout Muslim, grew up in zhe palace and is probably a virgin if I asked him.”

I giggled but felt amazing that Xerxes was showing me parts of himself and his family without hesitation. This felt like the attachment I’d always longed for. “You are really telling this man’s business like it’s yours.”

He smiled softly and kissed the side of my head. Something I realized he did often and I liked a lot. “Honestly, he would be proud of zhe fact. He feels as zhough zhe corruption of zhe body leaves to the corruption of zhe spirit. Having a body zhat has been kept as pure as possible would be something he had no issue discussing. But they play a lot of games, my father’s family. Zhey do tings zhey try to use against you later.”

His voice had turned bitter and I was almost afraid to ask what he meant. “Like what?”

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