Page 81 of The Way We Fell

“Neither of us wanted to hurt you, Roo. But it—we—it just happened. And I’m not going to apologise for loving her.”

“Then I have nothing to say to you. Get out.”

“I’m a grown fucking adult, Ruth, and so are you. I don’t have to run my emotions past you. I’m sorry you found out this way instead of us telling you directly, but it’s not up to you. You don’t get to choose who or what I feel.”

“Get out.”

“Ruth—”

“Get. The fuck. Out of my house.”

“Ruth.”

“Get out!” my sister shrieks, whirling past me and almost tearing the door off its hinges as she flings it open. “I mean it, Jay. Get the fuck out of my house right now. I don’t want you here. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. Don’t call me.”

I sigh. Confrontation isn’t exactly taught in the army, but a calm demeanour as someone is yelling in your faceis. I match my breaths to my heartbeat, my pulse pounding in my throat as I turn on my heel. It’s funny how of the hundreds, thethousandsof things I learned in the army, this one is the lesson I’m taking into my post-military life.

“Call me when you’re ready,” I say as I pause in the doorway. “I love you, Rooey.”

“Not fucking likely,” I hear her mutter as I cross the threshold. She slams the door behind me, and I hear the way the security chain clinks against the bracket as she fumbles with it, and then a thump as she collapses against the door. I stand outside, one hand against the wood for a moment. I know my little sister, and it’s foolish of me to hope she’d change her mind and open the door to allow me back in. She needs time to stew.

But I wait regardless, my throat aching with sadness. Once I’m certain she’s safe on the other side, continuing with her day, I take a slow walk back down the stairs to my car, where I kick a tyre and then slam a fist against the steering wheel before driving away.

Hearing Katy sob is officially the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Not being on the front lines of war, seeing hundreds of innocent families killed by senseless violence. Not sitting in a jeep as it hits an IED, having my leg shattered as I’m trapped upside down with a fire raging and burning through my skin. Not standing by and watching as my brothers lose legs, arms, and lives; having to send them home in pieces and in body bags.

All of that pales to the way my throat constricts, my eyes burn, and my chest aches as Katy sobs in my arms, a gut-wrenching pain tearing through me with every cry and whimper. And there’s nothing I can do about it, either. All I can do now is hold her, press my lips to her hair and make some kind of inane, soothing noise that means absolutely nothing and won’t help a bit, because both of our hearts are broken, and there’s no fix in sight.

“She’ll never forgive me,” Katy whispers. Her stricken eyes meet mine, bloodshot and puffy from tears. “She’s my best friend, and I betrayed her and she’ll never forgive me. All of this is my fault. I’ve ruined everything.”

I pull her closer, hold her tighter. I know how she feels, because I feel the same way. I broke my sister’s trust when I hooked up with her best friend, and to compound the issue, I lied to her about it. And now Ruth is hurt and angry, her trust in me thoroughly broken, and I don’t even think I can blame her for it. The only thing is, nothing about Katy Keller is a hook up. She never has been. She’s the biggest revelation of my life. She’s the thing I never knew I was looking for, and if I have my way, the only thing she’ll be next is my forever.

“She will, Princess,” I whisper. “This isn’t your fault. We’re a team, you and me. It’s on both of us.” I think I’m trying to convince myself as much as Katy, but I have to say it. I have to say something. I can’t let Katy carry this alone—not when the blame lies on both of our shoulders. She was the one who wanted to keep us a secret, but I was the one who willingly went along with it.

“She warned me. All of us. She warned us to stay away from you, she said I was too much. Too weird, too kinky. That you were too dark. That we—”

“First of all, Ruth can go fuck herself if she thinks she has any right at all. And second, she’ll get over it.”

“What if she never does? Jay, I can’t—how do we—we can’t do this.”

“What are you saying? Is that what you want, to end this here?” I hear my voice rising in both pitch and volume as panic begins to set in, my heart rate climbing. I can’t stop it. Those four words have me spiralling. My pulse pounds in my ears, throbs in my throat as my mind conjures the image of Katy saying goodbye. Is this it? “Is that all it takes for you? How easy it would be to just—”

“I wantyou.This. Us. But she’s your sister.”

“Don’t do that, Katy,” I warn, exhaling heavily. Fuck, that was a shot of adrenaline I could’ve lived without. That momentary fear of once again being left alone by someone, of loving and losing. The old adage might say it’s better than to never love at all, but tell that to the cracks in my heart that might never heal from the loss. Hearing those words from Katy—hearing that she still wants this, still wants us, is all I need to know right now.

“Yeah, Roo is my sister, but you’re my everything. If she can’t accept that…” I trail off. If she can’t accept that, thenwhat? Ruth has been my best friend since the day she was born. Since the day our dad wrapped her in a blanket and placed her in my arms, and I promised him I’d look after her. She’s the one who kept all my secrets, and I’m the one who kept hers—at least, until she met Katy and Amie, and then Paloma. If she can’t accept that I’ve fallen wildly and madly in love with her best friend, then… what? It doesn’t bear thinking about. Fresh tears pour from Katy’s eyes before she buries her face in my neck, soaking the collar and shoulder of my T-shirt.

“Hey,” I soothe, smoothing a hand over her blonde waves. “Come on, Princess. She’ll come around. Let her be mad for a while, you know she needs to stew for a bit, and then she’ll come around. She’ll miss us too much.”

A choked laugh bubbles from her lips, shaking her frame. She’s always small, but right now, she feels tiny and more fragile than ever in my arms. She tightens her grip around my chest.

“I never wanted this to happen,” she sighs. “I never meant for this, Jay.”

“I know,” I hum. “But we always knew it might.”

She pushes her face into my shoulder and I shrug away. It’s not that I don’t want her contact. I just want to look her in the eye when I say what I’m about to say.

“Look at me,” I command. Her panicked eyes slowly lift to meet mine. “Listen to me. You are worth the risk, Katy Keller. You are worth every single risk.”

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