Page 88 of The Way We Fell

Katy and I are trying to carry on as normal, but there’s a low cloud hanging over both of us. I feel responsible for the rift between my girlfriend and her best friend, and I know she feels responsible for the one between me and my sister. Ruth and I are bound by blood, but what she has with Katy—that friendship is stronger than any familial bond.

I check the watch on my wrist before I sigh again. I don’t have time to stop by her flat and beg her to speak to me in person. I have another therapy appointment, and after skipping my last one, followed by the events of this week, I’m practically frothing at the mouth to unload all of my baggage in Guy’s small office. It turns out, after all of my hesitation, that therapy is actually a really fucking useful tool. Who knew?

Katy, apparently, considering she was the one who pushed me to look into it.

Traffic sucks, and it takes me far longer than it should do to arrive at the clinic—so long that I only just waltz into the reception area in time for my appointment to begin. Guy immediately ushers me into his room and I take my usual seat on the mini Chesterfield. Guy sits on a low, metal-framed armchair opposite me, folds one ankle over the other knee, and waits for me to speak. I’m already on edge after almost being late, and every thought in my head is a jumble. I start rambling as soon as I walk into the room, and within ninety seconds, Guy knows everything.

“I know what I did was dumb.”

“Why was it dumb, Jay? What makes you say that?”

“We—I—lied to my sister.”

“Did you lie, or did you just not tell her?”

“Lying by omission is still lying, right?”

Guy peers at me over the wire rimmed-lenses on his face. He says nothing, just gives me a look that encourages me to continue.

“Anyway. Lying, or just not telling her—she found out, just like we always knew she would, and she’s upset. Just like we knew she would be.”

“Why do you think she’s upset?”

“Uh, because we lied?”

“Humour me, Jay.”

“I don’t know. I guess—I guess maybe she feels… left out? Me and Ruth, we’re close, you know? She’s always been my best friend. I know that’s weird because she’s eight years younger than me, but she is. And Katy’s her best friend too. And now—now Katy’s mine. My best friend. My everything. So where does that leave Ruth?”

“So, you think Ruth feels like she has no place in your relationship anymore.”

“Maybe?”

“And the lies?”

“I think she feels hurt. Lied to.”

“Do you think her response to the news might come from another place? A place of fear, perhaps? Think about how you reacted when you were scared after you were hurt.”

“I pushed people away. I didn’t want to speak to them.”

“Do you think that’s something Ruth might do?”

“Why would she be scared?” I wrack my brain, trying to make sense of whatever it is Guy is trying to get at.

“Think about it, Jay.” Guy crosses his legs and refolds them with the other ankle on top. “What you’re telling me is that the two most important people in her life are embarking on a new adventure—together. Forget that she wasn’t told, that she was, quote,lied to. Ruth feels like she has no place in your life now, or in Katy’s.”

“She’s afraid she’s losing me. Us.”

“By Jove, he’s got it.” Guy offers a rare smile, sardonic though it is.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?”

“You did what you thought was best at the time.”

“I did. I mean, I would’ve told her. I would’ve told everyone. But Katy wanted to keep things quiet, at least until we figured out what we were doing—and by then, it was so easy to just keep it a secret. It was just… the thing we did. And it went on, and on.”

“It’s not a secret anymore, Jay.”

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