Page 160 of Tides That Bind

“Because.” I pick up the donut box and place it on my other side so I can scoot closer to him. “There are a lot of people who love you.”

“Like you.”

I nod. “And Nana. Aunt Caroline and Uncle Finn. And Riley. And do you know who else?” I wait to continue until Lucas shakes his head. “Daddy loves you even if he’s not around. And he would want to know that you’re being taken care since he can’t do it anymore.”

“You take care of me,” Lucas reminds me.

I laugh. “I know and I love taking care of you. But do you know who else loves to? Riley.”

Lucas smiles.

“So what do you think if Riley and me…what do you think if we take care of you together?”

Lucas's eyebrows fuse together as he tries to understand. “You do already.”

“Kind of like how Daddy and I did before he died,” I add.

“Like Riley will be my dad?”

I shake my head immediately. “No one will ever replace your dad.”

He scratches his head. “Then what would he be?”

Words are hard sometimes, I recall Riley saying. And how hard they can be when something is just too good to be true, too great to be described in just one word other than exactly what it is.

Riley.

He’s always been that for Lucas. NotUncle Riley, orDad’s friend Riley. Just Riley, all on his own. Perfect in his own way, faults and all.

“He’d be kind of a bonus, for each of us.”

“Like a bonus husband?”

I have to laugh because even though I know there’s a future with Riley—I wouldn’t be having this conversation with Lucas if I wasn’t certain—there’s something funny about the label. “We’ll see about the husband part. For now, he’s just a bonus.”

It seems fitting. Bonuses are never something you turn away. They make everything better, but never more than when you least expect them.

Lucas kicks his feet that don’t reach the ground from the bench we sit on. “Does that mean he moves out?”

“No. I told you, he’s not going—”

“Like out of the apartment and into the house. Because then it will be easier to play Legos when it’s raining or cold in the morning. Riley won’t have to go outside.”

“Oh. Maybe one day. But for now, nothing has to change.”

I haven’t allowed myself to think about it too much, about Riley’s clothes taking up space in Nate’s drawers, about finding his toothbrush in the bathroom. That’s because I didn’t want to get excited about any possibilities until this very moment has passed.

Lucas tips his head in question. “Can I still call him Riley?”

“Yeah.” I smile, struck with relief. “You can still call him Riley.”

We watch the calm waters of Seal’s Bay for a few more minutes and I listen to all of Lucas's plans for the summer. My eyes focus on the bridge that’s long been repaired even though part of my heart will always be a little broken because of it.

But I smile as Lucas talks because I know how proud Nate would be of him.

Learn to do a handstand.

Surf from farther out.

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