Page 17 of The Way We Fell

I weave Maisy’s soft curls around my fingers.

“I feel like I never see you anymore,” I whisper. “You have Cam now, and you’re always flying…”

“Exactly. You could never be a third wheel. You’re always my sister-before-my-mister.” Amie switches the iron off and comes around the table, wrapping me in a hug. The soft, familiar scent of her apple shampoo fills my nostrils, washing over me like a comforting balm to soothe a tired soul. It’s been a long time since I’ve spent more than an hour or two of quality time with my best friend. It’s been even longer since I’ve done anything other than move back and forth between work and home. I could do with the break. Amie’s right. I deserve a holiday.

“Okay. Take me to Mexico.” I tie off Maisy’s second braid and adjust them neatly on her shoulders.

“Maisy Mouse, Aunty K is coming with us to Mexico!”

Maisy cheers through a mouthful of cereal, bouncing in her seat, and Amie squeezes my shoulders. A couple of days away with my favourite people is exactly what I need.

I feel lighter than I have for a while when I walk home from Amie’s house later in the afternoon. The last couple of weeks haven’t been without upheaval, but I’ve spent more time with my best friends since the start of the year than I have in the last several months combined. And there’s a new kind of hope blooming in my chest when I think of Jay and how I’m drawn to him, how easy it is to spend time with him.

It’s not like I’m expecting anything to happen. He’s my best friend’s brother, and she all but demanded we keep our romantic distance. But she didn’t forbid us from being friends with him… and I think I quite like being friends with Jay Bevan.

Lunch at Flights and Fancies has become a weekly event. We usually meet on a Sunday, but this week, we’ve brought it forward to Saturday, instead. Ruth thinks I’m mad for having a standing brunch date with her ‘grumpy brother’ but I think she’s secretly quite pleased that I’ve adopted Jay as a friend. I told her it’s because no one else will enjoy craft beer with me, and that’s partially true, but the more time I spend with him, the more I enjoy his company.

It helps that he’s attractive, sure, but it’s more than that. There’s something about him that calls to me. Something that draws me to him whenever he’s around. Something in that faraway, haunted look in his eyes. Even when he’s not in the best of moods, when he’s reliving whatever nightmares I’m sure he experienced overseas, something about him makes me want to know him. To see him. Something tells me he needs someone to see him for who he is. And for reasons I’m not sure I fully understand, I’m determined to be the one to do it.

I’ve been doomscrolling on social media while I wait, adding more new books to my to-read list. I’m just reading an especially juicy snippet where the girl is bent over the handlebars of her man’s bike when a shadow falls over the table, and I lock my phone immediately. That one will definitely have to wait for later.

Jay slides into the booth opposite me as I push my phone back into my bag and rest my arms on the tabletop, regarding him for a minute. Lo and Amie were right. He’s hot as hell. He’s all sharp angles like Ruth, with sculpted cheekbones and a long nose. Fashionably scruffy stubble covers the lower half of his face. His chest and shoulders are broad, stretching his fashionably-worn blue-grey sweater to perfection. And the way he fills out those jeans… it has me wondering what those strong thighs look like unclothed, what he’s hiding beneath the perfectly-fitted denim. I almost have to stop myself from drooling.

We’ve been working our way through the menu methodically, trying a new beer and baked goods flight on each visit, so I ordered the next items on the list while I waited. Our food arrives seconds after Jay does, and the scent of freshly baked sweets fills my nostrils. I breathe deeply, letting the aroma blanket me before I speak.

“So, I’m going to Mexico next week.” I pick up a small glass from the wooden board and bring it to my face, inhaling the hoppy fragrance before taking a sip.

“You’re—wait, what? Mexico?”

I offer the glass across the table and Jay takes it, scrunching his nose as he sniffs and then sips. He replaces the glass on the board with a sour expression and takes a gulp of water. I smirk. I quite like that one. But then again, I like a citrusy beer. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Jay Bevan over the last couple of weeks of beer flight brunches, it’s that he definitely doesnot.

“Yeah, Amie invited me. She’s there for her birthday. Long layover. Cam’s home that week so he and Maisy are coming too, but I think it’ll be nice to get away, even just for a couple of days. I’ve always wanted to go, and I love Mexican food.”

“How long is a couple of days?”

“Her layover is seventy-two hours, but that’s plenty of time to explore and eat enough tacos to make myself sick. Besides, I’ll probably be on Maisy duty for a good chunk of it, anyway.”

“Sounds nice, though. Maisy’s cute.” He slides the other wooden board closer and selects a cookie, tearing it in half and biting into the smaller piece. A crumb sticks to his lip and I find myself transfixed by it. I clench my fingers into fists below the table to stop myself from reaching out to brush it away. What I wouldn’t give to lick it from his lips.

“Yeah, she is…”

“You don’t sound especially excited,” he notes drily. He’s not wrong. Idon’tsound excited. Am I being ungrateful? This is the opportunity of a lifetime, to cross the world—something I’ve done so rarely, but always enjoyed—and visit a new country with my best friend. Buck up, buttercup. I paste the smile back on my face.

“No, I am. I am! I’ve always wanted to go to Mexico. It’s just, Roo will be in Austin, and Lo has too many bookings to move around, so it’ll just be me and Amie… and her boyfriend and kid. I feel like a third wheel... a fourth wheel, maybe, since Maisy will be there too. I love them, you know? Cam is like a brother to me already. And I love Maisy like she’s mine, I love her so much and I’ll never say no to hanging out with her. She’s the best little kid, you know? But… I just see what they’ve got and I know it’s dumb and irrational but…”

I stuff a piece of cookie into my mouth and wash it down with another sip of beer.

“You want that too?”

How does he always know?

“Yeah,” I say on a heavy sigh. “I mean, I don’t want to be jealous of my best friend’s happiness. It’s fucking stupid, isn’t it? I want to be happy for her. Iamhappy for her. It’s just… fuck.” I run my fingers through my hair.

“Sometimes it feels like the world is standing still for me and spinning for everyone else. Do you ever feel like that? Like, everyone else is getting all these things that you’ve always wanted, things you can only dream of for yourself, and you just have to stand by and be happy while you watch it happen to them and not to you?”

Jay’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, considering my words before answering.

“I think I do,” he says after a few beats. “It’s not quite the same, but… I joined up willingly. I always wanted to join the army. I loved it. Mostly. But towards the end, I’d get jealous. I’d be jealous of guys getting their orders and shipping home. Even when they came home because they were injured, or even worse, because they were dead—I mean,fuck, who the fuck is jealous of someone because they’ve lost a leg or had their fucking head blown off? What kind of man does that? What kind of man, what kind offucking monsterdoes that make me?”

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