Page 20 of The Cold Ride

How would Amelia react when she discovered James was her father? How would she react to me when we told her?

I didn’t know, and that was the problem. It felt like I’d been tossed into shark-infested waters without a life raft.

Memories from the night Amelia was conceived had played on a recorded loop. I fell for James that night. The moment James touched me, I knew my marriage to Evan was over. I’d already been contemplating asking for a divorce, but meeting James had altered everything.

Because the two of us had been drawn together like magnets. And I’d fallen hard for the first time in my life. I loved James with everything in me. What Evan and I had in our relationship hadn’t come close. It wasn’t that I hadn’t loved Evan, because I had. I wouldn’t have married him otherwise. But Evan wasn’t remotely faithful. And by the third or fourth time I caught him during our first year of marriage, I’d already fallen out of love with him. We’d become uneasy friends and roommates who sometimes slept together.

He'd return from deployment, go out partying with his friends, and then come home smelling like another woman. There were times I’d hated him every bit as much as I had loved him.

And after my upbringing with a disinterested, distant father and a mother who’d abandoned me, his infidelity whittled away my confidence. It left me questioning if I was lovable.

But if it weren’t for Evan, I never would have met James, nor had Amelia. And the thought of that was unfathomable. Amelia was the best thing I had ever done. I had James to thank for that. And I’d repaid him by keeping him out of his daughter’s life.

I didn’t deserve his forgiveness. I knew it. I knew what I’d done was shitty. But I wanted his forgiveness anyway.

Just like I still wanted him. He’d lost none of his potency.

Over the last decade, I’d forgotten what being in his presence was like. How he walked into a room and consumed every ounce of my attention. It was like standing near a downed electrical wire.

And damn him for not getting fat or going bald. I know he’s a Navy SEAL and they’re some of the most physically fit individuals on the planet. But god help me, he looked even better than he had ten years ago. His hair was still military-style short, but the scruffy beard lining his angular jaw was new. And boy, did I want to feel it against my skin.

We’d only had one night together. But that night defined me. And I had another secret. One I hadn’t admitted to anyone. There’s been no one in my bed since. Because I fell for him that night, and although I tried, I never stopped loving him. How could I when I had a constant reminder of him?

There were so many nights I’d swear I would contact him in the morning only to chicken out. My self-confidence had taken too many beatings. And after his last words to me, I just couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone.

And while I might love him, we were different people now. I didn’t even know if he was with someone. Besides, I doubted he would ever forgive me. Keeping Amelia’s existence a secret had put the final nail in the coffin of our almost forever.

I knew it. But there was a part of me that still hoped he would forgive me, that we could move past it. Maybe not pick up where we left off, because that wasn’t a good place, but perhaps start fresh and get to know each other again.

He’d been the comet streaking across the heavens, changing the direction of my life forever.

With an exhausted sigh, I finally rolled out of bed. Instead of prepping breakfast in my robe, which was my normal, I dressed for the day in a pair of jean overalls and a long-sleeved shirt with my hair pulled into a messy topknot. I didn’t bother with makeup. They’d already seen me without, and all I was doing today was working on the house.

And introducing my daughter to her father for the first time.

For a hot minute in the kitchen, I considered making my coffee Irish, but decided against it. Wouldn’t want to be swinging that sledgehammer a little tipsy. I might take out something important. Or proposition James. Neither of which would wind up working out in my favor.

Last night, when I was having a hard time sleeping, I prepped an egg casserole. It was always a winner when I served it to guests. And I figured the guys would love it because it’s got both bacon and sausage in it, along with cheese and veggies. It’s one of those great recipes that you can prep the night before and store in the fridge. The next morning, you just have to pop it in the oven for fifty minutes, and voilà, breakfast was ready. And as an added bonus, Amelia loved it too.

While the egg casserole baked in the oven, I worked on the biscuits. These wouldn’t take long in the oven. But I still had to roll out the biscuit dough and use the stainless steel biscuit cutter to separate the dough.

And because I knew how much men liked to eat, I made two full cookie sheets of biscuits. My butter biscuits were always a hit. I made a special honey butter to go with them too. Always a crowd-pleaser with inn guests.

Once those were prepped and ready for the oven, I threw together some fresh berries and brewed a fresh pot of coffee. Then I set the dining room table. Checking the time, I popped the biscuits in the oven, then headed into Amelia’s bedroom to get her ready for school.

But when I opened her bedroom door, she was already up and dressed, brushing her hair in front of her vanity mirror. She’d always been this way. When she was a baby, she would play in her crib until I woke up.

“Morning, baby.” I walked over to help her with her hair.

“Mama,” she hugged me before passing the brush over to me.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked, styling her hair in a French braid.

“Good. Am I smelling the egg casserole?”

I chuckled and set her brush down. “Yep. It should be out of the oven soon. My friends will be having breakfast with us.”

“Woohoo! It’s one of my favorite breakfasts.”

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