Page 11 of Puck, Marry, Thrill

KENNETH

This might have been a mistake…

That thought echoed in his mind repeatedly as Kenneth chewed his chicken, glanced at Zachary almost protectively, and watched the woman –Jamie– from the corner of his eye. She was a train wreck, which is why he wanted to talk. He had zero issues with telling her to bug-off if needed because Zachary came first… always.

He’d been stunned at how easily his son took to her, feeling something warm coil in his chest at seeing someone hugging his son, cradling him like he was everything, and the way Zachary’s face lit up at being cuddled by someone who filled the empty ‘Mom-slot’ that Candi had abandoned right away. He couldn’t even remember the last time Candi had hugged his son –their son– and that was part of the reason things were over. They had different priorities and ethics.

He believed in the sanctity of marriage, family, and forever.

Candi thought only of herself.

“Tell me about yourself,” Kenneth volunteered suddenly, needing to know if he was making the right decision for Zachary. He didn’t care about himself, but he wouldn’t put his boy in harm’s way. “You mentioned having a bad day?”

“Mentioned and look-like,” Jamie corrected, smiling wryly. “Thank you for the soup.”

“Of course,” he replied, pausing as he waited for her to talk – pointedly. “Go on…”

Jamie sighed heavily, like the world was falling around her, and a sudden understanding hit him because he’d had those moments, had those feelings, several times over the last year and a half. He’d spoken with a counselor to help get over his feelings of grief, inadequacy, and fear of what life would be like alone – but he wasn’t. He had Zachary, and it was eye-opening to realize that, and he was about to say something comforting when she looked upward, like she was talking to herself, to him, to God, to anyone.

“Have you ever thought you were meant to be more… and kept failing?” Jamie whispered painfully, and he saw her eyes tear up. Man, he hated tears because they made him feel like he’d been mean. He always took it to heart, needing to make it all better somehow, even if it wasn’t about him.

“Things were not supposed to be this difficult, this hard, and I wish people could be better, believe they could do more, because it would make this world such a beautiful place,” she breathed and then chuckled to herself, lost in her thoughts. “I always wanted to be respected, to be someone to somebody, and I give it my all… but people don’t want someone who gives a hundred percent. They are freaks, bossy,witchy, or simply don’t fit…”

He pressed his lips together to keep from laughing at her comment about being ‘witchy’ and remembering how she was trying to clean up her language – just like him.

“Growing up, I listened to the fairytales. I wanted to be the princess that helped people, the one that people loved, a leader, a friend,” she hung her head, staring at her bowl of soup. “And as an adult, it hurts to realize there is no castle. There are no people, no person taking a stand for something better, no one leading the parade.”

Jamie sighed heavily like the weight of the world was on her shoulders, before looking at him again.

“I don’t have a prince. My chariot is about to be repossessed, and I’m trying so hard to keep that outlook because it makes a part of my soul die to think that there isn’t some sort of hope, some magic, some calling in this life…” she met his eyes, glassy and stunning, that he swallowed. “Is it so wrong to want more for yourself, for others – because I’m starting to wonder if I’m walking a path in the wrong set of shoes.”

“What do you mean?”

“People always say ‘walk a mile in my shoes’ – well, I’ve walked it, but it doesn’t feel like me. I feel like I’m trying to fit into a mold and coming up short… repeatedly. Maybe I’m not meant to be an office goddess answering phones or taking dictation; maybe I’m meant for so much less, and I should just settle for mediocrity.”

“What do you want for yourself?” he asked softly.

“I want to be part of something bigger,” she admitted. “To be part of a community, to find a place where I belong, to show others how wonderful my kingdom is… to finally meet my prince, to sit under a tree and tell tales to all the village children so they believe in magic, love, heroes, and something more. I want to create a yearning for something more in everyone, so they all look upward, knowing the next step could be the one, their moment, their everything…”

He sat there, blown away and unsure what to say to all of that. How did this raggedy creature, this woman, who had been shoved down by reality so hard… could still look upward, hoping, wanting for so much more? Where others would have given up, she was staring starstruck at the world before her, wanting to lead, to share, to raise others beside her to join in her positivity, and he wanted this for Zachary.

For him.

“I’m taking a different job,” he began quietly, watching her. “I need to for personal reasons, but the job is only hiring married men. I’m divorced and not really thrilled with the idea – no offense…”

“None taken.”

“But I’m looking for someone who is independent yet can respect the bond that I have with my son. He’s everything to me – and I’m doing this so he can be a part of my life more. They are talking about building a community for the team, so I don’t see why you couldn’t be a part of that somehow.”

“Really?” she whispered, stunned.

“You wouldn’t worry about money as my wife, but I do expect fidelity.”

“Of course.”

“And I won’t touch you…”

“Oh.”

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