Page 75 of Shâhzâdeh

She smiled her eyes still slightly secretive. I wouldn’t press because I could understand not wanting to give too much of your pain away to people you didn’t know.

“Neither do you. I’m going to assume that based on the type of woman you are, you’ve been through hell. But you didn’t let it break you. You don’t walk around afraid of your own shadow, at least not in public. The shadows at night might haunt you, but you’re willing to put them down if necessary. The scars are there, but it’s not something that I show to just anyone. That type of vulnerability can get you killed. I’m not in the habit of dying.”

“You are… complex.” Because what the hell else could I say to that?

She shrugged before standing up fully. “Kindred spirits wouldn’t you agree?”

“Maybe. I don’t want to be unprofessional, so please don’t hold it against me if I lose my shit every once in a while.”

Navi laughed for the first time since she’d been here and it made her even more beautiful. “I would be more surprised if you didn’t.”

“It’s time for lunch. I’m going to work through it but take an hour or more. I don’t even have a lot of things going on and I feel bad that you haven’t had a lot of work to do.”

“It’s peaceful. I’m happy that there are a few deals in the works, but I won’t ever frown at having a second to breathe.”

I cocked my head to the side completely surprised by her statement. “That’s… really healthy.”

Navi did the grin thing that made me feel as though I wasn’t going to like what she had to say. “I’ve been working since I was seven years old. I understand more than most that sometimes you have to rest. I’ve thrown myself into work trying to prove that I could be normal. Trying to run away from the bad that seems to follow me wherever I went. And you know what it got me?”

“What?”

“Nothing. Well, not nothing, I got money. I got things. And that pissed me off more.” Navi looked angry and now I was wondering if something was wrong with me because I was confused. Money gave you options. Goals gave you a purpose. Things were the physical reminder of your hard work. But now, I was concerned I’d been looking at life all wrong.

“Having money pissed you off?”

“What it represented. What I gave up to have that money pissed me off. And I realized I was turning into a pawn of a system that was better off dismantled than my labor being used to further it.” I had to wonder if I had Natasha Romanov working with me because she was sounding really anarchist in her speech.

“So we are dismantling capitalistic systems of oppression today?” We both laughed and now I couldn’t be pissed at Frankie for having Jerica. I liked Navi and considered her a friend.

“We’re no longer neglecting ourselves in order to feed into the machine. Having enough is better than worrying about abundance.”

“I can agree with that but I guess I feel like a hypocrite.”

“Why?”

“Because I have an abundance so it’s easy for me to say.” I bit my lip waiting on her judgement. I wasn’t sure why I thought it would be negative, but that was always my baseline.

“And you see and work with people who don’t to give them foothold into the American dream. That’s something to be proud of.” We’d discussed the down payment assistance I gave to home buyers and she had matched my percentage from her closings.

“Thank you. I don’t know why that made me feel better.”

Navi looked at me with understanding and I felt like I was over sharing. “Because you’re not used to hearing people be appreciative of what you do. I was that way. I’ve had to learn that it’s not wrong to be praised for doing a good job.”

“How long has it taken you to fully accept it?” I knew I shouldn’t have pried but I couldn’t help it. I was craving to hear how people handled normalcy after being in ridiculous situations.

Navi looked like she was calculating something in her head and I stood silently waiting on her answer. “It’s been like eight months since I started hearing it so I’m still a work in progress.”

To me she’d done a remarkable amount of work if only five months had passed. But just like I needed to hear the positive, I was sure she did, too. “Well, you’ve been great help around here even when it’s something mundane. I feel very normal not talking to the walls, so I appreciate you. Whatever you spend on lunch, treat yourself and then expense it.”

Navi smiled at my words before nodding and she pulled out her phone. “You want me to bring you something back?”

“No, it’s unnecessary. We’ll probably get out of here early today.”

She hesitated like she had something to say but couldn’t say it. I didn’t push her because I knew she had shared a lot. “I won’t be far so call me if you change your mind. But just in case your ex is stupid, keep the door locked, okay?”

I appreciated her concern and agreed to do what she said. After I followed her out front, I locked the door before going back to my office.

I went back to work still thinking about everything that Navi had revealed. She had me rethinking a lot because I’d gotten thethingsand while it had been good, the idea ofmorewas still out there. To be honest, it was within my grasp if I wanted to stop being scary and take it.

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