Page 16 of The Cold Ride

“That’s good. She’s a beautiful girl. You’ve done a hell of a job raising her,” Wyatt said with a smile, trying to be a buffer and defuse the tension.

Ignoring James as best I could, I replied, “I appreciate that. What did Evan want you to bring me?”

“He wrote you a letter and asked us to hand deliver it to you,” Wyatt explained, lifting a sealed ivory envelope.

“And he asked that we make sure you read it,” Lucas added by way of explanation.

All this because Evan asked them to deliver a handwritten letter? My ex-husband always did have a sadistic sense of humor. I’d bet he was laughing his ass off over the pickle he’d put me in. My heart ached.

“A letter? Really? You guys drove all this way to deliver a letter?”

They all nodded. And Wyatt handed it over. It was a plain white envelope with my name, Rory Ryder, scrawled across it and my address. I recognized Evan’s handwriting immediately. Why would he do this?

I accepted it and opened the sealed envelope with their eyes on me. Withdrawing the folded letter, I noticed there was another envelope inside addressed to James, but I left it there. Why would he write a letter to James and put it in the envelope for me?

It didn’t make sense. But perhaps he had a reason. Evan always did things strategically and with purpose. With my heart fluttering, I unfolded it and read it silently to myself.

Hey Lorelei,

I know it’s been a hot minute. I’m sorry we lost touch these past few years. That’s on me. I was pissed after the divorce. It wasn’t you I was upset with, but myself. I know I failed you, and the bulk of the blame for our marriage going sideways was my fault.

We were kids when we got married. And I did love you, sweetheart. But I know my unfaithfulness hurt you. That’s on me. And I didn’t cheat because I didn’t love you. I was messed up. There were things that happened on deployment that made me a bit crazy.

That doesn’t excuse the fact that I cheated on you more than once. I know I drove you into James’s arms.

My brave, sweet Rory, he needs to know his daughter. And I know you well enough that you won’t do something about it. You need security too much. And you can hate me for rocking your boat, but it’s what James needs. And in the end, you do too.

There’s a letter for James in the envelope. Give it to him when you’re ready. And it’s okay if you never are.

I know I don’t deserve it, but I hope one day you’ll forgive me. Be happy, Rory. You deserve it.

All my love,

Evan

Damn him!

Blinking back tears, I folded the letter up and slipped it back inside the envelope next to the letter for James. Evan set this up to force my hand. Wasn’t it just like that son of a bitch? Always pushing a person until they went in the direction he wanted them to go, even from beyond the fucking grave.

And I’d loved him. But I’d just turned nineteen, and he’d been twenty-three. We were babies, still finding our footing in the world.

Had Evan really believed I would give James the letter inside? I would, eventually. But Evan’s high-handed approach in forcing a meeting between James and Amelia pissed me off. Even if it was just like Evan, always maneuvering people in the direction he wanted them to go.

His ability to manipulate a situation to his benefit was what made him so smooth with women.

“And that’s it? Is there anything else you need from me?” I beat back emotions I didn’t want to deal with. Because life with Evan hadn’t all been bad. And I had loved him. A part of me would always love him. Because he gave me an escape route and a safe place to land when I had nowhere else to go. But our marriage had been an emotional roller coaster of Evan cheating and promising he would never do it again, when inevitably he would.

I had simply been the one to get off the ride first. And it had been James’s entry into my life that woke me up and gave me the courage to take that first step.

James opened his mouth. But Wyatt cut him off. “No. It’s what we needed. Thanks for not being difficult about reading it. We’re under a time constraint with our leave time and have others we need to deliver within that time frame, so we appreciate it.”

“Evan and I lost touch over the last few years, though I still sent him a Christmas card every year. I wish I’d known how badly he was struggling. Although I’m not sure a call from his ex-wife would have done any good.” Evan had always done things the way he wanted. And once he made a decision, there was no getting him to change his mind.

“I doubt there’s anything that any of us could have done. But it’s nice knowing you care,” Lucas stated. Their grief was palpable. And even though I knew they were all tough guys, losing Evan, especially by his own hand, had knocked them for a loop.

“Just because we weren’t great at being married doesn’t mean I didn’t still love the guy. Because I do, just not in that way. And I always wanted the best for him.” I held the letter against my chest, needing a good cleansing cry. Knowing that Evan thought about me near the end, to the point he orchestrated this reunion so James could meet Amelia, had my emotions in a tumult.

“Well, we appreciate the meal and the place to stay.” Aiden leaned back in his seat with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

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