Page 56 of Urban Gladiator

“What if I stayed and you didn’t claim me?”

He lifted his head. There was such agony splashed across his face, it hurt me. “It would never work. Even now, it’s taking everything inside me not to claim you. One night my wolf would win, and I would claim you. But it would destroy Avalon.”

“Maybe it needs to be destroyed. Maybe it needs to be torn down and rebuilt.”

Rowan rolled off me, swearing. “Don’t you think that I’ve thought of that? Do you think I want to send you into a world where I can’t protect you? Do you not think it’s not driving me crazy knowing you will be out of my reach forever? And then there’s the madness that will eventually come by not claiming you.”

Oh my heart, it couldn’t handle this. Not when I wanted him above everything else. I’d let Avalon burn to the fucking ground to be able to keep him. But there might be another way. “Then come with me. We could start over, just you and me, away from the politics and division of Avalon.”

He shook his head in defeat. “I have a duty to my pack. If I left, the orcs would see it as a sign of my father’s weakness and overthrow him. And they would win. Their numbers have multiplied significantly in recent years.”

“So you’re picking duty over your mate?” I asked vehemently, grasping at anything that might keep us together.

He sprang to his feet and angrily paced in the tent before he exploded, tossing his hands up. “What would you have me do? Anywhere I turn, I lose. If I choose you, my pack and Avalon will pay the price. If I don’t choose you, I will die a slow death without you. I’ve thought of little else since you waltzed into my life, Ember.”

He was right. It was hopeless. I curled into myself in defeat. “That’s it, then. In a few short days, this will be over, and we’ll spend our lives apart.”

“Drop the shield. I need to go for a run,” he demanded, shifting into his wolf and ending the conversation.

I brought it down with a wave, fighting back a fresh flood of tears. “It’s down.”

Rowan raced out of the tent. I watched him leave as my heart broke, shattering into millions of pieces. Because in three short days, he would be out of my life—forever.

And I didn’t know how to handle it.

23

My paws pounded over the ground as I tried to outrun the grief raging through me. It was eating me alive, knowing my mate would be beyond my reach soon. That I would never be able to touch her, hold her. Would never watch ecstasy cross her face as she came. Would never see her ripen with my child.

And my grief was tied up with rabid fury at my helplessness. Either way I went, something I loved would suffer.

But the farther away from Ember I ran, the more I wanted to turn back around and promise her the world if she would stay. I howled my grief as I raced over the rocky terrain.

She asked to stay and be my dirty little secret, kept hidden from the world. I hated myself. Because there was a part of me for a brief moment that actually considered saying yes. I was that desperate to keep her in my life and in my world. Once she crossed that barrier, she would be beyond my reach. My wolf no longer cared how she was in our life, just that she was here.

But Ember deserved more than being someone’s dirty little secret. She deserved the world. To be seated at my side as my queen. That was her place. Not hidden away, never to see the light of day.

I loved her. Before I met her, I never imagined I could love someone this much. She was kind and caring. And brave, so fucking brave she amazed me more and more each day. And none of it brought into account that she was the most powerful witch I’d ever encountered. I loved her smiles. And the way she teased me. I loved waking beside her, with her nestled in my arms. I loved the sounds she made when I was buried so deep inside her it felt as if we’d become one person.

But I could never tell her any of that. And I knew she felt the same even though we never voiced our feelings. If we did, there would be no going back. We would tear Avalon to the ground for our love.

I stopped at an abutment overlooking a valley where I howled my frustration and heartbreak. But as my anger faded, I realized I was losing whatever time I had left with her. Stupid of me when time was all we had left. And the hours and minutes seemed to tick by with increasing speed.

No. I wouldn’t let our time end this way. Turning around, I ran as fast as my paws would carry me, hellbent on reaching her, on savoring the time we had left. We might not have forever, but we had tonight before the world and responsibilities interfered. And I had wasted some of it.

When I reached the tent, I didn’t stop until I was inside. And found her curled in the bed we’d shared, asleep. Her face was blotchy from tears. I hated that I had caused them. I didn’t even bother shifting. Just leapt up on the bed and curled at her side.

Her scent washed over me. One that would make me think of her any time I smelled it. She jerked awake. Her emerald gaze flashed, then she spied me and threw her arms around me.

“You came back.”

I shifted against her until I was a man again. “Of course I came back. Did you really think I had left you?”

Her bottom lip trembled. “I didn’t want to think that, but you were so angry, and I assumed you decided to opt out. That it was just too hard, and you were letting me go.”

Cupping her face, I held her steady because I wanted no misunderstandings. “If I had my way, I would never let you go.”

“Rowan.” She sniffed, her eyes rimmed with moisture.

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