Page 112 of Shâhzâdeh

He was laughing and holding up his hand so I could calm down. “Mon amour, I am the color of churned butter with the facial features of my fazer. My eznicity is more obvious zhe longer I’m in the sun. You did nothing wrong in your assumption. Do I wish the Cannon side would’ve fought harder in my looks? Of course. But maybe zhey saw my fazer was a good man and let him have zhis win. Who knows? But do not let zhose people from before infiltrate how you move in zhis world. You are who you are, Vanya. You are a beautiful Black woman who doesn’t need to conform to be accepted. Just relax and enjoy your time wiz zhe women you meet. Frankie vill be around and you have to remember she is about as wholesome as zhey come. Well, mostly.” I’m glad he corrected himself because even I had seen how Frankie got down.

“Jada already told me that I would have to toughen up.”

“The same woman who faced down the literal demons that she lived with in order to escape? You might be tougher than all of them because you didn’t allow something that had invaded your mind and your body to win. You found courage that you weren’t used to, courage that you were told didn’t exist and you won. There is nothing weak about that.”

“Thank you. You always speak so beautifully to me.”

“It should’ve always been zhis way for you. Is zhere anyzing else you want to get off your chest to me? I like zhis opening up we are doing.”

“I was functionally illiterate when I got away from them.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“We were homeschooled, so I never could have a formal education. I was good with numbers and I could read, but they wouldn’t let me do higher level learning like I wanted to.”

“Yes, we discussed zhat you were not in the school system and zhey focused more on domestic duties wiz you.”

I let my head tilt back because I felt so embarrassed admitting this. “I didn’t elaborate on the fact that they tried to keep me dumb. If I asked for a book, I was told that the only thing I could read was the Bible. That all knowledge of the world came from that. I thought when I was forced to get married I would at least be able to have freedom. But he was an even stricter warden over me than they were and I didn’t understand. The marriage was supposed to mean we could run our own lives but he wanted a carbon copy of the lifestyle they lived. He hated all of his Blackness and was resentful of having a Black wife.”

He ran a hand down the heavy five o’clock shadow that covered his face. “Chi?Please do not let my mind wonder too far into what zhat means,ziba. But I understand now you desire now more.”

“My desire for what?”

“Your desire to fill zhe library. How your face lit up when we toured this place. Zhe intermittent moments I’ve been in your office and you are reading a book on some subject I deem random but it is the zhirst for knowledge zhat you have. Because of how long it was denied to you.” He seemed less intense and I was happy he’d changed the subject.

“I know some people wouldn’t bother since I’ve already got business and things going but I don’t want to be a person that recognizes they’re ignorant and allows it to stay that way, you know?”

“I understand. It is zhe way I felt when I met you.”

“How? There’s no book on Vanya Kennedy.”

“No. But you are the author of your story so I studied you to learn about you. The way you could give grace to Liam, despite how angry he made you initially. The way you loved our godchildren showed that you wanted to be a mother. The careful way you carry yourself shows that someone had abused your trust and you. The armor you wear to protect someone from doing it again. You do not have to worry about that anymore,ghoroub. I am more than ready to be your human shield.”

“Ghoroub, that’s a new one.”

“May I?” He pointed his finger toward my face and I nodded, wondering what he was about to do. Slowly his hand reach out and grazed my scalp, sending tingles over my flesh in a soothing yet mildly erotic way. Xerxes’ fingers teased a strand of hair down and a curl fell into my face. “This isghoroub. Or what reminds me of the word. It is the serenity of sunset. Moments like this, I get the gentle warmth of your flame. When the sun sets low into the sky all manner of reds and oranges, it’s the reminder to take a rest. Zhat is how I feel when I’m wiz you. You’re a reminder for me zhat I have endured, worked hard enough and rest is not something I can avoid. That love is not.”

“Aren’t you worried? We haven’t known each other that long. Not in this capacity.”

“I know enough. I am more zhan pleased but more zhan anyzing I felt zhe same zhing zhat you did a year ago. Zhe spark. Zhe desire to lean into zhe fire because I knew it would not consume me. And it was not your looks. I do not call you ziba because you are merely beautiful on the outside. I call you that because every part of you is beautiful. Even your pain.”

This man could see me, expose me and speak words to heal me all at once. I hated feeling like all of this was such a one sided love affair. “Thank you so much for all that you have done. Not even the things, just being here has made me feel far more safe than I have before. Not even when I lived by myself.”

“I had planned to fill zhe library with items zhat were beautiful and rare. But I will leave zhat for another home. I will find the books that make you happy and have zhem delivered. Whatever you want.” He pulled me closer onto his lap thrilled at being able to spoil me in a more meaningful way.

“May I ask a favor?”

“Anyzing.”

“Can I learn your language?”

“You can learn all zhat I know, and what I don’t we can learn together. Persian, French, Arabic I have, but then we can learn a new language zhat’s just ours together. Swahili or Igbo. But am I the best teacher for you is zhe question?” He seemed hesitant and I wondered why he felt incapable.

“I feel you wouldn’t make fun of me if I mess up.”

“If anyone zhought to make fun of you zheir blood would stain zhe floor after zhe first chuckle.” His face was tight at the thought of someone making me feel bad and it made me smile harder.

“Well, since I’m very fond of all the flooring and you just purchased this house, maybe you can try it for a while.”

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