Page 24 of The Cold Ride

She spun around, brimming with enthusiasm. “Can I meet them?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Maybe not this leave time. But your mom and I will work out a time when you could go with me to Tennessee and meet them. What do you think about that?”

She tossed her arms around my neck. “Thank you, Dad. I’d love that.”

My heart rolled over in my chest. She called me Dad. Holy fuck! I’d remember this moment the rest of my life. Being called Dad for the first time had me fighting back tears—again. At this point, I could sink an aircraft carrier with the number of tears I kept from falling.

“Would you like to see my soccer trophies?”

“You’re into soccer?” Now that was something we could talk about. “What position do you play?”

“They still rotate us between positions, but my favorite is forward.”

“That’s the position I played in high school.” Damn, she was a chip off the old block.

“Really? Come see them.” She gripped my hand and led me through their home. We passed through the kitchen, where Rory stood at the huge kitchen island chopping veggies and gave us a smile as we passed by. But then my attention shifted back to Amelia.

We spent the next two hours talking. She showed me her soccer medal collection. Then I took her outside and showed her my motorcycle. When she asked about taking a ride, I explained that since it was already starting to get late and dark out, we’d need to wait until this weekend. If she wanted to go riding, I wouldn’t deny her, but I would get a sidecar installed. For the first time in my life, I had the thought that a motorcycle just wasn’t practical.

Then we had dinner with everyone. Amelia was animated with those knuckleheads and asked for stories about me. Her enthusiasm was addicting. And fuck, but I didn’t want to go back. For so many years, I’d donned my uniform and done the job without question. I went where I was needed, no matter how bad the hell hole was. I hadn’t blinked over six-month and nine-month deployments. It was part of the job. I packed my bag, said goodbye to my family, and then boarded a plane or ship or whatever manner of transportation I’d been assigned to and left.

In eighteen years of putting on that uniform, I’d never questioned going back. When it was time to report for duty, I showed up. But staring at my daughter, I didn’t fucking want to head back. Not until we had time to build our relationship.

With my retirement coming up in two years, I’d be looking into relocating to Bangor. I never considered Maine a place I’d live. I had always figured I would either head back to Tennessee or stay in Virginia and get a job with a government contractor. They were always hiring former SEALs.

But Amelia changed everything. Granted, I had no clue what the fuck I would do here when I did retire except be close enough to be here whenever Amelia needed me.

After dinner, I helped her with her math homework before she had to get ready for bed. Rory even let me tuck her into bed for the night.

“Dad?” she said when I was at her bedroom door. It was still a jolt being called that.

“I’m so glad you came for me. I love the presents.”

My heart swelled with love. “I am too. Now get some sleep, or you’ll be tired at school all day.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Night, Amelia. I love you.” I left her room in a daze. Today had gone better than I could have ever dared hope.

I headed down the hall and found Rory in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with her hands over her face, sobbing her heart out. These weren’t feigned tears to get my sympathy. They were real and her pain deep. They weren’t happy tears.

The years and strife between us melted away. My feet carried me of their own accord until I stood in front of her. And I did what came naturally. I wrapped my arms around her and held her. And she didn’t fight me, which meant she was really upset. She clung to me as she cried.

“Hush, it can’t be that bad,” I murmured against the crown of her head, stroking a hand down her back. And I was struck again at how well she fit in my arms. I hated how right she felt. And that my body came to life holding her close again after all this time.

“I knew how much she wanted her father in her life. I just never realized... and it’s all my fault. If I would have just gotten over my issues. I really didn’t mean to keep her from you. That was never my intent, and I know it doesn’t make up for it.” She sniffled and then gave me a small nudge to release her.

And fuck, but I didn’t want to because it felt like she belonged there. I’d forgotten how she felt in my arms. How her scent wrapped around me, and every dip and curve aligned with me. But I did. Only to have her stare up at me with those pale green eyes, looking lost and fragile. Eyes that made me want to sink into her and never let her go. And I didn’t mean just for the night.

“For what it’s worth, I’m so sorry. And while I can’t make up for the time you lost, maybe I could help you see the time you did lose.” She nodded at the table behind me.

Glancing over my shoulder, I sucked in a breath at the photo albums stacked on top. There were nine total, and they were as thick as my wrist. In a trance, needing to see what Amelia looked like as a baby, I walked over to the table.

Rory followed me. “It starts with her baby book. I did one book a year. Although this year isn’t finished. I know it’s not traditional, but after I started with the baby book, I was hooked. And Amelia helps me now with it. Any of the pictures you want, just note them, and I can make you copies. I’ll make you copies of whatever you want, including her birth certificate.”

“When’s her birthday?” It was one thing I didn’t know. Like so many things.

“March first. Amelia James Nolan was born at 4:57 a.m. during a blizzard with thundersnow, at the hospital in the next town over. She was six pounds, nine ounces, with the angriest cry. The poor thing was so pissed off at being born.”

---