Page 63 of Midnight Dissonance

But on the flipside, the money made her wary. Was she entering another situation where someone she cared about would use money to control her? Would they find themselves at odds with him issuing ultimatums that broke her heart because she couldn’t stay?

When she left school two years ago and her parents stopped speaking to her, she vowed she would never allow anyone to control her with money ever again. She would rather work at the Java Hut, making barely above minimum wage for the rest of her life, than be under someone else’s thumb that way.

She realized she had avoided talking to Josh about her discussion with Lisa. That she had used sex to divert his attention and hopefully make him forget about it. Because when it came to her sister and their interactions, most of the time it left her disappointed and hurt. It was always the same.

Once she made the last payment on her loan, she could start looking for other places to live. Because she wouldn’t stay at Lisa’s house indefinitely. Her bandmates were discussing renting a house. Maybe she could rent it with them. All she really needed was a room, a bed, and a shower.

She knew Josh wanted her to move in with him, but it was too fast. She liked being with him. She could see herself living here with him. But before she made such a huge leap, she needed to feel more confident in their relationship.

Although she should have known Josh wouldn’t let it go. That even amazing sex wouldn’t stop him, only delay it.

He sat on the bed and shifted her body until she was facedown over his lap.

“Josh, what are you doing?” She bucked against his hold. But she knew. And even as she tried to make him release her, inside her body purred at his dominance and what was to come.

“This is for your delaying tactic and trying to control me with sex.”

“I didn’t—”

“You did. And I gave in because I can’t resist you. I want you too fucking badly. But this is to drive home that you will not control me through sex. That all you did was delay our conversation. There will be no secrets between us.”

“I’m sorry.” She gulped at the anger lacing his voice.

“I’m sure you are. And I know life hasn’t been easy for you. And that the people who were supposed to support you let you down. I’m not them. You’ll take your punishment like a good girl. And if you do, I’ll reward you with another orgasm.”

Lexi lowered her head, allowing her body to relax. There was no use fighting him. He was in control. And the best way she could apologize was by submitting.

Josh cupped her ass, massaging it, lulling her. She leaned into his touch, tilting her hips. He parted the globes.

“I really made a mess of this pussy. And I will again before the night is done.”

It was all the warning she got as his hand cracked against her bottom. The force made her eyes water at the sharp pain. But it was a familiar one. Josh didn’t hold back. He lit her butt on fire with his discipline. His huge hand whacked her bottom time and again. Her flesh ached and burned, with the burn sliding into her veins and coalescing in her core until her entire being was enflamed.

But tears welled in her eyes and began leaking down her face. His spanking cracked open her heart and soul. And all the pain from the past few years spilled out onto her cheeks.

She didn’t understand why her parents’ love came with conditions. She’d tried, harder than they could possibly imagine, to make them love her. But they never did.

Suddenly Josh shifted her again until she was upright on his lap. And with her face buried against his chest, she sobbed.

“That’s it, lass. Let it all out,” he soothed, caressing her back and holding her close while she cried.

Lexi grieved. Sobbing out her loneliness and the pain of being unwanted by her family. He held her through the storm of her emotions. Until her crying dwindled to nothing more than her breath hitching. But she felt spent and didn’t try to move off his lap.

“Good girl,” he murmured against her brow. “Now tell me why you were so upset when I picked you up.”

“It’s just Lisa and her judging my life. I’m the family disappointment, the black sheep if you will, and no matter what I do, it’s never good enough for them. Their love is conditional. As long as I act and live in a way they approve of. When they don’t understand is that trying to make myself fit into the mold they wanted me to was killing me. Not in the physical sense, but it was killing my soul. And it was just the same old, same old, with Lisa acting like I’m an idiot who can’t be trusted to make her own decisions. And I hate that it hurts so bad.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry that your family are such idiots who can’t see what a gem you are. I can’t imagine what it was like growing up, having your dreams squelched that way, not being supported and loved. But you amaze me. I’ve never known anyone with the courage to walk away from what they know isn’t right for their life. It’s a testament to just how bloody amazing you are, woman.”

Lexi’s heart trembled and cracked open. He handed her a tissue. “Blow,” he ordered. And she didn’t fight him. She was tired of fighting. Tired of never leaning. And instead of pushing him away, instead of deflecting her feelings with sarcasm, she let them flow freely. She wiped her face with the tissue and set it on the nightstand before lifting her face and staring into his eyes. There were laugh lines framing them. And it was at that moment that she knew she could love him. She was already halfway there.

Relying on instinct alone, Lexi kissed him, pouring every ounce of her feelings for him into it. She held nothing back, dropping her shields and giving him all of her, because he was the first person who had ever truly seen her.

She didn’t understand why he was the one who could see past all her defenses to the very heart of her. How he wasn’t fooled by her bravado or her attempts to redirect conversations to protect herself.

But he could and did.

He never acted like her music was ridiculous. He celebrated it. And he was protective. She couldn’t ever remember feeling this safe.

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