Page 56 of The Cold Ride

I need you to know I never hated you for being with her that night. That’s not to say it didn’t hurt or piss me off, because it fucking did.

And I certainly gave you a hard time about it by riding your ass, especially at first. But the thing is, while I loved Rory and she me, it wasn’t deep. We met and had an affair that should have ended when she headed back to college after her spring break. Instead we got hitched. It was a natural step when we didn’t really understand how wrong we were for each other.

And I was unfaithful many times over. I didn’t know how to be faithful that way. And I know you well enough to know that you’re likely reading this and steaming mad over it. Dude, you need to get over it, though, and here’s why.

Because I never once saw her look at me the way she did when she talked about the two of you. Rory was and is completely head over heels for you.

And I was fucking jealous, not because she loved you, but because I’d never experienced such deep affection with anybody. Don’t let your anger destroy the two of you. Because she’s the best there is. I should know because I lost her over my negligence.

Don’t take her for granted or underestimate her. She’s stronger than anyone gives her credit for after everything she’s survived.

If you still feel like you need to atone for sleeping with my wife, then do me this solid. Love her fiercely, dude—for me.

You’re one of my brothers from another mother, and I’m going to miss you fiercely, dude.

And one last thing. Forgive her. You won’t regret it.

Your friend,

Evan

I lowered the letter. Rage filled me so completely that my entire body shook with it.

“Are you fucking kidding me? He knew about us, about Amelia, all those years and never fucking told me? He’s as bad as you.”

I hopped out of her bed and paced, fighting my anger and losing. “All this time, one of you could have been fucking honest with me. But no, you had to continue keeping secrets.”

“I always thought he would tell you about Amelia,” she murmured quietly.

My eyes sliced her way. She hadn’t moved from her spot on the bed. “But neither of you did. Was it all some joke to you two? Hiding my kid from me?”

Rory climbed off the bed and marched my way, unmindful of her nudity, and poked me in the chest. “Don’t you get it? I left him after we were together. I know the divorce took some time. And after everything that night, I never let him touch me again. I couldn’t. I knew what a mistake it was that I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know how. But I never slept with him after that night. We were over from that night on.”

“Why?” I croaked out, my emotions a turbulent sea. Love and rage and betrayal swarmed in my chest.

Tears trailed down her face. She pressed her hands against her chest. “Because I knew from the moment you touched me, I was yours. And it was while I was away thinking about everything that happened that I found out I was pregnant.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?” I shouted, shaking over the revelations tonight.

“I thought about contacting you. Until eventually I convinced myself that you would have chosen him over me. You guys were friends, James. Family, even. And I couldn’t be the one to tear that apart. I just couldn’t. I loved you too much to do that to you. Because I never would have forgiven myself if something happened to your unit because people were pissed at each other and not thinking clearly. And I wanted you guys to come home, but you especially. Then, when Henry and Sue got sick, I took care of them. Jesus Christ, I was juggling raising a child, running the inn, and taking care of them. I barely had time to think, let alone sleep. But even without all that, it would be the same. Because I’ve been with nobody since you. You were it for me from that first night.”

Her words hit me square in the chest. “I loved you that first night too. Before you shoved me away and ran, I was all in. Fuck, I wanted to marry you, Rory. But you lied—and not about something little. You were married to one of my friends. Don’t you understand you betrayed everything I thought we could be? And then you did it again by not telling me about Amelia. How can I trust you?”

She jerked back like I struck her. Tears slid down her cheeks. “Because I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. And these past few weeks have only deepened what I feel for you.”

Her betrayal was like thick sludge, and she was asking me to ignore it. But I couldn’t keep my head in the sand any longer. I shook my head and started grabbing my clothes off the floor. “I have to go.”

“You’re leaving?”

“I never should have stayed. I should have gone with my unit on our last ride together. I can’t believe I let you make me think—”

“What, James? That we could be a family? Because we could,” she sobbed.

I was at war with my desire to comfort her and my need to escape the pain slicing through me. The betrayal I felt was absolute. “No. I just can’t. There’s too much here.”

“And what about Amelia?” she asked. Her bottom lip quivered, and her body shook with her sobs. “Are you just going to desert her?”

Amelia. Fuck. I didn’t know what to do. But I had to escape this tearing, horrible grief. The betrayal clogged my throat. Backing away from her, I shook my head, denying us any future. “No. But I can’t stay. I’ll call her and explain. She and I will be fine. Kids are resilient.”

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